PHILOSOPHY FOR THE DAY ~ Eric Raines on Toxic People

“It is about you and your healing after all. We have the ability to create boundaries for those with none and in this process we find our self-worth… we begin to value ourselves.”

~Eric Raines

 

~via Unleashing Natural Humanity

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THE MINDS JOURNAL: “10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness”

One form of love, which is considered the most frequent, is, unfortunately, toxic love. This love appears as a result of insecurity or fear, and it does not do favors to anyone.

Our environment will become even more toxic when we get attached more and more to those people that are wrong for us. Toxic people have the ability to drain us of our happiness, regardless of the fact if we allow that or not. These people build their toxic relationships on an unstable foundation.

Here, we will present you some sign which indicated that you might be in such a relationship, or signs which suggest that you are with a toxic partner. You will definitely need a change when you notice these signs because toxic people and relationships cannot be suitable for every one of us.

10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness

 

1. You are not a priority.

Sorry about this, but when you are not your partner’s priority now, you will never be. He or she has to hold you on the identical standard they hold themselves. Refusing to do that will be a sign that you have to move on, as you deserve a lot more.

2. They’re always blaming you for their mistakes.

The mistakes they made cannot be yours; they have to be prepared for everything they say or do. You should never be blamed for their own mistakes. Toxic people are obsessed with the idea of bringing other people down, especially those that they are closest with.

3. They have serious double principles and standards.

These people believe that they can do everything, while their partners are not allowed to do those same things. For example, you would like to go outside and spend some time together with friends, and in the same time, your partner is also with his friends; however, they will refuse that right when you ask them. Remember that they see you just as their property and not as their loved one.

4. They don’t like your loved ones.

Usually, toxic people will not really like the ones that really matter to you. They will not like that idea as those that care about you will normally see their true self. In fact, toxic people hate this, so they are going to try hard in order to keep you far from your loved ones.

5. They disrespect your boundaries.

Toxic people will never respect your limits, and they are always going to do something or force you into certain things which you wouldn’t like to do. As a result of this, you will find yourself in uncomfortable situations, which are not supposed to happen.

6. They always make you feel sad.

They seem like they try their best in order to bring those that love them down. Toxic people will not support those around them, but they will tear those people apart. For example, when you are happy about something, they are going to everything in order to ruin your happiness. This pleases them after all.

7. They tend to lie to you a lot.

So, for some unknown reasons, toxic people feel good when they lie. So, they are going to lie you about something that is insignificant and goes too far in order to reach their goal, which is making you feel terrible. Remember that you cannot trust someone you love although you would like to do it with your whole heart.

8. They won’t give you a space for yourself.

Toxic people never allow their partners to have their personal space. For example, having your personal space means having time to reflect and think, and thinking well may make you come to the decision of leaving your partner. These people love crossing boundaries, so when you do something without their permission, they will be furious.

9. They attempt to control you.

These people adore controlling you, and not only you but every single thing in life. This type of control means the ultimate superpower for them. Just said, they would like to have the ability to control you and make you do what they want you to do. They are going to cut ties when they see that they are not able to control you.

10. They don’t care about your necessities.

These people are never going to listen to you or care about your own necessities. They are selfish people, so they don’t want to worry about you or about everything you need. They practice only self-care, although you may be in a relationship for a long time.

 

~via TheMindsJournal.com

BRENDA HOFFMAN: “Giggles Without Boundaries”

Ascension Avatar note: I’ve had ‘the giggles’ all morning to the point of stern self-chastisement (“What is wrong with you today?!”). Apparently I haven’t lost my ‘inner child’… 😊

.  .  .

 

Dear Ones,

You continue to be more task-oriented than child-centered. Yet your most direct action path is a child-like belief, innocence, and play. All of which most of you push to the sidelines as you complete one should task after another.

Even though you might enjoy those tasks, enjoying them does not necessarily preclude child-like fun and innocence.

Do you not feel some sparkles of joy and innocence when you observe a small child in Santa’s lap? Reviewing memories of how you used to believe in magic and joy without boundaries.

Likely, your flashes of joy or child-like fun are pierced by thoughts of what you should be doing — and enjoying it as you do. For you have shifted your joy from special occasions to everyday tasks — as we requested. Yet, most of you have not yet shifted your joy to child-like fun.

Child-like fun is created when you have no objective other than play. It does not matter if the floor is dirty or tomorrow’s presentation is complete, you merely drop personal shoulds to play and giggle.

You counter that you must finish the report or you might not have a job or clean the floor for a visitor — again giving your power to others.

You continue to push play to the end of your day or other smaller segments instead of awakening each day to plot giggles instead of daily shoulds. It is likely that if you fully allowed yourself to follow your giggles instead of shoulds, you would discover more efficient preparation or cleaning skills.

Relax and play more and your seemingly endless list of shoulds will melt away. Continue to focus on shoulds and play will falter, then fade into nothingness.

You cannot be new you if shoulds dominate your being.

Trusting new you will occur when you allow yourself the freedom to be in all your child-like sparkle.

Perhaps you cannot understand what we are speaking of for you have always established a to-do list that must be completed before playtime. When in truth, playtime will greatly decrease your to-do lists in ways you cannot yet imagine.

When work of any sort becomes part of your playtime, that work will dissolve easily and quickly.

Of course, you do not believe this concept is possible for you were trained to believe hard work produced results and play merely postponed the drudgery you faced after playtime.

Let us give you another thought that might help you switch activities from work-time to playtime. You are a new being in a new physical body so that which used to be required is no longer. You have different skills and interests than was true in 3D.

Your current difficulty is trusting those new skills for you remain convinced that hard work is required for all forward action. The opposite is now true. Hard work only creates more hard work as you focus on the diligent efforts to complete the task.

Your new approach is asking yourself if a task will be fun and if not, do not complete that task until you determine within yourself a more fun approach or no approach at all.

You are no longer of 3D. Yet you continue to approach “life is difficult, you’ll never get this done,” etc.

Trust your new self, enough to complete the task in fun instead of drudgery or not at all. Perhaps that task is not needed, or you will discover someone who enjoys doing this for you as you enjoy doing that for them.

You already know you do not have the same interests and skills as others. Yet you expect to enjoy all of the skills you found necessary in 3D as you trudge through those areas you really do not enjoy.

Your future is to play with what you enjoy and expect that someone will complete those tasks you do not, or you will create an easier way of completing them.

You are a new being in a new body with new skills and interests. Even though you have perhaps shifted your perceptions of those tasks you feel are drudgery, it is time to shift those tasks from shoulds to playtime or no time.

You are free.

Your new focus is child-like play. Any task that does not feel as such can be negated, shifted or created anew. All are within your new skillset. You are no longer one of the crowd. You are a special being with a special task not the least of which is claiming yourself through child-like innocence.

As a child, you expect to be cared for and fed. The same is true now. Expect those uncomfortable or abhorrent pieces to be completed in ways you cannot now imagine. It is time to open your child-like expectations that your reward for a job well-done is the freedom to create different methods of completing tasks.

You do not have the interest nor the energy to focus on unpleasant tasks. It is time for play. Play as you create your life of ease and giggles. So be it. Amen.

 

LifeTapestryCreations.com. If you would like to receive Brenda’s Blogs when posted, please click the Subscribe Button on the upper part of her Blog & Subscribe page and then click the – Subscribe to Brenda’s Blog by E-mail – line. Complete your subscription by entering your e-mail address and accepting the e-mail confirmation.

Copyright 2009-2019, Brenda Hoffman. All rights reserved. Please feel free to share this content with others, post on your blog, add to your newsletter, etc., but maintain this article’s integrity by including the author/channel: Brenda Hoffman and source website link: LifeTapestryCreations.com.

 

~via LifeTapestryCreations.com

MOMENTS WITH MILLIE: “Rise!”

“As you rise many people will disapprove. Rise anyway.”

~Mastin Kipp

 

I want you to read that meme over and over. I remember four years ago when I died in the ER and was returned to this world. I recognized that the moment I woke I was different. As days turned into months and months into years, I had to remove anyone (and anything) that disturbed my sensitivity. I could not be responsible for making the world happy, especially people who sucked the life out of me trying to find happiness. They are responsible for their own journey.

Not everyone will approve.

Not everyone will agree.

People judge from the place of their own perspective and experiences. It’s not for you to try and mold them. Let them judge. Just don’t allow them to break you.

So I stopped…I made it a point of truly disengaging from those whose addictions and toxic energy were hurting me.

I woke to find me. And every day afterwards I’ve had to continue setting boundaries. Some are easy. Others feel like I’m the worst human on earth.

And that’s part of this human thingy. I keep standing in my knowing.

Rise, darling. Keep standing for your truth, awareness, love and your life. Keep rising to all that is to come when you live through your authenticity, when you move through love.

Whether they approve or not…rise and acknowledge YOU!!!

I love YOU! ~m.a.p.

 

~viaMomentsWithMillie.me

NANICE ELLIS: “Are You In A Chaotic Or Energy-Sucking Relationship?”

Are you in a chaotic or energy-sucking relationship? If so, you need to know about the social/relationship disorder known as “Amorphia”!

Do you have a friend, partner or parent who spews their emotions, crosses boundaries or manipulates the relationship according to their needs? If so, they may be suffering from the social/relationship disorder called Amorphia!

The term “Amorphia” is derived from the word amorphous which means “indefinite character without defined shape or form; lacking clear structure, boundaries or focus.”

Although the word “amorphous” is most commonly used to describe undefined circumstances or shapeless substances, such as clouds or chemicals, people can also have amorphous tendencies. In fact, in many cases, amorphous behaviors can turn into a social dysfunction that negatively affects relationships.

Even though I usually prefer to avoid labels, I also know that it’s impossible to heal a relationship without first identifying the core issue. As a result, I have personally coined the term “Amorphia” to describe this relationship dynamic.

So, what exactly is Amorphia?

You know all those people who drain your energy? Well, in all likelihood, many of them suffer from some degree of Amorphia, and, therefore, they can be defined as “Amorphics”! Although severe Amorphics are often described as “energy sucking vampires,” in most cases, the signs and symptoms of Amorphia are more subtle.

Although Amorphia can manifest as a wide range of behaviors, it can be defined as the misuse and abuse of energy, and this means that Amorphic people are not responsible with their energy (aka emotions, behaviors actions, etc…).

For instance:

  • Amorphics are often unpredictable and unable to commit to even simple choices, and because they have poor follow through, many don’t honor the commitments or choices they do make.
  • Amorphics often display inconsistent behavior and cannot be pinned down, and because they want to keep their options open, they may say one thing and do another.
  • While having poor boundaries, Amorphics frequently shift responsibility and use their emotions to manipulate others.
  • Since many Amorphics don’t value other people’s time and energy, they’re known to be insensitive or undependable (they are often late for appointments).
  • Amorphics can change their mind in a flash without any discussion; not even communicating with those involved.

Even though many Amorphics don’t understand how their behavior negatively affects others, the combination of mixed messages and broken promises results in ongoing arguments and chaotic relationships.

Chances are, if someone is not consciously using their energy, they’re unconsciously abusing it!

Projectors vs. Sponges

Although Amorphia can show up in many different ways, Amorphics can be divided into two distinct categories:

  • Amorphic Projectors
  • Amorphic Sponges

While Amorphic Sponges absorb, distort and/or project energy, they are more likely to be overly sensitive “people pleasers,” and while Amorphic Projectors project and distort energy, they are noticeably insensitive and more likely to develop narcissistic tendencies.

Amorphic Sponges seek approval, acceptance, appreciation, validation, etc…, and in order to get one or more of these emotional needs met, they may change their behavior to please others; this often results in self-suppression and disempowerment.

Amorphic Projectors seek respect and recognition in order to feel superior, and they always have to be right. Since they have to control the energy in any room or relationship, they often use their energy to over-power and suppress others.

While Amorphic Sponges need others to lift them up, Amorphic Projectors use others to lift them up.

The 4 Dynamics of Amorphia

Despite their differences, Projectors and Sponges share many common traits, and, in fact, they both misuse their energy in the same four ways.

So, unless otherwise specified, the following applies to both types of Amorphics.

#1 – Emotions

Both Amorphic Projectors and Amorphic Sponges project their energy through emotions — often using their emotions to manipulate others. While Amorphic Projectors are more likely to project anger, frustration, etc… and Amorphic Sponges are more likely to project sadness, disappointment, etc…, guilt and obligation are commonly used by both.

Since Amorphics project their energy/emotions onto others, if they’re feeling something, they want others to feel it too, and, in fact, it’s common for Amorphics to make other people responsible for their emotions. For example, it’s common to hear Amorphics say things like, “You made me angry.” By spewing blame and disappointment, they also make others responsible for their happiness.

Although some Amorphics wear their emotions on their sleeves, many are emotionally unavailable and hide their emotions. It’s also common for Amorphics to be emotionally reactive and quickly jump to conclusions. So, if something goes right, they’re happy, and if something goes wrong, they’re distraught.

Moreover, Amorphics may try to enroll others in their story by chronically validating their fears with “horror stories,” thereby manipulating people to feel what they feel. For example, if an Amorphic person is afraid of dogs, they may frequently share stories about random dog attacks.

Although Amorphics may spew their fears without ulterior motives, many intentionally provoke fear in order to control a partner’s, friend’s or child’s choices. For instance, to convince a partner not to go out with friends after work, an Amorphic partner may start talking about a local crime trend.

Furthermore, the Amorphic Sponge is an “energetic sponge” who takes on other people’s energy, emotions, and drama, and this means that if a friend or relative is sad, they’re sad. As a result, many Amorphic Sponges are ungrounded and emotionally unstable. In fact, they may expect a significant other to ground them or play the responsible adult.

On the other hand, the Amorphic Projector often diverts other people’s energy and may not seem to care how anyone feels — this dynamic results in, what appears to be, self-righteousness and a lack of compassion.

#2 – Responsibility

Rather than taking responsibility for their own lives, it’s common for both types of Amorphics to shift responsibility. Therefore, instead of taking responsibility for bad choices or negative circumstances, Amorphics either portray themselves as victims or justify their behavior with excuses.

By making others responsible for their feelings, they naturally project expectations, and when those expectations are not met, they project blame and disappointment.

So, no matter what happens, they have a distorted sense of responsibility.

However, even though Amorphics don’t take responsibility for their own lives, they may somehow believe that they have the right to manipulate others, and, when this is the case, they can either be over-protective people pleasers who feel responsible for everyone (aka Sponges) or over-bearing control freaks who always know best (aka Projectors)!

In addition to their emotions, Amorphics often manipulate others through judgment and blame, and if those strategies don’t work, threats and consequences are common. For instance, they might threaten to withhold love or approval, and if they don’t get their way, follow through accordingly. And, when all else fails, some Amorphics resort to suicidal threats, possibly escalating to tangible plans, and this means that the Amorphic person makes another person (usually a romantic partner) responsible for whether they live or die.

While Amorphic Sponges are more likely to hurt themselves, Amorphic Projectors are more likely to hurt others. Believing that they have the right to over-power or control another person, in extreme cases, Amorphic Projectors use their energy to violate others, and this can manifest as anything from bullying and verbal threats to physical violence.

Furthermore, whenever you see domestic violence, there’s always an Amorphic Projector acting as the abuser and an Amorphic Sponge portraying the victim.

#3 – Communication

By sharing too much information or asking inappropriate/personal questions, Amorphics can make people feel uncomfortable, and, furthermore, many Amorphics consistently ignore social signals.

On the other hand, in order to remain non-committal, some Amorphics share too little information. In fact, based on their needs or a desired outcome, Amorphics might omit pertinent information altogether, and, as a result, they’re often accused of lying.

Since the person who withholds information has greater power, their friends, relatives and colleagues are often at a disadvantage.

Furthermore, because Amorphic Projectors don’t consider the needs or wants of others, they often make choices without consulting those involved, and if they always have to be right, everyone else has to be wrong.

Not surprisingly, Amorphics often make their partners (and others) feel like they’re going crazy!

#4 – Boundaries

Both Amorphic Projectors and Amorphic Sponges have unclear boundaries, and many don’t know where they begin and others end.

While Amorphic Projectors may take advantage of others, Amorphic Sponges may allow people to take advantage of them.

Not knowing how to respect (or recognize) another person’s boundaries, both types of Amorphics often infringe their needs upon others, and this means that they may regularly expect help, support, money, etc…, and, in fact, they may chronically borrow money and default on promises of repayment.

Furthermore, if the Amorphic Sponge is emotionally needy or constantly seeking approval, others may experience his or her “energy” as an infringement in their space.

Since many Amorphics don’t respect privacy, they’re often found eaves-dropping or breaking into private emails. By getting into other people’s business, they frequently interfere where they don’t belong, and depending upon their intention, this can manifest as anything from unsolicited advice to downright manipulation. And, while the lines are blurred, this type of behavior can easily escalate into stalking.

Moreover, when Amorphics don’t respect physical space, it’s common for them to stand too close to other people or demonstrate inappropriate touching. On the other hand, it’s also common for Amorphic Projectors to hide behind a big wall, and by projecting “defensive energy,” keep everyone at a distance.

Additionally, with or without physical touching, some Amorphics use sexual energy as a form of manipulation, and in extreme cases, this can result in sexual harassment or assault.

By “manipulating” the boundaries of an intimate relationship, and justifying infidelity, Amorphics are more likely to cheat on their partners.

Role dysphoria is also common among Amorphics, and when this is the case, they may inappropriately take on the role of a parent or child.

The good news is that, in most cases, Amorphia has a cure!

Here’s How to Heal an Amorphic Relationship

If you’re in a relationship with an Amorphic, it’s safe to say that you’re in an Amorphic Relationship. However, once you understand the underlying dynamics, it’s possible to heal the relationship.

As the friends, partners and relatives of Amorphics, we often unknowingly perpetuate certain dynamics with our own behavior, and, therefore, by identifying and changing certain behaviors in ourselves, we have the power to heal our Amorphic Relationships.

So, if you’re the partner, friend or relative of an Amorphic, here’s what you need to do:

First, identify Amorphic patterns by pinpointing the ways in which Amorphia is showing up in your relationship.

Second, identify the hidden costs: energy draining, disruptive, frequent arguments, chaos, lack of intimacy, etc…

Third, identify your role in the Amorphic Relationship by answering the following questions:

  • Do you have unclear or non-existent boundaries?
  • Do you ever undermine your own worth?
  • Do you feel responsible for the Amorphic and his or her feelings?
  • Are you a people pleaser who doesn’t want to disappoint others?
  • Do you ever change, or hide, certain behaviors in exchange for approval or acceptance?
  • Do you ever change, or hide, certain behaviors in order to avoid guilt?
  • Do you ever change, or hide, certain behaviors in order to avoid someone’s anger, frustration or disappointment?
  • Are you afraid of consequences and threats (especially from the Amorphic Projector)?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you’ve spotlighted, at least, some of the ways in which you might be perpetuating an Amorphic Relationship.

Fourth, if you want to change an Amorphic’s behavior and heal an Amorphic Relationship, you must first change complementary behaviors in yourself!

For example, when it comes to an Amorphic partner, friend or parent:

  • Don’t be a people pleaser.
  • Don’t try to prove your worth.
  • Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by emotions.
  • Don’t be manipulated by guilt and obligation.
  • Don’t change or hide certain behaviors to avoid an Amorphic’s anger, disappointment, etc…
  • Don’t take responsibility for an Amorphic’s
  • Don’t take responsibility for an Amorphic’s
  • Don’t change your behavior in exchange for approval or acceptance.
  • Don’t inhibit your behavior because you’re afraid of consequences or threats.
  • If you believe that you’re in a dangerous situation, get professional help to get out.

Boundaries are Non-Negotiable!

Furthermore, if you’re in a relationship with an Amorphic, set and enforce clear boundaries. Since you can’t assume that someone will know exactly what you mean, always spell it out!

For example:

  • If you want your privacy respected, be perfecting clear that it includes no snooping, ease-dropping and interfering.
  • If you want to create positive and upbeat relationships, set a boundary that says no judgment or negativity.
  • If you want others to value your time, request that they keep their commitments, arrive on time and communicate changes promptly.

When one of your boundaries is crossed, make sure to respond immediately. If you wait to talk about it, your Amorphic partner, friend of relative might deny that it ever happened or reinterpret the event. Therefore, immediately pinpoint the Amorphic behavior and clearly state the boundary that’s been crossed — be clear and decisive without getting into a debate.

Remember, if you want others to respect your boundaries, you must also respect theirs.

Last but not least, cultivate the ability to say “no” and always be “at choice” for all you do and don’t do.

No doubt, it can take time to transform an Amorphic Relationship, and some relationships may need to end, but with love and patience, many relationships can endure — and even thrive.

With grace & gratitude,
Nanice

 

~via WakeUp-World.com