ALEXA PELLEGRINI: “Love Yourself First: Creating Healthy Relationships in a Superficial World”

In the last several years, websites like ChristianMingle.com and Match.com have soared in popularity. Tinder and dating apps have blown up on social media. But relationship issues and loneliness are still more of a problem in our society than ever, and most of us continue to have a difficult time understanding the foundations of love. So, what is love – not just romantic love, but healthy, spiritual love? What does it mean to be in a genuine, loving relationship, and more importantly, how can we all find one? Here are some insights into improving your dating life so you can avoid unfulfilling relationships and get closer to discovering the healing power of love.

Finding ‘True Love’: It’s All About Your Energy

Relationships work on the basis of energetic attraction. The more you neglect loving and accepting yourself, the more you’ll encounter Karmic relationships that will show that this needs to change. To understand ourselves on a higher level, we tend to attract and be attracted to others who mirror our inner wounds. Instead of healing us, these people just exacerbate our pain – and yet ironically, these are the relationships we struggle to escape the most, because our souls are begging for us to heal ourselves! If we have a deep desire for attention, we may be attracted to a narcissistic person who denies us the attention we so desperately seek. If we have a strong need to be validated and nurtured, we may be attracted to someone who pull away the more we chase after them – and so on. There is a variety of ways we can go ‘wrong’ in our personal relationships by trying to deal with our inner wounds through our partners.

You’re probably wondering: how can this be avoided so we can get the relationship we really want? The solution to finding genuine, loving relationships that don’t reflect our identity crises is simpler than you think. Of course, it all starts with love – but not by giving all of your love and everything you have to the person you’re with, so you can convince them to love you wholeheartedly in return. It’s by showing all of that love and care to yourself.

Making Simple Changes, Day by Day

Repeat after me: you don’t need to prove you’re worthy or lovable to anyone – you already are. If you struggle to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re worth everything you have (and more!), it’s important to realize that some serious self-work lies ahead in order to find the relationship of your dreams.

Forgive yourself for all of your past mistakes. Give yourself a pat on the back for the wonderful things you’ve done and how hard you work every day. Look into your eyes and tell yourself that you are lovable and loved – over and over, until you really believe it. These behavioral adjustments are necessary for you to heal yourself and move on from words and events of the past that are holding you back from stepping into your own power and building healthy relationships. Don’t look for someone else to do the hard work of loving and accepting yourself for you – you can rise to the challenge and take on the quest with vigor and courage.

Forget Flowers and Candy: Think Friendship and Forgiveness

Affection, gifts, romantic gestures and great sex are all hallmarks of a healthy, functional relationship, but it doesn’t stop there. We’ve all seen in movies and on TV how sexy, romantic relationships often end in heartbreak, how even the strongest of chemistry between two people often leads to nowhere except a series of one-night stands or a dysfunctional relationship. Yet society tells us that fantastic sex and romance are the defining features of a happy relationship, all while friendship and forgiveness are neglected.

Without being able to connect and empathize with our partners on a human level, we lose the ability to forgive their mistakes and realize that they aren’t solely around to fulfill our emotional, physical and financial needs. Codependency, resentment and declarations of “that’s not fair!” and “you don’t care about me as much as I care about you!” are usually the hallmark of these kinds of relationships. When we fail to see our partners as not only our lovers but our friends, we lose the ability to identify with them on a deeper emotional level and the energetic balance in the relationship is totally thrown off.

Here’s an exercise: in your mind, have your best friend and your partner switch places. How do you treat your best friend? Do you give your friend healthy space, reasonable forgiveness and support for their dreams? Do you do the same for your partner? Creating a feeling of friendship between you and your partner is the easiest way to try to heal a failing relationship.

©Universal Copyright 2015 is authorized here. Please distribute freely as long as both the author Alexa Pellegrini and www.QuantumStones.com are included as the resource and this information is distributed on a non-commercial no charge basis.

 

QUANTUM WORLD: “Has Your Spiritual Awakening Cost You Some Family And Friends?”

For many reasons, the truth may be distorted or hidden. But mostly, it is for power or control.

Do you feel comfortable talking to your friends about the universe?

Do they know what chakras are?

Or what a stargate is?

Do they know what ascension is?

The earth’s evolution or spiritual enlightenment? Most people tend to stay “in the box” when you talk about the creation myth and they stay in a belief system that supports the story of creation according to religion. If you raise questions about our true origins, it tends to separate people and relationships between those who think outside the box versus those who think inside the box.

When these topics are discussed within relationships, they often create disagreements. It’s hard for anyone to admit they’ve been deceived for so long and even more difficult to admit they were possibly wrong in their assumptions.

So who’s right? If you look into the origin of mankind you’ll find an excess of creation myths from all different cultures that have varying dates of existence.

Our educational systems keep us locked inside the box without questioning anything about what we’ve been taught. And this is a prime example of this. Those who remain inside the box are afraid of what others might think if they venture outside the box, so they remain comfortable and subservient while conforming to what society dictates rather than relying on their own intuitions, perception and judgment.

People could live their entire lives pretending to be what society expects them to be and not even know it! What have we truly been taught? From an ego perspective, our thoughts are basically cultivated by what we’ve learned from our family, friends, educational systems, government, political and religious beliefs.

LAUREN MARTIN: “Simple Life: 10 Things People Who Love Being Alone Never Worry About”

I’m a recluse as much as the next guy… At least, that’s what I thought.

After a recent move to a city that welcomed one too many nights out and one too many clubs to name, I came to the harsh realization that my aversion to nights out and the company of others was not normal and I was coming off as, well, rude.

I thought there was nothing wrong with choosing to spend Friday night in the company of myself and my empty apartment.

I thought it was okay to enjoy walking alone more than with a friend. I thought it was healthy to relish in all those moments of solitude.

To people trying to be my friend, or at least use me as a pawn in their game of nights out, I was the antithesis of everything they wanted.

I tried to make myself go out more, push myself to spend Friday nights in the company of others and try to enjoy all that mindless chit chat that came with money spent on too many drinks.

Soon, I began to hate myself and those around me. I started worrying about insignificant nonsense that shouldn’t bother me.

And after one too many nights spent around everyone but myself, I decided that enough was enough and I would spend as much time alone as I ******* please.

I like my company, even if it’s just a little too much, because there’s something beautiful about being at peace with yourself. There’s something comforting about knowing I can come home to myself every night and love it.

There should be more respect for people who can relish in themselves. There should be more admiration for those who aren’t scared of being alone.

There should be some nice words about the loners and the introverts who are content with themselves and don’t need anyone to feel better.

Because loving your alone time is many times a lot healthier than hating it. Those who bask in their own company are the ones with significantly fewer worries than those who need to be around people to fill that void.

The loners, introverts and asocial people of the world are the ones spending their time creating and growing from themselves, rather than worrying about what everyone else is thinking.

They never worry about how they come off

People who like to be alone are more secure than those who are so good at showing face. They are the ones who are never second guessing their actions or working on their appearance.

They don’t care what people think of them because they, themselves, are their harshest critics.

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They never worry about what they just said

The only times people who like their alone time are going out is with people who deserve their shared time. They don’t spend it with people who will judge them or people they worry about taking what they said the wrong way.

They don’t spend hours lying in their beds thinking about what they said or didn’t say back there. They are confident around the people they choose to talk to.

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They never worry about acting like they have something to prove

People who enjoy their own company are not the types to put on airs. They never have to act like they have something to prove because they never have anyone to prove anything to.

When you meet them, you will see they are completely themselves, because that’s who matters to them. If you don’t like them, that’s just one fewer person they need to worry about hanging out with.

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They’re never worried about doing things they don’t want to do

They don’t sit in bed wishing they didn’t have to go to a party where they hate most of the people just so they won’t spend Saturday night stuck with their own thoughts.

They never replace alone time with empty interactions. Their solitude is never rationalized or bargained for by trivial moments with undeserving people.

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They’re never worried about ending up alone

They don’t have that irrational fear of never finding someone. If anything, they fear they will never understand how to share their alone time.

They don’t date people just for the company or settle for unfulfilled love just so they won’t end up alone.

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They never worry about finding something to say

Because they’re not constantly putting themselves around others, they’re not constantly searching for new topics and talking points.

They know who they are and what they like and they don’t have to pretend to be interested in things just to keep the conversation going.

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They never worry about missing out on something

They never have fear of missing out because there’s no place they’d rather be than with themselves. They don’t find it a wasted evening when they don’t go out.

In fact, they see it as the opposite. In our hectic schedules, getting a night to ourselves is easier said than done.

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They never worry about being single

They search for meaning in themselves and take pride in that relationship. They don’t need to feel validated by the significant others they’re supposed to have.

They make sure they are completely in love with themselves before they worry about finding someone else to love.

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They never worry about needing time to think

They spend their alone time exploring all the unexamined spaces of their mind. They don’t go to parties or friends’ houses wishing they could just have a moment to think, alone.

They are constantly thinking and constantly wondering. They are never without moments to ponder those questions that need time.

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They never worry about having to lie or exaggerate

Their lives are complete by themselves. They don’t have to name drop or worry about being cool enough around the people they’re with because they don’t care about impressing current company or making new acquaintances.

They aren’t about collecting friends or racking up phone numbers. They know who they are and there’s no need to exaggerate about that.

 

 

 

 

 

~via EliteDaily