When we were young we listened to jovial stories about princes and princesses falling in love and getting married. We were taught that we only have one true love out there, and that this person (who is always the opposite gender) completes us.
As we grow older many of us seek to fulfil this romantic ideal. Some of us spend years pining and searching for the “perfect” lover who can tick all the boxes and match all of our criteria. In fact, some of us even carry around a mental idea of what our soulmates will look like, sound like, and behave like. Being a romantic soul myself, I always thought that my soulmate would be a tall, mysterious, rebellious, Australian bloke. Perhaps I was simply projecting my own disowned anima (masculine energy) outwards? Instead I fell in love with a logical, brawny, emotionally balanced man of Peruvian descent — a perfect fit for me!
But I’m not the only one who has experienced this. So many of us think we know what we want in a person, when in fact we don’t. And sometimes, when someone not quite matching our description comes along, we shut ourselves off, missing the opportunity.
To those of us who have experienced severe emotional and mental wounding in our lives, soulmates appear as a kind of holy mecca or “promised land.” When we feel incomplete, lonely and disconnected from ourselves, the ideal of soulmate love becomes a beacon of hope promising to save us. Soon we start sincerely believing that our beloved will “complete us,” and thus make our lives meaningful again.
Deep down many of us believe that there is at least one person out there who will fulfill all of our needs and desires. In fact, such a warped belief is what causes such high divorce rates and relationship dysfunction running rife in our societies.
There are so many harmful myths about soulmates that circulate through our cultural dialogues. These myths end up as rigid stories and ideals within our minds. In fact, these ideals and beliefs are actually responsible for limiting our spiritual growth and capacity to mature as divine beings. Believing that anything outside of yourself will complete or make you whole is not only misguided, but highly dangerous to your well-being.
So with this in mind, let’s explore 10 of the most common soulmate love myths out there:
Myth 1. You can “find” your soulmate.
First of all, it’s important to drop the illusion of control. Here’s a wake up call: you have no power over when, where or how your soulmate will appear. All you can realistically do is be open and receptive to meeting your soulmate. The human ego tends to believe that it can control life. But life can’t be controlled. Life is just as wise, wild and mysterious as it is frustrating! Our soulmates often appear “out of the blue” when we least expect them to. But it’s also quite common to intuit, sense or dream about your soulmate before they suddenly appear in your life.
Myth 2. What you want in your soulmate is what you’ll get.
We tend to approach relationships with preconceived notions of what we want or need. So many articles out there that I’ve read recommend “visualizing your soulmate” so as to “attract them” into your life. However, this is another trick of the ego. The law of attraction doesn’t quite work that way. It is your thoughts and beliefs that reflect your reality. Your soulmate often isn’t someone you consciously desire, but someone you unconsciously attract and need for inner growth.
Myth 3. Soulmates will stay with you no matter what.
This is another highly harmful myth that creates a lot of unnecessary pain. As a species we find great comfort in the thought of “always and forever” (hence why marriage is so appealing to us). But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes our soulmates stay for a season, and sometimes they stay for a lifetime.
Myth 4. We only have ONE soulmate.
This point is a matter of personal opinion. However, I believe it is possible to have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. Talking to many people about their thoughts and experiences on love, I’ve discovered that a great number have had “multiple” soulmate experiences. Each was different, precious and life-changing in varied ways. I do, however, believe that we only have one twin flame relationship. Read more about the difference between soulmate and twin flame connections.
Myth 5. Soulmates are always romantic/sexual.
On the contrary, soulmate relationships can be completely platonic with no sexual or romantic feelings involved. In other words, your soulmate could simply be your best friend in the world.
Myth 6. Soulmates are human.
We think of soulmates in terms of humans loving other humans. But many people have felt intense and strong bonds with animals and pets that transcend human language.
Myth 7. Soulmates are the opposite gender.
Religion and tradition would have us believe that soulmates are heterosexual in nature. In reality, love is free: it is not restricted by what is thought of as “right” or “wrong.” Your soulmate could very well be of the same gender as you. If you identify as heterosexual this will obviously come as a great shock to you. However, it will ultimately encourage you to reclaim your authentic sexuality.
Myth 8. Soulmates are single.
Love is a complex emotion. It is true that “we can’t choose who we love” — love flows freely and runs wild. Who can claim to understand the mysteries of the heart? As such, many people are tormented by the fact that the one they love is already in a relationship or marriage. This is not the same as stimulation seeking or lust: soulmates resonate much deeper than great chemistry, sex or compatible interests. As such, soulmates in this position must choose to move on, or break up marriages. While both options are painful, both are ultimately catalysts for growth.
Myth 9. Soulmate relationships are effortless.
There is a widespread assumption that soulmate love is easy and stress free. This belief adds to the desirability and idealization of such a relationship. However, soulmate relationships require time, effort, patience and diligence like any other relationships. Without conscious maintenance, even soulmate relationships will fail.
Myth 10. Soulmates complete you.
Perhaps the most destructive myth of all, the thought that our soulmates complete us is not only misleading but it is also highly self-disrespecting. We are taught to believe that our soulmates are our “missing halves” when in fact they are helpers and catalysts of our spiritual growth. The belief that our soulmate “completes us” is so popular because it encourages us to bypass responsibility for our happiness and wholeness. It’s much easier to put the burden and pressure on others! So many people enter relationships believing their soulmate will give them everything they need. This unfortunately leads to issues such as codependency, toxic enabling and self-betrayal.
Instead of looking outside for completion, why not look inside of your own precious and unexplored soul? Everything — all the love, acceptance and joy you need — is waiting there to be found.
Tell me …
Did you have any strong emotional responses to this article? Perhaps this article was everything you didn’t want to read, or everything you hoped to discover. I hope that I’ve helped to bring more realism to a world that can easily get obscured by myths and ideals.
Some final parting words: learn to completely love, forgive and cherish the person you are. This is the best way to both attract, and bring harmony to your soulmate relationship.
Did I forget to mention any important soulmate love myths? I welcome any thoughts or experiences you have below. Finally, if you haven’t already, take the soulmate test I created (just for fun!).