MATEO SOL: “12 Signs You’ve Lost Your Authenticity and Are ‘Selling Out'”

Authenticity is a big buzzword these days.

“Be more authentic,” “honor your authenticity,” “find your authentic self” — we hear these phrases scattered all over the internet and spoken about everywhere.

But what does being authentic mean? And most importantly, how can we tell when we’re being inauthentic — also known as “selling out”?

What is Authenticity?

Authenticity is the state of simply being yourself, listening to who you really are, and making decisions that align with your beliefs and values. Authenticity at its core is about deeply accepting all that is ‘you’ and honoring it above ALL else.

What is Inauthenticity (i.e. Selling Out)?

Inauthenticity, on the other hand, is about placing external things above your genuine values, needs, dreams, and artistic vision. When we ‘sell ourselves out’ we are essentially placing all of the most important parts of ourselves up for auction. Instead of making decisions based on our genuine beliefs, values, and personal style, we make decisions based on how much money, attention, fame, or acceptance we will gain from other people.

Examples of Authenticity vs. Inauthenticity

Sometimes reading examples helps to flesh out abstract concepts like authenticity. Here are a few examples taken from real life:

An artist has been contacted by a large publishing agency. They would like to mass produce her art but on the one condition that she change the titles and descriptions. Deep down, the artist knows that the titles and descriptions of her art are intrinsic to her work. She refuses the publishing agencies offer. She has made an authentic choice.

A father sees how gifted at writing his teenage son is. But instead of encouraging his son to pursue a career in writing, the father pressures his son to study business and accounting because it is the “safe” choice. The son then dutifully studies business and accounting in university. Both father and son have made inauthentic decisions.

A life coach who specializes in online mentoring wants to grow her business. In order to get more clients, she focuses solely on what is trendy and popular and writes/talks about those topics. She begins to lose touch with her original vision. She has become inauthentic.

A company is pressured by investors and shareholders to change its philosophy in order to be more “hip,” appeal to the new generation and make more profit. The company refuses to compromise their philosophy. They have made an authentic decision.

12 Signs You’ve Lost Your Authenticity and Are Selling Out

We are not perfect people. Perfection is an illusion. Therefore, it is guaranteed that at some point in your life, you will make an inauthentic decision that compromises your values, vision, or beliefs. It’s just part of being human!

Although we can’t be perfect, we can strive to be more conscious. Self-awareness and honesty are the two key qualities we need to prevent ourselves from slipping into bad choices.

If you’re concerned that you might be “selling out,” read the signs below. They will help to either confirm or challenge your feelings:

  • Your top priority is making bucket loads of money

  • You’re obsessed with getting new followers, fans or subscribers (e.g. on social media)

  • You let others make decisions for you

  • You let others dictate who you are + who you ‘should’ be

  • You follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing

  • You always follow trends even if they don’t make sense to you

  • You reveal only what makes you look good

  • You copy other people and their style/lifestyle

  • You ignore your gut feelings and intuition

  • You wear a mask around others
    You’re scared to be vulnerable and express your true feelings, thoughts, or values (which may be unpopular)

  • You make decisions based on how much attention, fame, money or acceptance you’ll receive rather than your genuine beliefs, values, or vision

Take a few thoughtful moments to make a serious assessment of the list above. Evaluate each point with an honest heart.

How many can you relate to?

How to Stop Selling Out

 

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

~B. Brown

 

I want to make a clear distinction here. There is a difference between selling yourself and selling out.

Selling yourself, in business and career fields, is about highlighting your genuine strengths and gifts, and offering those to the world. Selling out, on the other hand, is about compromising your personal integrity and letting external things drive you instead of internal qualities.

Also, not everyone has the liberty of making authentic decisions — but I want to emphasize that these situations are literally survival situations. For example, if a small business owner from an impoverished country was approached by a wealthy businessman who wanted to invest in and change his company, do you think it would be smart to decline? In certain environments and situations, making choices that go against our creative vision is essential in order to survive. But if you’re blessed to live in more fortunate circumstances where you’re not literally faced with starvation or anything else equally serious, then making authentic decisions is an intelligent way to live life.

Why is being authentic intelligent? Because you are listening to your heart and nurturing your soul. Money, fame, adoration, and approval from others will quench your ego’s need for safety and control — but that only lasts for so long. Soon, you will be left with a big, empty, gaping hole inside. The true joy, inner peace, and fulfillment come when you are living your truth and putting your essence out into the world.

So how do you let your essence — your passions, perspectives, and values — guide you? Here are some ideas; many of which I have discovered across my own authenticity journey:

1. Pay attention to how the decisions you make feel physically. Do you feel uncomfortable, heavy or dark sensations? Or does your body feel light and energized? Unlike the mind, the body cannot lie. Your body is the best lie detector out there. If you are about to make a decision that does not align with your values, your body will immediately feel and express that. Pay attention to warning signs such as heaviness in the heart area, tensed muscles, lightheadedness, cold shivers, and even physical cringing. Your physical warning signs will be unique to you (and can’t all be listed here), so search for them diligently.

2. Get your priorities straight. At the end of the day, what will TRULY fulfill you? Think about this question very carefully. Will you ultimately be happy with truckloads of followers, clients, money, or a lavish lifestyle, without feeling like you’ve stayed true to yourself? Money is important, don’t get me wrong. But how much money do you actually need in order to be happy and feel fulfilled? You might also like to explore what your main driving forces are: are you driven by power, success, fame, wealth or your individual and unique style, talents, passions, visions, and desires to make an impact? Focus on nailing down your main motivating force and ask yourself, “Is this healthy? Is this aligned with who I truly am?”

3. Explore inauthentic areas in your life. Intentionally carve out time and space to assess your life – that might even mean just sitting here as you’re reading this article and doing a bit of quiet reflecting. Think about areas in your life that you’re unhappy with. Have you lost your authentic voice in that area … or is the issue something else altogether? This process takes honesty. Write down every choice, commitment, and behavior that feels out of alignment with your deepest passions, perspectives, and values.

4. Make the hard choices. Once you’ve identified the inauthentic areas of your life, it’s time to act. You will need to carve out a plan — possibly multiple plans — to regain a sense of personal integrity. Ask yourself questions such as, “What must absolutely go and what can stay?” “What is true to me and what is false?” “What options do I have?” “What is the potential loss and gain in this situation?” “What is the best scenario and worst scenario?” “What is my plan A and plan B?” “What am I clinging to for dear life?” Use a tool like journaling to help you get out your thoughts, feelings, and plans in a coherent, organized, and structured way.

5. Integrate the experience with self-compassion. Once you have made the necessary change, it’s time for reflection. How did it feel to make such big (or small) changes? What parts of you felt threatened? What did you find it easy to let go of and difficult to surrender? How does it feel to walk your own genuine path? How can you avoid making inauthentic decisions in the future? These are all the kind of vital questions you’ll benefit from asking and exploring. Most importantly, integration is about accepting our humanness and all the frailty that comes along with it. Embrace your mistakes, forgive yourself, and let your hard-earned lessons make you stronger and wiser.

In this loud, confusing, and overwhelming world, it can be easy to slip into the role of selling out your integrity and authenticity to gain power, fame, or money. We are bombarded with messages from the media, social media, our colleagues, and even our friends and family members to be anything other than what we are. But in order to live fulfilled and soul-driven lives, we need to put a firm foot down. We need to learn when to say “no” and forcefully draw the line and protect our integrity.

I hope this article has inspired you to preserve your artistic vision, inner values, or deeply held passions. What makes life beautiful is how unique and varied it is. I hope you share your own unique flavor of authenticity with the world!

What is your experience with selling out? Do you have any tips to share surrounding integrity and authenticity?

Finally, I’ll leave you with a final quote. Tell me in the comments, do you agree or disagree with this statement below?

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

~Andre Gide

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

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DEJAN DAVCEVSKI: “Be You”

When you hear someone say ‘just be yourself’ you might want to throw up. I know I get really irritated by this watered down garbage of advice.

What does even ‘just be yourself’ mean? You want to be successful, how does ‘just be yourself’ can help you? What does it really mean? For most people nothing, it’s cliche.

But as with most cliches, when you get the real meaning behind this overused advice, it’s probably the best advice anyone can give you.

What does ‘Be Yourself’ really mean?

It means to drop all attachments you have to certain personality, to certain characters, to certain traits and ideas you need to identify yourself.

It means to drop all labels you put on yourself!

Just be yourself, the thing most people say as a biased reaction, means to stop caring who you are and let this responsibility to others.

It means to stop trying to define yourself!

You don’t need definition. You are a constant process of becoming. And these labels and definitions just limit your potential. Be yourself means to let go of these limits.

It means to free yourself to become who you were meant to be!

By not having limits and definitions you continue your unfolding and becoming into the truest version of yourself!

You don’t depend on any of the world’s molds that other people created with their uniqueness.

Being yourself, you become unique, irreplaceable, your own archetype!

We try to control and customize how other people perceive us, we edit and cut parts of ourselves to fit the idea we have for ourselves, the mold.

But you have no idea who you can become!

You cannot possibly imagine your true potential!

You cannot possibly know your uniqueness!

Controlling how other people perceive you, creating and editing your character to fit into a mold, that’s not your business.

Let other people perceive you as they perceive you. Don’t try to fit into any mold, instead, strive to create your own mold.

So stop controlling, your business is nothing more and nothing less but to be you!

You don’t have to design your character, you don’t have to identify with the work you do, you don’t have to label yourself with your passions.

Stop trying to define yourself. Stop trying to find yourself. Instead, strive to be yourself most of the time.

Just let yourself be who you are without a care!

Be yourself unconditionally!

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

LISA RENEE (Time Shift Blog): “Embodying Integrity”

“The world is rapidly changing during these stages of bifurcation, in which the Negative Polarity and Positive Polarity spirals are becoming more extreme and amplified in the external. In order to stay deeply connected into our core self, and to withstand the massive impact of these opposing forces colliding, we must take conscious steps now to embody personal integrity.”

~Lisa Renee

 

Personal Integrity is the quality of being truthful and honest with yourself and others, of intentionally aligning personal behaviors and actions to be congruently aligned with your own Personal Value System, moral principles, and ethics. It generally requires personal choice and commitment to align ourselves to stay consistent with personal values and ethical standards, so that when we speak we mean what we say.

Developing Personal Integrity is essential to becoming a stable, clear and trustworthy person that aligns their decisions in life with their chosen personal values. It is the milestone of building a strong character guided by one’s chosen personal values, and is reflected in a person that is firmly centered in purpose and directed in life by their own core self. We compromise our core integrity whenever we let others make poor decisions for us or when we betray a trust, betray our personal values, or betray that which we know is the truth for ourselves. When we compromise our Personal Integrity, we allow a back door vulnerability for dark force manipulation that many times descends even more darkness and chaos into the situation where we had made the compromise. To support the embodiment of our true essential nature, achieve single soul occupancy and continual consciousness expansion, it is imperative that we understand how to generate and maintain Personal Integrity.

Self-Inquiry upon Personal Integrity

To build and maintain personal integrity takes some effort and commitment, like developing the self-awareness that is required to define your personal values so that you can measure your behaviors and actions, in order to evaluate how aligned you are to your authentic self. When you consciously participate to clarify personal beliefs and core values, the next step is to honestly assess how well you are doing, by reviewing yourself in a personal integrity report. It may be a powerfully positive process to review your core values and generate personal integrity reports annually, so that you can see how you are evolving and transforming, as you better stay aligned to your own personal value system. This begins to develop more competency in self-leadership and life management skills, so that you are empowered to make positive differences from the values that you lead in your life. Real self-leadership and Self-Ownership begins when we have absolute clarity within the context of our personal beliefs and core values, which become the guiding principles we follow in our lives.

What are the most important Personal Values that motivate my life?  

Choose up to five of the most important core values that feel the most essential to live authentically and express your highest purpose. Then focus upon those themes that you have chosen and evaluate if you are practicing and increasing these important values throughout your life. In the Guardian context for reclamation of Christ, our personal core value system would be directly connected to the Law of One practices. For example, for those dedicated to be of service to the Law of One, some of our most important personal core values are:

  • Expressing Unity Consciousness, knowing we are all interconnected.
  • Expressing Unconditional Love and Compassion to Myself, Love Others and Love Earth.
  • Expressing Service to Others orientation to motivate personal actions.

Maybe upon deeper reflection or in the future you’ll find that your most important personal values are shifting, or are revealing differently in order to become more specific in their quality. The more specific we are in identifying our core values, the more accurate and clear we can be when applying those to the behaviors that guide our life. As an example, let’s say through deeper self-study you have identified a recurring pattern that makes it hard to feel confident in valuing yourself when in the company of intimidating people. One of the core values that you choose is to Value Yourself equally to others, no matter what happens. To make this an important guideline in your life will help strengthen personal behavior to value yourself while in intimidating situations, which increases Personal Integrity.

Once you’ve defined some of your most important personal values, then inquire on each one to evaluate how you can better align your thoughts and behaviors with the meaning of each value. For example, ask three questions about the core values of expressing Unity, to help you accurately assess positive changes that you can make to be more authentic and within integrity.

  • What does Unity mean to me, how do I express Unity in my thoughts, behaviors and actions?
  • How can I better practice Unity consciousness throughout my life?
  • Am I practicing empathy with others to more deeply express Unity?

Am I living in Personal Integrity and what areas can I improve?

As you meditate and reflect on your life over the past year, assess if you have been authentic to your core values and the ways that you can improve your actions, to reflect integrity and authenticity in the future. In each area when reflecting upon personal values, inquire on what is aligned to your authentic self, those things that feel they are functioning well. Then place your attention upon the personal lessons and opportunities that you have to greatly increase inner strength, the core strength you will need in order to act authentically and within personal integrity.

Summarize the key points in your Personal Integrity Assessment for reference.

As you gain clarity on identifying important personal values and how you can build and maintain authentic integrity, prepare a summary of key points that you can revisit for inspiration to help guide your life direction and purpose in the next cycle. Print out your notes to clarify in more detail your personal vision for living within core personal values, knowing that when you are maintaining personal integrity it naturally aligns to fulfill your highest purpose. Embodying core personal values, living, thinking and breathing those values is what expresses Personal Integrity. This is the key to avoid negative cause and effect or miasmatic imprints upon what you are manifesting. Then make an effort to re-read and reflect upon your Personal Integrity Assessment regularly, to keep you focused on what personal core values are the most important guiding principles of fulfilling your most authentic expression.

Practical Application of Embodying Integrity

In the process of completing a personal integrity self-assessment and consciously choosing your value system based on what you know to be true for you, now is the time to take conscious steps every day to behave in ways that are consistent with your personal values.

  • Identify the behavioral traits that need to be addressed and are required to change.
  • Determine the underlying reasons why you have not behaved with greater personal integrity.
  • Observe the obstacles and other people that are used as excuses to lie or violate your personal values or moral code.
  • Commit to build authentic relationships through greater truthfulness, honesty and being open and direct.
  • Compile a list of tasks and behaviors in which you dedicate to become more trustworthy and honest.
  • Protect your basic human rights to be authentic and protect the rights of others, by respecting the decisions and opinions of other people.
  • When possible, be of service to others and live as an example for embodying truthfulness and integrity.
  • Be willing to honestly self-assess progress on your commitment to personal integrity, making adjustments along the way.
  • Look for the support of others who are inspiring examples of personal integrity, and have similar goals and personal values to be honest and trustworthy.
  • Develop Accountability for personal behaviors and actions, and if you make a mistake that impacts others or you break a promise, be willing to admit it and apologize.

The world is rapidly changing during these stages of bifurcation, in which the Negative Polarity and Positive Polarity spirals are becoming more extreme and amplified in the external. In order to stay deeply connected into our core self, and to withstand the massive impact of these opposing forces colliding, we must take conscious steps now to embody personal integrity.

 

(Source: ES Newsletter – Personal Integrity)

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – December 18, 2018

MATEO SOL: “6 Ways You Hinder Your Self-Growth Without Knowing It”

Our “self-esteem” is a very delicate illusion. We are so off-centered when it comes to locating the origin of our self-worth, that the smallest realization of an imperfection in ourselves can bring up all kinds of insecurities.

When a person begins working with their soul, they will start through self-exploration to gain energy, vitality, and clarity. They will also, however, notice the ‘shock’ of beginning to see their own unconscious selves and their deep inner fragmentation (e.g: all your sub-personalities).

These contradictions within ourselves that speak of who we truly are beyond the social and cultural conditioning in our lives, are humbling, but more importantly, they can also be disturbing. If we were to discover and consciously become aware of all these contradictions at once, the shock would be so great we would most likely go insane.

Our brains have a limited capacity to process all the intellectual and sensory information that we encounter at any given moment, and because of this the unconscious mind exists. In essence, the unconscious mind is a psychological “buffer” which is a part of the brain that stores all the unprocessed information the conscious mind can’t handle.

The unconscious mind works as a shock-absorber, and in psychology this is known as a “defense mechanism”. There are an infinity of defense mechanisms going on within us at any given moment, but these are some of the most common I’ve observed in our practices:

Innocent Bystander

One of the greatest hindrances in anybody’s journey of self-growth is to fool themselves into thinking they haven’t done anything wrong. This may be why the recovering addict’s first step is to acknowledge they have a problem. Most people live in denial or avoidance of exploring themselves because it keeps them from properly recognizing their more unsavory traits and capacities.

“The world is screwed up but I’m completely guilt free” is their basic outlook on life. They refuse to see the interconnection between their actions and lifestyle with the external world around them.

Innocent Critic

This defense mechanism is very similar to the Innocent Bystander, only this one avoids guilt by actively criticizing the world and people around them. Criticizing is our way of rebelling against society and wanting to find a way out, of wanting to be outside of the ‘herd’ while still feeling a sense of false participation.

Critical thought is a necessary instrument in any persons self-growth. But often these “critics” use critical thinking as way of boosting their ego, to feel smarter than the ‘herd’ who haven’t realized what the critic has. Unfortunately, noticing what’s wrong with the state of affairs of the world isn’t enough unless you actively apply a solution to the problem. It’s the essential difference between the paths of self-discovery and self-understanding.

Suppression

Unquestionably, a major obstacle in living a fulfilling life to the maximum of your potential is your inability to be authentic to yourself (it’s the key element in Self-Love). All too often we live with an inner tension of controlling desires that we fear will be socially unacceptable. Let’s say you like a movie or a song that you know your friends don’t like, or maybe you are attracted to someone you know everyone will disapprove of, so you suppress that feeling.

The suppression won’t make the feeling go away, in fact, what happens is that you might be so good at suppressing the feelings that your unconscious mind learns to switch between your authentic self (“I like this person or thing”) to your false sub-personality (“I don’t like the person or thing anymore”).

In the end, the unconscious defense mechanism of “suppression” is protecting you from experiencing confusion as to whether you like something or not by jumping from one extreme to the other. Not only does suppression hinder your self-growth, but it can also contribute towards emotional, psychological and physical repression resulting in a host of sicknesses.

Repression

Repression differentiates from suppression in one important way. While suppression is initially a conscious process of having a desire and learning to avoid or ignore is, repression is an entirely unconscious process.

For example, you might have had a traumatizing experience as a child that unconsciously affected your feelings towards whatever the experience involved. This unconscious defense mechanism basically serves to protect you from feeling pain or other difficult emotions connected to the memories of what is being repressed.

Sometimes, religious beliefs or social conditioning can be so strong that desires that would normally be consciously suppressed (such as sexuality for instance), become automatically unconsciously repressed. You don’t even become aware of what exactly were the desires of your original authentic self, and this makes you completely out of touch with your true self. This self-denying defense mechanism makes it very difficult to learn and cultivate Self-Love.

Reactive Extremes

In psychology the technical term is “reactive formation”, and this is something you’ll observe everywhere. The nature of the unconscious mind is that it requires absolute certainties — it needs to see the world in black or white. There is no grey, or “in between”.

Many people who had a very strict religious upbringing for example, grow older and become disillusioned with the dogmatic ideas they’ve been taught. These people unconsciously find atheism a very attractive option, and become fanatical anti-God advocates, almost dogmatically. Another example of a reactive extreme is the person who finds it difficult to deal with, or understand, other people, and as a reaction decides to become a hermit and go live in the mountains.

Going to reactive extremes can also be illustrated in the case of sour grapes (or the false pretense that we don’t care for something we really do care for, which can be illustrated in the Fox and the Grapes fable). In this situation, our unconscious mind realizes that we are fixated on a certain topic so it protects us by going from one extreme to the other, e.g. from love to hatred.

Blameless Victim

I’m sure we’ve all come across an angry victim of life, someone who blames other people or the world for their difficulties. But everyone uses blame as a defense mechanism to some extent. In truth, what we’re defending ourselves from is our own responsibility for dealing with the unpleasant experience we’ve been given.

To indulge in blame is to give up personal responsibility and mentally delegate it to someone else, convincing ourselves that we are not responsible for the state of our lives, instead blaming it on some “outside force”. The blameless victim mechanism blocks us from seeing clearly just how we are contributing to our own suffering.

Essentially, the blameless victim is one of the fiercest protectors of our ego. It causes us to feel that we’re never failing ourselves, or that we lack the maturity or strength to come to terms with the reality of the situations we’re confronted with. Whatever happened is not evidence of our own inadequacy, but of someone else’s.

Have you observed any defense mechanisms in yourselves or in others? Let me know in the comments below!

 

~via Wake-UpWorld.com