NEZEL PADAYHAG: “10 Ways To Strengthen The Love Within Your Family”

“The best ideal for unity is love.”

~Nezel Padayhag

 

Every family is a building block in the society we live in. In order to have a strong and loving society, we must ensure that it starts with the family.

Love is what keeps a family strong and intact. Without love, a family can’t stand the tests of time. No relationship can.

This doesn’t mean that because you have genuine love, conflicts would no longer arise. On the contrary, genuine love can be tough but is not conditioned.

Family love is a safe haven for unconditional love. Unconditional love means even if there are arguments and fighting at times, your love for each other stays the same.

The stronger the bond of love we can create within the family, the better and more loving society we can constitute. Here are some ways you can strengthen the love of your family.

10 Ways To Strengthen The Love Within Your Family

 

1. Include some form of spirituality.

Whatever you and your family believe in, include some form of spirituality within your home and your interactions. Have a mutual ideal that you all follow, so even if your beliefs are different, you can meet at this ideal. The best ideal for unity is love.

2. Eat together.

The dining table is the best place to share exciting experiences. Eating together can be hell if your relationships are difficult, if you can’t handle each other. However, that’s exactly why eating together is important, it highlights all the areas you need to work on.

3. Let others feel loved and accepted.

When you interact with your family, it’s much more important to let them feel loved and be kind, than be right, even if you really are right and they are wrong. The most important ingredient is love and your relationship is about love, not about who is right.

4. Go somewhere together.

Taking a trip together, even if it’s for just one day, can bring you much closer. Sometimes it’s the environment you always interact with that stimulates bad behavior and irritates old wounds. Changing the environment can give you a different perspective of who they are.

When you laugh with someone you are bonding with them on a deeper level. And laughing with your siblings can be more healing than you can even imagine.

5. Laugh together.

When you laugh with someone you are bonding with them on a deeper level. And laughing with your siblings can be more healing than you can even imagine.

6. Set strong boundaries for yourself.

In order to be open with our family and love them freely, without getting drained of our energy it’s important to have strong boundaries. You need to let your family know the importance of your boundaries. Show respect, trust and honesty so they can show it back.

7. Nurture the relationship with each other.

Have weekly hang outs with your family. If you can’t do it once per week do it once per two weeks. Spend an extra bonding time with each member in the family to make them feel special. Maintain your relationships.

8. Don’t gossip or keep secrets from each other.

Keeping secrets within your family and gossiping is going to rust your family apart. Secrets and gossip create bonding but in a form of triangulation, you are bonding with one member while using another member as the topic for the conversation, as a punching bag.

9. Talk about things that matter.

Instead of small talk, gossip and shallow conversations, or topics that lead you to argue with each other, speak about things that are real. Speak about your feelings, speak about what really matters to you, what you are passionate about. That’s what family is for.

10. Do not try to change anyone.

Nobody is perfect. And yeah, some family members might function with an old, really outdated operating system. But it’s not your job to change them, it’s not their job to change you either. Accept each other with all your flaws and try to love who you are.

A home that is full of love is felt not only by adults but also by babies.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

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ALETHEIA LUNA: “12 Signs It’s Time to Move On and Burn All Bridges”

“It is not selfish to burn bridges when the person on the other end is feeding off your soul. In fact, deliberately moving toxic people from your life is a sign of self-love and respect for your personal needs.”

~Aletheia Luna

 

There often comes a point where we outgrow the people in our lives, develop different interests, and even in the best circumstances, lose people due to the natural cycle of life and death.

But when is the right time to move on from a relationship that feels doomed? Should we wait it out … should we try to pick up the broken pieces, and if so, for how long? At what point is it acceptable to walk away and never look back?

Burning bridges is a tough and serious decision to make. When we “burn bridges” we are essentially cutting off all contact with a person and making it impossible to return. If you’re struggling with this decision, there are a few things you might like to know first.

When Burning Bridges is the Wrong Choice

Cutting people off is not always the right decision. As much as we would like to quickly dispose of a person who is causing us trouble, sometimes the problem originates more within us than them.

For instance, burning bridges might be the wrong choice if you’re wanting to dispose of a person due to fear of intimacy and the unwillingness to be vulnerable. Both of these problems will not be solved by cutting a person off, and in fact, making such a decision will exacerbate and deepen your insecurities. If you’re uncomfortable with sharing your entire self with another person in a friendship or relationship, the problem obviously isn’t the other person, but your own internal fears and traumas. In order to work through this problem, be honest with yourself and the person in your life. Explain how you feel. If they truly love you, they will understand and will stop trying to make you open up.

Another example of a wrong time to move on would be in the heat of anger (or another strong emotional reaction). When we are consumed by emotions our logic is overridden and we cannot think or see clearly. So many poor and even fatal decisions are made when our amygdala has gone haywire (bring to mind all the crimes of passion you hear on the news). In order to prevent yourself from making a rash decision, force yourself to breathe in and out for a couple of minutes. Removing yourself from the person or situation also helps your mind and body to settle down.

The final example of a wrong time to move on is when a relationship changes and stops being fun and exciting all the time. So many people tend to mistakenly believe that there’s something “wrong” with their relationship as it matures and grows because it’s no longer filled with the same ecstasy experienced at the beginning. But the reality is that every relationship changes: you will not experience the same dizzy euphoria as you did when you first fell in love. But there will be new emotions to experience as you grow and change with your partner. It is normal to feel a bit of boredom every now and then, but this does not necessarily mean that you need to burn bridges and move on. Obviously, if you’re feeling constantly bored and unfulfilled then you should seriously reconsider your relationship. But don’t make the mistake of hopping from partner to partner in an attempt to find that one person who makes you feel euphoric 100% of the time. It just won’t happen.

If you need more guidance on how to improve your relationship, read my article How to Save a Relationship or Marriage. You might also like to read more about how to create a deep spiritual connection with your partner.

12 Signs It’s Time to Move On

So when is it the right time to move on?

At some point in our lives, we all need to make the heart-wrenching choice to sever contact with certain people. For some of us, that might mean burning bridges with our ex-partners or friends, and for others, this might mean cutting off contact with our parents, siblings or even our own children.

It is unrealistic — and even dangerous — to believe that all relationships can be repaired, no matter what has happened. We cannot change other people, no matter how hard we try. Yes, we might be able to influence them, but the choice to change comes from them, not us. We cannot force others to change. Therefore, sometimes we need to accept that it’s time to move on, let go, and open a new chapter of our lives because no matter what we do, a person will only change if they are interested in changing.

Letting go can even seem cruel to some people, especially if a strong emotional bond is present. But the reality is that we have to take care of ourselves as well. If a person is not a source of comfort or support in your life, then they hang around you like dead weight holding you back from self-fulfillment. It is not selfish to burn bridges when the person on the other end is feeding off your soul. In fact, deliberately moving toxic people from your life is a sign of self-love and respect for your personal needs.

Here are some major signs that it’s time to move on:

1. They don’t show interest in your thoughts, opinions or needs

Your relationship is very lopsided. Even when you try to express your thoughts and needs, you are met with a blank, uninterested wall. Life seems to revolve around the other person, and whenever you try to draw a conversation towards yourself, this person will immediately try to hog attention. In the past, you may have drawn attention to the fact that this person doesn’t show interest in your needs, but nothing changed and they made no effort to pay attention to you. This person has an “ME first, you second” attitude.

2. They emanate constant negativity

No matter what you do or say, the other person is always unhappy. This person might nitpick, whine, criticize, judge, and moan about you or other people all the time. Not only that, but you always seem to go away feeling miserable after spending time with this person. They are like a damp heavy blanket suffocating your soul.

3. They don’t encourage your freedom

A major red flag: if the other person is controlling and authoritative, back away slowly! If you feel trapped and unable to be your true self, it’s most definitely time to move on. Feeling trapped can also be subtle and passive, for example, a partner or parent who tries to keep you dependent on them so that they have power over you.

4. They twist the truth

You struggle to trust this person because they have lied to you so much in the past. Lying is not always active, it can also be passive, for example, withholding information or details that you needed to know. This person has repeatedly broken your trust and is not transparent with you.

5. They don’t prioritize your relationship

The other person doesn’t seem to value your relationship/friendship as much as you do. While you put in so much work to improve your relationship with them, the other person doesn’t seem to care at all. Even when you have asked them to uphold their side of the relationship, they still ended up prioritizing other things over you. For example, they might spend long nights out with their friends at the pub and return at 3am. Or they might forget dates, meetups or agreements and put work or other commitments above you. While busyness is a normal part of life, this person doesn’t seem to have time on their schedule for you at all.

6. They create constant drama

You feel exhausted having to deal with all of the problems and dramas surrounding this person. Even when something goes well for your friend/partner/family member, they quickly find something else to be unhappy about. You have a sense that this person thrives on drama and is empty without it. You’re tired of hearing detailed accounts of their fights, work dramas, relationship tragedies, righteous opinions, ad infinitum.

7. They feed off your energy

This person seems to be fuelled by your attention and emotional reactions. They might enjoy provoking you to elicit a response that makes them feel like they have power over you. You also feel very tired around them, and almost sucked into their gravitational pull. If you feel this way, you’ve likely got an energy vampire on your hands. While I don’t particularly like this term, it accurately describes people who enjoy leeching off our energy.

8. They’re relentlessly needy

You feel smothered by this other person and like you’re bound to them with a ball and chain. Not only do you have to take care of your needs, but you feel as though you have to take care of their needs as well. This person seems to constantly demand attention, pampering, affection, and favors from you. You’ve tried encouraging this person to stand on their own two feet, but they seem intent on clinging off you. This person seems to be incapable of being self-assured and constantly seeks approval from you.

9. They have physically hurt you

In moments of rage, your friend/partner/family member may have hit you or physically hurt you in some way. While they may have apologized, your trust and confidence around them have been broken. Physical abuse is a crystal clear sign that it’s time to move on and burn bridges, forever.

10. They make you want to hide your true self

You’ve tried being relaxed and open around this person, but you’ve been met with coldness, criticism or judgment. As a result, you may have resorted to hiding your true self and wearing a mask instead. Gradually, you may have even started to forget who you truly are, having become a shell of your former self instead. You feel sick of changing who you are for the other person.

11. They manipulate you

You chronically feel emotionally blackmailed or gaslighted by this person. Sometimes you even feel like you’re the abuser, when in fact, the other is just playing mind games with you.

12. They intentionally hold you back

On the surface it may appear that your friend, partner or family member has “the best intentions for you,” but really, they don’t. They are scared. They don’t want you to change. They don’t want you to reach your full potential, for that will make them feel left behind. They don’t want to see you happy, for that will reflect how unhappy they are. They don’t want you to take risks, for that will force them to reconsider their own life choices. As the old truism goes, “misery loves company.” Unhappy people want to be surrounded by other unhappy people because it gives them some sense of consolation. As a result, you might feel like you have to dim down your lights, blend in, and become a wallflower.

After reading this list:

After reading this list, please know that you don’t have to say “yes” to every sign. Even if you’re experiencing just one or two of these signs, you should seriously consider the possibility that it’s time to move on. While you don’t have to necessarily burn bridges, you might like to create space and distance and see how you feel.

Hopefully these signs can gently awaken you to the possibility that it’s time to open a new chapter of your life. And please know that feeling things like stress, shame, and grief are all normal reactions. Personally, when it was time for me to burn bridges I felt intense emotional and psychological turmoil for many months. In my case, I had to cut ties with my entire family in order to escape their oppressive fundamentalist religion. But to my surprise, I felt so free and liberated that all of the pain of going through separation was worth it.

I hope you can find the same kind of freedom. Your heart and soul are stronger than you may think.

 

About the author: Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a psychospiritual counselor, tarot reader, and professional writer, Luna’s mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance.

 

~via LonerWolf.com