FIONA REILLY: “Four Tips for Effective Listening”

The gift of being heard is something really precious. Having someone listen attentively to our expression or story is very healing and can enable us find our own understanding, acceptance, balance and joy again. Listening sounds like a very simple thing and indeed it is, yet many of us struggle to listen effectively. Being a good listener requires being present and fully attentive to the other. It is not about offering advice or fixing anything or making the other feel better, it’s simply being there and paying attention.

 

“Whatever life we have experienced, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Four Tips for Effective Listening

So how might we listen more effectively… there are many things that can help! Below I outline four suggestions that I have found to be fundamental to good listening.

Be Present

Initially, it is vital to be present and with the speaker, to give them our full attention. If possible find a quiet place for a listening exchange where you are unlikely to be disturbed. Turn off phones and any background noise. Honour your boundaries, if you feel you only have 20 minutes to listen, say so at the beginning so the boundaries are clear or explain that now is a not a good time and arrange to connect when the time is right. To the best of your ability come from a place of acceptance and compassion and avoid judgement of them or their story. Be fully attentive to them and the energy between you.

 

“Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Simply Listen

Many of us want to try to fix and make things better for the other person, yet the most beneficial way is for them to work through whatever is arising and to find their own solutions. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain or confusion or whatever their experience is, to explore it and then they may feel empowered to move through it. Telling someone they need to be strong or things will get better or something similar isn’t effective longterm and can be disempowering. So try not to fix the situation or offer solutions unless they are invited. When listening our purpose isn’t to make a person feel better, simply by having their experiences heard in a non-judgemental and accepting way can allow things to shift and heal.

 

“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.”

~Paul Parker

 

Focus On the Speaker’s Perspective

While it’s useful to be able to identify with their experience, telling someone of your similar experience is not usually helpful, so try not to habitually compare their situation to one that you have experienced. It is of course fine if you are having a two way conversation, however if you want to encourage a person to explore their experience, your story isn’t what they need to hear, at least not until they have worked through their own stuff. It can take from what the speaker is saying and turns the attention away from them. Occasionally it may be appropriate to share your own experience, use your intuition on when that feels right. You could check with the speaker if they’d like you to share what happened to you, though mostly I find it best to stay with what the speaker is sharing.

In order to acknowledge their experience and what they have shared, you can reflect back to them what you heard them say, for example “You felt very angry when that happened”. Such a reflection does a number of things, it shows that you are listening, that their feelings or expressions are valid and enables them to go into more depth around the issues. In focussing on the other person you may notice the subtleties of body language, tone of voice… etc., which can sometimes indicate more than their words and again if appropriate you can reflect back what you notice.

Don’t engage in a drama or exaggerate the situation, sometimes what is being shared may arise feelings in you, acknowledge these internally though put them aside you can always return to explore them yourself at a more appropriate time.

Become Comfortable With Silences

For many silences or gaps in conversation cause discomfort and they rush to fill the quietness with something. However allowing a silence lets the speaker know that you are there for them and ready to listen when they are ready to speak. Speaking in order to break a silence usually ends up in directing the speaker in a different direction, than what may have otherwise arose next. If you do feel to ask questions, do so for clarity and understanding. The facts or details usually don’t matter. If you do feel to ask questions try to keep them open ended, you could you phrases like “How was that for you?” to encourage more disclosure or as I mentioned earlier reflect back what you have just heard.

Acknowledge Pain

This is an excellent video relating to how to support a grieving friend and the principles offered could be used with other challenging situations, not only grief. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain, to explore and accept it and then they may feel empowered to move through it.

 

“One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing. Listening to someone. Simply listening. Not advising or coaching, but silently and fully listening.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

With loving gratitude for all those who have shown me how to listen well and for my continued learning. I wish you well with your listening explorations,

Fiona

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

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VIDYA FRAZIER: “Shifting Toward the Fifth Dimension”

“If you look closely, you will realize that the disappearing parts of yourself are just parts of your personality self that are leaving.  You discover that there’s a Higher YOU inside that never changes.  It’s the YOU that was the same when you were 3 years old, 15 and 35 years old.  It is, and always has been, the YOU that is real.  It is also the one that has always been leading you through life, whether you’ve been aware of it or not.  In these current experiences of deep insecurity and loss of connection to outer supports, know that you are being called to trust this Higher YOU — your Higher Self.”

~Vidya Frazier

 

If you’ve been experiencing a lot of change, loss and uncertainty in your life lately, you can know you are deep into your ascension process. These are perhaps the most common indications that you’re in the process of making your way through the higher Fourth Dimension, preparing you to eventually enter the Fifth.

But it’s generally not a lot of fun, dealing with this process. Many people are finding that so much is changing in their lives and within their being, it can be frightening. They feel lost, without a compass to guide them through the ever-shifting reality they’ve entered into.

It seems to be harder than ever to know which decision to make in any moment, not knowing where it might take you. The old ways of feeling certain about your life seem to be falling away — the old relationships that used to provide comfort, the old situations that gave you a sense of financial stability, and the old beliefs that used to guide you. There’s nothing much to hold onto anymore to feel safe and certain of who you are and where you’re going.

You are a Pioneer

And this is because you are a pioneer on this path into the Fifth Dimension. Most people haven’t a clue yet about this journey. It’s a whole new experience for humanity — and one also that evidently no other beings in the universe have ever made before, while taking their physical bodies with them. So much of it is still unknown.

But you, as a courageous lightworker, have volunteered to go ahead as a pioneer to help forge this path.

As a result, you may find there are not yet a lot of road signs where you are traveling or obvious pointers as to which way to go at any given point. You may feel totally alone on the path. Unidentified crossroads may confuse you; apparent dead ends may cause you to doubt yourself. You may have to backtrack and choose a different unknown road to take, often to another unknown destination. It’s no wonder you can feel lost for a while until you find your bearings again.

Trust is the Only Option

There are times when your only option is to make the leap into total trust — trust of the Universe, Source, Higher Self — whatever you want to call the guidance you find within you. Outer sources of information — opinions of friends and family, or experts you find — just don’t cut it anymore.

Nor do the thoughts your rational mind is generating based on information you’ve received from the outside. Your mind only knows how to fruitlessly spin its wheels when trying to understand things that are beyond its capabilities.

What you hear from these sources may have worked in the past when you were still functioning fully within third-dimensional consciousness. But you’re now in unknown higher-dimensional territory, and your guidance at this point has to come from within you.

Trusting the messages from this inner source requires a trust you may have never had to develop before. In the past, it was relatively easy to determine how to survive — physically, financially, and emotionally. You could figure out how to get the things you needed and the emotional support you craved from people and circumstances around you.

But now, you may have come to realize that this strategy doesn’t work very well anymore. And, if you’re really self-aware, you may also see how trying to continue living in this way keeps you in a low-level state of anxiety, especially if you come to realize in the end that you have very little control over many outer conditions.

Shifting Toward the Fifth Dimension

As you move toward fifth-dimensional consciousness, you will find you need to let go of this limited strategy. If you are strongly attached to believing that things and people outside of you are responsible for your sense of safety, survival and happiness, you will probably be given the opportunity to find out that they are not. Many of these outer supports may disappear (either temporarily or permanently) to show you this.

If, for example, you lose your job, your life savings, your health, or an important relationship — know that this learning dynamic may be what’s operating. Instead of panicking, see if you can drop inside yourself and align with a trust that you will find the means of survival and stability in other ways — perhaps in ways that will bring you an even greater sense of joy, security and freedom.

Stay in the Present Moment

Remember: if you can stay in the present moment and not be panicked about what may happen in the future, you can usually find you are really okay right now. You have all the essential things you need to be reasonably comfortable and at peace.

And think about it: you really never know what’s around the corner up ahead of you — especially these days. Something very surprising can appear that will help you handle the hurdle you see in the future, something that will “save” you. If you reflect for a moment, you have probably had little miracles like this occur for you in the past. There are so many things that can happen out of the blue that you have no idea about.

Expect miracles, truly expect them — and they will happen. The higher fourth-dimensional energies now flooding the planet can create them for you with ease.

Surrender to What-Is

Still, it’s true — expecting miracles and looking within yourself for your security may be difficult at those times when you’re in great fear. If all familiar supports are falling away, and who you’ve known yourself to be seems to be disappearing, it can feel terrifying.

What you need to do at such times is to simply surrender to what-is in the moment — fully accept all of the situation, along with all your emotional reactions to it, as your reality at the present moment — without judgment, struggle, or grasping. Allow yourself to let go and just be with yourself with all of it, while consciously loving yourself with compassion. But don’t fall into your misery or wallow in it. Stay conscious and be fully with yourself, choosing to surrender to what feels beyond you to fix — and trust that a higher YOU will step in to resolve the situation.

Discover the Real YOU

If you look closely, you will realize that the disappearing parts of yourself are just parts of your personality self that are leaving. You discover that there’s a Higher YOU inside that never changes. It’s the YOU that was the same when you were 3 years old, 15 and 35 years old. It is, and always has been, the YOU that is real.

It is also the one that has always been leading you through life, whether you’ve been aware of it or not. In these current experiences of deep insecurity and loss of connection to outer supports, know that you are being called to trust this Higher YOU — your Higher Self.

See if you can trust that it knows exactly what it’s doing in bringing about changes in your life, including losses that initially seem painful. Know that the things you are losing are likely essential for you to lose so as to prepare you for entering the Fifth Dimension.

Trust Turns into Knowing

In fifth-dimensional consciousness, there is no reliance on anything in the outer world for a sense of safety or survival. There is only reliance on trust — trust that life will bring you absolutely everything you need, when you need it. And you find that this happens over and over again. Eventually this trust is replaced by a secure knowing, a certainty based on your own experience in seeing that you are always taken care of.

But until that knowing fully develops, trust is what you need to rely on. Trust that you are being guided and taken care of with the utmost compassion and wisdom. And, with trust as your guide, you will find synchronicities blooming all around you; little miracles will become commonplace in your life. And the more you live from this place of trust, the stronger your trust will become.

You’ll see that there is nothing outside in the world that is permanent or totally dependable for your safety or survival. But with the trust you have inside, it won’t matter. You’ll have everything you need.

Learning to live fully from a place of trust is not always easy. But the relaxation and freedom from fear you experience when you begin to achieve this are monumental and will change your entire experience of life.

 

~via VidyaFrazier.com

CONSCIOUS REMINDER: “Leave The Past In The Past, And Start Living In The Now”

A lot of people are living proof of how they can be captured in the claws of the past. Signs which show that you are living in the past are many, but you need to be strong enough to recognize them.

Here are actions you should use in order to live in the present.

1. Don’t escape the moment

Life is a battle, trying not to face with the reality will cause you bigger problems. Facing the fear will hell you to overcome it. After dealing with every issue, you will be stronger as a person, and you will appreciate every minute spent in the present.

2. Embrace your pain

Everything that life serves to us, is served with a reason. You should embrace that and move on. Pain and suffrage are part of life, and we cannot avoid them. They makes us stronger, and enrich us with experience.

3. Ground yourself

No matter what your problem is, you need to stay grounded. In order to achieve this you can go outside, put your arms on tree, focus, and feel the object, analyze what you are hearing and feeling. You are here now, and there is no other place that you need to be.

4. Project a better future

What you are surviving now, will make you a stronger and smarter person. You deserve a better future, so with new experiences you are capable enough, to reconstruct your project for your future. Don’t be anxious, make your dreams become reality.

5. Remember what didn’t go wrong

Experience is the best thing that you can get from your past. Learn from the mistakes, and try not to copy them in the present. Think before you act, and you will build your life as if it was an empire.

6. Welcome new joys

You need to get free from the claws of the past, and let happiness to enter in your soul. You should give yourself another chance, and move on with your life. Live your life fully, for yourself and for the people around you.

7. Make necessary changes

Changes will make you to stay in present, not to lose yourself, and to stay focused. Eliminate the fear from new things, change your job, your home, meet new friends. Break the monotony down.

Once you do this, you will see how all of the pieces in your life are getting into their place. And it is really satisfying to watch, believe me.

 

~via ConsciousReminder.com

ARIA BELLA: “Why You Need Meditation”

“The birds chattering, the distant sound of cars. Feeling the sun or breeze on my face, really helping to anchor me in my body as I take in those sensations. Not only does it bring your stress levels down, it allows your body to go into its optimum level for relaxation and healing.”

~Aria Bella

 

Meditation is good for the soul, for the whole body and your mind.  Go indulge today!

If you want an all-out activity that is going to soothe every single part of you and your senses — go meditate!!  It doesn’t have to be long, hard or full on.  Meditation comes in all shapes and sizes — you just have to find the ones that fit.

A really easy meditation to do is mindfulness — this can be done anywhere — making dinner, washing the dishes, hanging the clothes out.  All it asks you to do is be fully present in the moment, focusing on what you are doing, listening to the sounds around you and just being in that moment.

If you struggle with mind chatter, then guided meditation or ones where you need to chant may work for you as it helps to keep those natters to the background.  I personally love going outside and focussing on the sounds around me.

The birds chattering, the distant sound of cars.  Feeling the sun or breeze on my face, really helping to anchor me in my body as I take in those sensations.  Not only does it bring your stress levels down, it allows your body to go into its optimum level for relaxation and healing.  It gives your mind permission to take a break — although your mind will still have thoughts, so do not think you are doing it wrong just because it is still carrying on, it is its job.

Just allow them to flow without focussing on them. It brings your soul to the fore as well.  So it is really the best all round exercise that you can possibly do for your wellbeing.  Even if you think you are not a meditator — and my hand is up on this one.  Keep at it and give yourself a few minutes every day, increasing if you can to get some of that deep AH into your day.

Your heart, body, soul and mind will thank you!

“I allow myself to meditate for the best of me”

Till next time… keep walking your spiritual path xx

 

 

~via Aria-Bella Rises @ YellowWolfEnlightenment.wordpress.com