JEAN M. TWENGE, PhD: “Is Donald Trump Actually Insecure Underneath?”

I’m often asked how you can spot a narcissist. Here’s my standard list:

  • Brag or show off
  • Name-dropping
  • Name brands or flashy possessions
  • Look at themselves in the mirror a lot
  • Turn the conversation back to him/herself
  • Insults others
  • Declarations about being the “best” or “great” without details
  • Emphasizes his/her status

I wrote that list two years ago — long before Donald Trump started running for president. Yet it could have been written just for him. As others have pointed out, the Donald is a textbook case of narcissistic personality. He is clearly functioning well and thus can’t be classified as having narcissistic personality disorder, the clinical-level form, which by definition only describes someone whose traits are causing them difficulty. Trump, instead, displays narcissism as a personality trait — the type we focus on in The Narcissism Epidemic.

Here’s the question: Is Trump’s narcissism a cover for insecurity? This is known as the “mask model” — the idea that grandiose narcissism is a show to distract people from the deep psychic pain underneath. A recent piece in Time made this claim, arguing that Trump is trying to cover for a “profound insecurity and lack of self-esteem.”

Here’s the problem: At least for grandiose narcissism like Trump’s, there’s no evidence that the mask model is true. Narcissists have high self-esteem on average, not low, and the most aggressive people are those with both high narcissism and high self-esteem. Children who become narcissistic are not those shamed by their parents, but those told they are special.

Perhaps the best evidence comes from studies measuring self-esteem in a subtle way, such as with an implicit self-esteem measure recording people’s reaction time in pairing words like “I” and “me” with words like “bad” and “good.” People who score high on grandiose narcissism also score high on implicit self-esteem. In other words, deep down inside, narcissists think they are awesome.

This is also just plain common sense: Does Trump really seem like he is insecure underneath? Does he seem to be in a state of psychic pain, or even covering for one? No — he’s having the time of his life. So why does he seem to crave all of the attention and adulation? The Time article argues that Trump is trying to fill a deep “psychic hole.”

I have a more straightforward explanation: He likes all of the attention because he thinks he deserves it. It’s never enough not because of psychic pain, but because he thinks everyone should pay attention to him. Attention is fun and gratifying; it has nothing to do with insecurity.

Why the Mask Model of Narcissism Is Dangerous

I will go further: I think it’s dangerous to believe that narcissists are insecure underneath. Not only is it not supported by empirical evidence, but it promotes the idea that the way to deal with narcissists is to boost their self-esteem and heal their “wounds” through more love and affection. This is like suggesting that the way to cure obesity is by giving everyone more doughnuts. The narcissistic person who ruins relationships through his self-centeredness does not need more love or attention — he needs to get kicked to the curb. The young adult who takes advantage of everyone around her does not need her self-esteem boosted — she needs to learn responsibility.

Narcissism is known as the “disease that hurts other people,” and the cure for it is real life — losing a relationship because of selfishness, losing a job because you’ve alienated people. Yes, we should try to understand narcissists and realize that their behavior is explained by this personality trait. But that does not mean we should believe that they are actually insecure — that myth undermines our understanding of narcissism because it presumes that it’s only skin-deep.

Many, many people have been hurt in relationships with narcissists by believing that they can change the person with more love. If only that were true — but sadly, most of the time, it’s not. We can have empathy for people with narcissistic traits, but that does not mean we have to believe they are suffering underneath. Most of the time, they are making other people suffer. They won’t suffer themselves until bad things start happening to them, often as a consequence of their narcissism. It is sad, but it is not due to insecurity.

Trump is not insecure. We should not be looking for the source of his “psychic pain” or expect that someday he will break down and show his true, doubting self. He really does think that he’s that great, and that his ideas are that great. If we believe otherwise — about him or anyone else with these traits — we risk underestimating the true power of the narcissist.

 

~via PsychologyToday.com

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LIVE BOLD & BLOOM: “What Is Your Personality Type?”

It was no surprise to see I’m an ‘Idealist’… 🐬

“Knowing your personality type helps you understand yourself, your interests, your motivations, and your relationships. Although your personality type doesn’t completely define who you are, it helps you have much more awareness about yourself and gives you tools for making important decisions in your life.”

~Barrie Davenport @ Live Bold & Bloom

 

Take the quiz here:

https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/self-improvement/quiz-what-is-your-personality-type

 

~via LiveBoldAndBloom.com

NIKKI SAPP: “How To Be Confident While Remaining Humble”

“There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance… it’s called humility. Confidence smiles, arrogance smirks.”

~Unknown

 

Somewhere along the line what we recognized as confidence may have been misconstrued a little. We started associating traits like aggressive, loud, opinionated and arrogant with being a confident person. You’ve probably seen the type, or maybe you are the type.

They know FOR SURE that what they believe is the unequivocal truth. Therefore they need to tell everyone about it… constantly.

When they aren’t able to convince someone to believe exactly as they believe they may be caught calling others, “asleep” or a “sheep” or any other plethora of derogatory names that I probably can’t mention here. We also may have misconstrued what it means to be humble a little bit too. Being Humble is associated with weak, shy, meek, and someone who cowers to others.

Someone who is so unsure of themselves or their beliefs that they keep them to themselves and are too insecure to tell everyone they meet their opinion on everything. Is there a way to be both? Can a confident person also be a humble person? In order to answer that question we must dissect what it means to be truly confident, and how does “artificial confidence” come about.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her”

~Lao Tzu

 

There are many reasons a person may develop artificial/arrogant confidence. One may be cognitive dissonance, which means they may be holding on to a belief so tightly that when evidence is presented that contradicts this belief they may be completely unwilling to look at the new evidence. They may have become so attached to this belief that it has become a part of their sense of self.

Since they are completely attached to who they think they are it may be a painful experience for them to open their mind up and see things from a different perspective. The actual energy behind holding on to a belief so tightly that you are unwilling to let it go is fear.

The human ego is always afraid to be found out, so to speak, therefore, any threat of someone or something coming along and debunking one of its belief attachments may bring about a negative emotional reaction such as anger. Anytime anger is involved we can be assured that fear is the culprit behind it.

Genuine confidence doesn’t need to get angry because there is no part that fears being wrong or that others aren’t believing them. Another reason a person may develop artificial confidence is because they are insecure.

An insecure person may not truly believe in their theory or themselves so they feel if they can convince others that they are absolutely the right one they can at the same time convince themselves.

This is often done in an aggressive manner, because they are attached to the outcome of people believing them. Again, the fear behind not achieving the outcome they desire is causing them to act in a rude or aggressive manner. Genuine confidence can remain quiet, kind and humble because there is no underlying fear that needs other people to believe exactly what they are saying.

Genuine confidence is humble. It kind of realizes that most people are operating from their own level of understanding and trying to convince them that they are “stupid” or “wrong” usually won’t work anyway. The humble part of them realizes that LIVING and BEING their truth is always more effective than incessant talking or convincing ever will be.

Also, humble confidence isn’t attached to being right. In fact, it happily welcomes new ideas and beliefs because it knows that only when it opens itself up to seeing things from all perspectives is it able to perhaps learn something new.

“The time which people spend in convincing others, even half of this time if they spend on themselves, they can achieve a lot in life.”

~Arvind Katoch

 

In order to maintain humble confidence about our beliefs we must do two things. One is question ourselves….constantly. You may ask yourself, “Do I know absolutely without a doubt that this belief is true?” Meaning, “Did I see it with my own eyes”- normally the answer to this will be no.

So not to say that you won’t have some beliefs about things that involve situations that you weren’t physically there, but it just means that you always maintain a healthy sense of doubt about your beliefs.

This doesn’t mean that you’re unsure of yourself, it means you are wise, because it means you are open to hearing new evidence. Or you can ask yourself, “Is it possible that I am so attached to this belief that it has become a part of who I think I am?” Or even, “Does it matter if the person I am telling about my belief believes me or not? In this present moment does the fact that they are convinced or not convinced change anything in this exact moment in time?”

“Confidence is silent.

Insecurity is loud.”

~Unknown

 

You may find that most of the time, the answer to that is “no.” The other thing a person can do in order to remain humbly confident in their beliefs is to realize that every person they come in contact with can only understand things from their own level of understanding. Which means they are only operating from their own personal programming which may or may not be completely different than yours.

So yes, there may be times when you tell someone something and you enlighten them to something that they hadn’t thought of before but there will also be times where any effort to convince will fall on deaf ears.

When you are unattached to the outcome, you will be fine with either without getting frustrated or angered. Once we realize that our “truth” may not be someone else’s “truth” we can completely relax into interpersonal relationships and take every interaction with a human being as a potential learning experience, which will allow us to always be learning and growing as a person.

 

~via FractalEnlightenment.com

THE MINDS JOURNAL: “10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness”

One form of love, which is considered the most frequent, is, unfortunately, toxic love. This love appears as a result of insecurity or fear, and it does not do favors to anyone.

Our environment will become even more toxic when we get attached more and more to those people that are wrong for us. Toxic people have the ability to drain us of our happiness, regardless of the fact if we allow that or not. These people build their toxic relationships on an unstable foundation.

Here, we will present you some sign which indicated that you might be in such a relationship, or signs which suggest that you are with a toxic partner. You will definitely need a change when you notice these signs because toxic people and relationships cannot be suitable for every one of us.

10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness

 

1. You are not a priority.

Sorry about this, but when you are not your partner’s priority now, you will never be. He or she has to hold you on the identical standard they hold themselves. Refusing to do that will be a sign that you have to move on, as you deserve a lot more.

2. They’re always blaming you for their mistakes.

The mistakes they made cannot be yours; they have to be prepared for everything they say or do. You should never be blamed for their own mistakes. Toxic people are obsessed with the idea of bringing other people down, especially those that they are closest with.

3. They have serious double principles and standards.

These people believe that they can do everything, while their partners are not allowed to do those same things. For example, you would like to go outside and spend some time together with friends, and in the same time, your partner is also with his friends; however, they will refuse that right when you ask them. Remember that they see you just as their property and not as their loved one.

4. They don’t like your loved ones.

Usually, toxic people will not really like the ones that really matter to you. They will not like that idea as those that care about you will normally see their true self. In fact, toxic people hate this, so they are going to try hard in order to keep you far from your loved ones.

5. They disrespect your boundaries.

Toxic people will never respect your limits, and they are always going to do something or force you into certain things which you wouldn’t like to do. As a result of this, you will find yourself in uncomfortable situations, which are not supposed to happen.

6. They always make you feel sad.

They seem like they try their best in order to bring those that love them down. Toxic people will not support those around them, but they will tear those people apart. For example, when you are happy about something, they are going to everything in order to ruin your happiness. This pleases them after all.

7. They tend to lie to you a lot.

So, for some unknown reasons, toxic people feel good when they lie. So, they are going to lie you about something that is insignificant and goes too far in order to reach their goal, which is making you feel terrible. Remember that you cannot trust someone you love although you would like to do it with your whole heart.

8. They won’t give you a space for yourself.

Toxic people never allow their partners to have their personal space. For example, having your personal space means having time to reflect and think, and thinking well may make you come to the decision of leaving your partner. These people love crossing boundaries, so when you do something without their permission, they will be furious.

9. They attempt to control you.

These people adore controlling you, and not only you but every single thing in life. This type of control means the ultimate superpower for them. Just said, they would like to have the ability to control you and make you do what they want you to do. They are going to cut ties when they see that they are not able to control you.

10. They don’t care about your necessities.

These people are never going to listen to you or care about your own necessities. They are selfish people, so they don’t want to worry about you or about everything you need. They practice only self-care, although you may be in a relationship for a long time.

 

~via TheMindsJournal.com

JULIE ALEXANDER: “5 Types of People — The Truth Seekers, Brainwashed, Misguided, Power Hungry, and The Ones Who Sold Their Souls”

1. The Ones Who Seek The Truth

There are people who are awake, they know what’s going on in the world, and they have woken up and seen the truth. They have done the research and used their knowledge to help others.

They are trying to wake other’s up, some have dedicated their whole lives to this endeavour while others do whatever they can to spread the message far and wide.

Usually these people are isolated, waking up alone all over the world, unable to talk to family and friends about what they have learned.

They have tried talking about it to people but they meet with deep-rooted opposition, so they try other methods whatever works for them. They are brave and courageous human beings.

Many more people are waking up each day and joining them.

2. The Misguided Ones

There are people who are still asleep, they do not think anything is wrong in the world, they trust their governments to a certain degree.

They see awful things happening in the world but they tend to believe whatever the mainstream media tells them.

They are so busy surviving, bringing up children, working all day long, they are too tired to try and dig deeper and they rarely have the spare time anyway.

They vaccinate their children, feed them with GMO’s, drink the fluoridated water and believe chemtrails are normal and that 5G is a good thing.

They just cannot see what is going on around them. They trust the system, it may have flaws but somehow they still believe in it.

Sometimes they can see the truth in a situation, but they cannot connect the dots and see the full picture.

These people need our help and support, one day they may wake up.

We were all like this once.

3. The Brainwashed Ones

There are people who are supporting the dark side but they are totally unaware of what they are doing. They join the freemasons thinking they are helping people when ultimately they are supporting the dark side.

There are people in the health services who believe they are helping us by vaccinating us with, mercury, aluminium and aborted fetuses. They are also administering drugs that haven’t been tested properly.

There are people in positions of power who truly believe in what they are doing but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Somehow they have been manipulated without even realising it.

These people have been brainwashed by the system, they have no evil intent, they truly believe in what they are doing.

They also need our help.

4. The Ones Who Sold Their Souls

There are normal people who have been seduced by the darkness, one way or another they have gone over to the dark side. Some have been blackmailed into it, some have been given fame and fortune and some have been given great power.

They have sold their souls to the dark side. They follow the satanic path.

They go to parties where children are used for sex, they have their own little sex slaves at home, they have lost their humanity, their empathy.

Somehow they put on a nice, normal persona out into the public arena, but inside they have chosen evil over goodness.

Their reward is fame and fortune; they are loved by many, if the truth were known this would change in a heartbeat. They have chosen fame and fortune over love for their fellow man and woman.

They were not born this way, they chose this way of life. If you are one of these people, consider your position, we are waking up en masse, we are finding out about you each and every day. We see you as you really are, not how you would want us to see you.

Leave the darkness behind and come back to the light. Join humanity in our fight against evil.

Anyone who knows about all this and has not succumbed, please come forward and reveal the truth. Help your fellow man and woman in our hour of need.

5. The Power Hungry Ones

There are people who have taken over our world, they have been working towards ultimate control their whole lives as were their ancestors. The goal of total power over humanity has been passed down from generation to generation. They see us as useless eaters.

Unfortunately they are trying to cull us to a more manageable level, in whatever way they can.

They have been born into this way of life. They believe in human sacrifice, pedophilia, and cannibalism, they follow a satanic path. They have grown up with it.

They have no empathy or compassion.

They live lives totally different from the rest of us. They believe they can do whatever they want and they do.

They have gathered wealth beyond comprehension and used it to further their evil plans.

They want humanity to suffer, they want us in a total state of fear and anxiety all the time, we are easier to control this way.

They are so evil they have attracted negative interdimensional entities into our world causing even more pain and suffering.

Up until this point, generally their plans have gone unnoticed. They nearly succeeded, until we started waking up.

Some people born into this way of life have managed to see the truth and left it all behind.

Conclusion

The truth seekers need to spread the truth whatever way they can. Try to spread love, peace and harmony around the world. We can get through this.

The misguided ones need our help and understanding.

The brainwashed ones also need our help to see the truth.

The ones who sold their souls, need to know that we can now see what they are doing and have done, the fat lady is about to sing.

The power-hungry ones need to accept that they have lost their power, too many of us are awake and we do not want to live this way anymore, their time has come and gone.

The one thing in this life we can be sure about is change, nothing stays the same.

Things have changed. It’s now our time.

 

~via HumansAreFree.com