JEAN M. TWENGE, PhD: “Is Donald Trump Actually Insecure Underneath?”

I’m often asked how you can spot a narcissist. Here’s my standard list:

  • Brag or show off
  • Name-dropping
  • Name brands or flashy possessions
  • Look at themselves in the mirror a lot
  • Turn the conversation back to him/herself
  • Insults others
  • Declarations about being the “best” or “great” without details
  • Emphasizes his/her status

I wrote that list two years ago — long before Donald Trump started running for president. Yet it could have been written just for him. As others have pointed out, the Donald is a textbook case of narcissistic personality. He is clearly functioning well and thus can’t be classified as having narcissistic personality disorder, the clinical-level form, which by definition only describes someone whose traits are causing them difficulty. Trump, instead, displays narcissism as a personality trait — the type we focus on in The Narcissism Epidemic.

Here’s the question: Is Trump’s narcissism a cover for insecurity? This is known as the “mask model” — the idea that grandiose narcissism is a show to distract people from the deep psychic pain underneath. A recent piece in Time made this claim, arguing that Trump is trying to cover for a “profound insecurity and lack of self-esteem.”

Here’s the problem: At least for grandiose narcissism like Trump’s, there’s no evidence that the mask model is true. Narcissists have high self-esteem on average, not low, and the most aggressive people are those with both high narcissism and high self-esteem. Children who become narcissistic are not those shamed by their parents, but those told they are special.

Perhaps the best evidence comes from studies measuring self-esteem in a subtle way, such as with an implicit self-esteem measure recording people’s reaction time in pairing words like “I” and “me” with words like “bad” and “good.” People who score high on grandiose narcissism also score high on implicit self-esteem. In other words, deep down inside, narcissists think they are awesome.

This is also just plain common sense: Does Trump really seem like he is insecure underneath? Does he seem to be in a state of psychic pain, or even covering for one? No — he’s having the time of his life. So why does he seem to crave all of the attention and adulation? The Time article argues that Trump is trying to fill a deep “psychic hole.”

I have a more straightforward explanation: He likes all of the attention because he thinks he deserves it. It’s never enough not because of psychic pain, but because he thinks everyone should pay attention to him. Attention is fun and gratifying; it has nothing to do with insecurity.

Why the Mask Model of Narcissism Is Dangerous

I will go further: I think it’s dangerous to believe that narcissists are insecure underneath. Not only is it not supported by empirical evidence, but it promotes the idea that the way to deal with narcissists is to boost their self-esteem and heal their “wounds” through more love and affection. This is like suggesting that the way to cure obesity is by giving everyone more doughnuts. The narcissistic person who ruins relationships through his self-centeredness does not need more love or attention — he needs to get kicked to the curb. The young adult who takes advantage of everyone around her does not need her self-esteem boosted — she needs to learn responsibility.

Narcissism is known as the “disease that hurts other people,” and the cure for it is real life — losing a relationship because of selfishness, losing a job because you’ve alienated people. Yes, we should try to understand narcissists and realize that their behavior is explained by this personality trait. But that does not mean we should believe that they are actually insecure — that myth undermines our understanding of narcissism because it presumes that it’s only skin-deep.

Many, many people have been hurt in relationships with narcissists by believing that they can change the person with more love. If only that were true — but sadly, most of the time, it’s not. We can have empathy for people with narcissistic traits, but that does not mean we have to believe they are suffering underneath. Most of the time, they are making other people suffer. They won’t suffer themselves until bad things start happening to them, often as a consequence of their narcissism. It is sad, but it is not due to insecurity.

Trump is not insecure. We should not be looking for the source of his “psychic pain” or expect that someday he will break down and show his true, doubting self. He really does think that he’s that great, and that his ideas are that great. If we believe otherwise — about him or anyone else with these traits — we risk underestimating the true power of the narcissist.

 

~via PsychologyToday.com

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LIVE BOLD & BLOOM: “What Is Your Personality Type?”

It was no surprise to see I’m an ‘Idealist’… 🐬

“Knowing your personality type helps you understand yourself, your interests, your motivations, and your relationships. Although your personality type doesn’t completely define who you are, it helps you have much more awareness about yourself and gives you tools for making important decisions in your life.”

~Barrie Davenport @ Live Bold & Bloom

 

Take the quiz here:

https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/self-improvement/quiz-what-is-your-personality-type

 

~via LiveBoldAndBloom.com

THE MINDS JOURNAL: “10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness”

One form of love, which is considered the most frequent, is, unfortunately, toxic love. This love appears as a result of insecurity or fear, and it does not do favors to anyone.

Our environment will become even more toxic when we get attached more and more to those people that are wrong for us. Toxic people have the ability to drain us of our happiness, regardless of the fact if we allow that or not. These people build their toxic relationships on an unstable foundation.

Here, we will present you some sign which indicated that you might be in such a relationship, or signs which suggest that you are with a toxic partner. You will definitely need a change when you notice these signs because toxic people and relationships cannot be suitable for every one of us.

10 Signs You Have A Toxic Partner Who Will Try To Take Away Your Happiness

 

1. You are not a priority.

Sorry about this, but when you are not your partner’s priority now, you will never be. He or she has to hold you on the identical standard they hold themselves. Refusing to do that will be a sign that you have to move on, as you deserve a lot more.

2. They’re always blaming you for their mistakes.

The mistakes they made cannot be yours; they have to be prepared for everything they say or do. You should never be blamed for their own mistakes. Toxic people are obsessed with the idea of bringing other people down, especially those that they are closest with.

3. They have serious double principles and standards.

These people believe that they can do everything, while their partners are not allowed to do those same things. For example, you would like to go outside and spend some time together with friends, and in the same time, your partner is also with his friends; however, they will refuse that right when you ask them. Remember that they see you just as their property and not as their loved one.

4. They don’t like your loved ones.

Usually, toxic people will not really like the ones that really matter to you. They will not like that idea as those that care about you will normally see their true self. In fact, toxic people hate this, so they are going to try hard in order to keep you far from your loved ones.

5. They disrespect your boundaries.

Toxic people will never respect your limits, and they are always going to do something or force you into certain things which you wouldn’t like to do. As a result of this, you will find yourself in uncomfortable situations, which are not supposed to happen.

6. They always make you feel sad.

They seem like they try their best in order to bring those that love them down. Toxic people will not support those around them, but they will tear those people apart. For example, when you are happy about something, they are going to everything in order to ruin your happiness. This pleases them after all.

7. They tend to lie to you a lot.

So, for some unknown reasons, toxic people feel good when they lie. So, they are going to lie you about something that is insignificant and goes too far in order to reach their goal, which is making you feel terrible. Remember that you cannot trust someone you love although you would like to do it with your whole heart.

8. They won’t give you a space for yourself.

Toxic people never allow their partners to have their personal space. For example, having your personal space means having time to reflect and think, and thinking well may make you come to the decision of leaving your partner. These people love crossing boundaries, so when you do something without their permission, they will be furious.

9. They attempt to control you.

These people adore controlling you, and not only you but every single thing in life. This type of control means the ultimate superpower for them. Just said, they would like to have the ability to control you and make you do what they want you to do. They are going to cut ties when they see that they are not able to control you.

10. They don’t care about your necessities.

These people are never going to listen to you or care about your own necessities. They are selfish people, so they don’t want to worry about you or about everything you need. They practice only self-care, although you may be in a relationship for a long time.

 

~via TheMindsJournal.com

EDEN SKY: “What’s Your Cosmic Identity? Find Out With The Cosmic Decoder”

Ascension Avatar note: Several years ago during a film shoot break I was approached by a woman who asked if I knew my “galactic signature”… I laughed and gave her a clueless look… she then asked my birthdate, did some calculations on a Post-It pad, peeled away the paper and handed it to me… I still have that paper today, 10 years later… it reads simply: “Blue Crystal Hand”… 🙏

.  .  .

Every day and every person has a Galactic Signature. There are 260 unique possibilities!

Each signature is a combination of a “Tribe” and a “Tone.” The energy on the day you were born is known as your personal Galactic Signature and serves as a key to your Cosmic Identity.

Decode yourself and people in your life, to see what synchronicities are revealed! Decoding significant dates in your life (past or future) is also a profound way to gain insight into the larger synchronic order of your life’s journey…

 

Birthdate Decoder:

http://www.13moon.com/decoder.php

The 20 Tribes of the Galactic Calendar:

http://www.13moon.com/20tribes.htm#7

The 13 Tones of the Galactic Calendar:

http://www.13moon.com/13tones.htm#12

 

NEZEL PADAYHAG: “9 Major Signs That Tell You’re An Indigo Adult”

People who are called for spiritual purposes share almost the same traits.

Yet it’s important that you know what your specific calling is so that it’s easier for you to respond to the call and develop the gifts that you bring but are unaware of.

Indigos have gifts of empathy, precognition, or even emotional healing. They are born with these gifts because the world needs the wisdom they have that can bring a ray of light in this dimming world. Here are the major signs that tell you are an indigo adult.

9 Major Signs You’re An Indigo Adult:

1. You are extremely curious.

You keep asking for the why of things, especially the troubles that are happening around you. You want to know why there is poverty, hatred, conflicts, and disparity.

You don’t accept that there will be a gap between things that’s why you are questioning everything just to connect the dots.

2. You can’t conform to conventional systems.

Indigos don’t feel comfortable with authority. You don’t like to follow rules and regulations because they’re self limiting.

You understand that people shouldn’t be controlled by others who love to exercise authority over them.

Once in your life, you may have been accused of being rebellious despite the purity of your intentions.

You don’t intend to initiate agitation, you just see the loopholes in the system and want to correct it the way you see fit.

Creating new organizations to achieve your cause is your way of spreading awareness to the masses.

3. You can feel the sufferings of others.

As an indigo adult, you’re an empath to the core. You can’t bear seeing the pains and sufferings of others. Because of this, you avoid situations where you feel helpless because you know you can’t do anything to help out.

It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just that you feel emotionally drained when exposed to these situations.

And you just can’t take it when you see no steps are being taken to help the innocent and the helpless.

4. You are deeply connected to animals and nature.

You find yourself in harmony with nature and spending time with it is your way of grounding yourself.

You also love animals and may even go your way to rescue them, protect them, and even fight for their rights.

It’s because you believe that every creature should be treated equally and has to live with dignity.

This is how valuable life is to you.

5. You have episodes of depression.

Depression comes as no surprise to indigo adults considering the ugliness and injustices the world is going through.

As early as in your adolescent years, depression gets in your nerves since you still don’t understand what’s going on outside and inside of you.

Because you can’t relate to how others go after money and power, you find difficulty in fitting in with the world.

You might think there is something wrong with you or that you cannot fit into society. You might think society is wrong.

But as soon as you find your unique life purpose, you rise above these issues and pave the way for others to see the essentials of life.

6. You are drawn to spiritual teachings.

Even though you may not have been raised in a religious environment, you are spiritually inclined.

Or, if your family is religious, you follow your own spiritual inclinations. You are drawn towards spiritual teachings from enlightened people from all around the world.

Your spirituality is deeply rooted that you are spiritual mature beyond your years. People can’t help but notice.

7. You strongly know your life has a purpose.

While others strive for success in their professional careers, you strive for a life that has purpose and meaning.

You know you have a mission to fulfill and you’re busy seeking the ways and means in fulfilling it.

This path isn’t easy, though, because you don’t know how or where to look for support. But this doesn’t stop you from making this world a better place.

8. You encounter synchronicities very often.

Once you start in this journey, help will come along the way. The Universe will see to it that you’re able to do what your soul has set out to do.

To let you know you are on the right path, you will encounter many synchronicities very often, maybe even daily.

Your subconscious mind will help you see clues and hints telling you whether or not you are on the right path.

Because you can perceive things on a much different light, beyond the illusion of reality, you will notice these signs much more than any other regular human.

9. You have urges to create.

You are inspired by many things. Inspiration comes to you really often and it urges you to create something.

You have tendency towards art and music. Your artistic side is always pushing you to do something and express your inner world.

It might be writing, playing an instrument, painting or even singing, but whatever it is you are urged to create something, to produce.

If the above hints speak clearly to you, then you’re an indigo adult. Embrace your unique calling and start following the path designed solely for you. It’s okay to feel afraid or clueless. The internet is filled with the help that the indigos need.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com