BARBARA BUCK: “Hiding The Wounded Healer”

Suffering can appear in our lives with little warning. It startles us out of complacency. One day we are swimming with the tide, just breezing through life, then wham! Disease and discord hit us when we aren’t looking. Suddenly our nice dip in the ocean becomes a terrifying race from the sharks that we had no idea were right below the surface.

Hardship in whatever form it manifests, can cause us to lose faith that life is on our side. It can render us incapable of trusting the ebb and flow of reality as we understand it.

When I was diagnosed with a chronic disease, I was utterly blindsided. I am a healing practitioner, so in the beginning stages of being sick I had faith that I would be more than capable of handling the issue and moving on with my life. I had multiple tools to help me.

I did all the work, taking a mind/body/spirit approach to the disease, but instead of getting better, I got worse. I did everything that I knew how to do as a healing practitioner, but all my knowledge was useless in the face of my wretched suffering.

I stopped trusting the process and began to believe that I must have done something horribly wrong to deserve the physical and emotional trauma that I was experiencing.

To top it all off, I had a belief that no one would want to see a healer with a chronic disease. How could anyone put their faith in me to help them, if I couldn’t even heal myself? A sick healer is a paradox.

I spent a good deal of time stoically putting on my best game face while seeking help from other practitioners behind closed doors. Everyone that I knew had plenty of advice to give me, from why I got sick to what might help me get better.

Conventional medicine, naturopaths, homeopaths, nutritionists, spiritual counselors, acupuncturists, biofeedback therapists, energy healers of all different types; you name it, I tried it. I stopped trusting the healthcare industry to give me answers, but the worst part about it all is that I stopped trusting my ability to help myself.

Suffering makes us feel weak, and in that weakness we become vulnerable. It’s a terrifying experience to recognize that no matter what we’ve been taught to believe, there are some things we don’t have control over. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to step into our vulnerability, we can feel like victims, victims to our bodies, our thoughts, our creative process that’s gone awry, to God, to the Universe, to genetics.

I have vacillated back and forth between all of these things. I blamed my ancestors, the environment, but mostly I held myself accountable for this disease. I have a firmly held belief that I am a co-creator of my reality, so clearly I must have made this happen.

I played the self-blame game very well. I decided that I can’t be trusted to care for myself when I am in this open, susceptible state. The Universe can’t be trusted either because it certainly didn’t have my back and stop me from creating this horrible mistake.

It didn’t even give me fair warning.

When we are raw and wounded, the first thing we throw out of the window is usually trust. The most natural reaction to our loss of faith is to wrap ourselves in a protective shell because we are afraid of what might come next. The world no longer feels safe.

When we become ill, whether it’s emotionally, spiritually, or physically, we tend to try to keep the world at a comfortable distance. Instead of stepping into our vulnerability, we hide it under the guise of courage and dignity.

Society rewards stoicism with praise. If we see a cancer patient, we say “Isn’t she brave? She never complains about the pain she’s in. She just keeps fighting. It’s amazing!” Very rarely do we acknowledge it when someone courageously embraces their vulnerability by taking a step into the darkness of their condition and seeing what gifts lie within the murky depths.

When we voice our fears or expose our vulnerability, it can frighten our loved ones. It makes people uncomfortable when they can see our wounds. It makes them remember their mortality and their own ability to suffer.

We often respond to this behavior by hiding behind a courageous mask, when the truth is that it makes us feel guilt, anger, and shame.

It’s time for us as healers to take that mask off. It is impossible to heal if we don’t allow the shadows of our creation to surface for healing, or try to hide them. Ignoring them is no longer an option.

 

Barbara Buck is a Foundational Reconnective Healing Practitioner, writer, and teacher. For more information, please visit her website at http://www.barbarabuck.org

 

~via We Are the Dreamwalkers

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LISA RENEE: “Right Thinking in Facing Fear”

“Fear programs must be extracted from out of our body and cleared from controlling our consciousness, by paying attention to what we must learn from the lessons that come from the fear. Fear shows us the spiritual lessons we have yet to master inside of ourselves, as it demonstrates where darkness is blocking us, in finding harmony in our direct relationship with God. How much effort will you place on learning how to face fears and stop them from controlling your mind and controlling your life, in order to be free?”

~Lisa Renee

 

The frequency of fear represents physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bondage. It destroys the capacity for expanding light into our consciousness, while it produces slavery in the mind. Unrestrained fear is a destroyer; it destroys love, it destroys trust, it destroys life, it destroys relationships and it destroys people. For this purpose, spreading fear based mind control and dark spirits to hijack the subconscious thoughts and conscious belief systems of the masses, is the primary consciousness manipulation tool of the Negative Alien Agenda and the Controllers. All earth inhabitants have been conditioned to run fear-based thoughts as the default setting in the subconscious mind, in order to attract and grow even more darkness.

It takes personal will and commitment to understand how fear works in the hidden shadows of darkness, in order to find the strength to fully transform it into light. All of us have the internal power to transform darkness into light. Being courageous enough to face our deepest and darkest fears and be willing to put forth the effort to overcome them, is the path we all must take to secure our consciousness freedom during the Ascension Cycle. Overcoming Fears is an important spiritual lesson in higher consciousness development. We must address fears from the place of observation in order to demystify them and see where they are actually coming from. When we have the courage to address our hidden fears, we are facing the hidden places of darkness that have existed in parts of ourselves.

To Overcome Fear, we must comprehend the real reasons we feel afraid and realize that our fears are pointing to the places within us that need attention. Places that need unconditional love and spiritual understanding, in order for us to continue to evolve and grow. Fear stunts our forward progress and emotional growth, it blocks our interaction with our inner spirit and it generates disharmony in our relationship with God.

Right Thinking in Facing Fear

At this critical juncture during the bifurcation shift, each person chooses if they want to exist in spiritual bondage or freedom. This decision begins with gaining control over the mind, to remove blockages through the willingness to face darkness and Overcome Fear. This is the decision to commit to the process of organizing our lifestyle to prioritize our evolution towards developing a deeper connection with God, in our prayerful request to help us overcome darkness in order to achieve spiritual freedom. This comes with the necessity of reprogramming our mind into right effort and right thinking, and to remove all that fear content which obstructs the relationship with our spirit from fully bonding. Right Thinking gives us the personal power to remove the state of our suffering. All judgments, fears and interpretations have to be suspended and when they occur, they are registered for observation and then let go and released.

We need to dissect the Frequency of Fear in all the ways it impacts our subconscious attitudes and behaviors, by paying attention to how we think and interpret our world through the inner dialogue we have with ourselves. Fear programs must be extracted from out of our body and cleared from controlling our consciousness, by paying attention to what we must learn from the lessons that come from the fear. Fear shows us the spiritual lessons we have yet to master inside of ourselves, as it demonstrates where darkness is blocking us, in finding harmony in our direct relationship with God. How much effort will you place on learning how to face fears and stop them from controlling your mind and controlling your life, in order to be free?

When our minds can only think about surviving perceived threats, we are easily controlled and manipulated through blind spots created from our own fears. This defines the state of mental bondage and suffering. Through perpetual states of feeling fear and anxiety, our critical thinking, executive function and emotional self-regulation skills that help us to resolve problems in our life are essentially eliminated. We are unable to face challenges and solve problems effectively when fear lives in our mind. Overcoming Fear is the main lesson, we have to regain control over our mind and be able to accurately assess ourselves in our surroundings. Overcoming Fear also contains vital keys in becoming the director of our own lives, as well as leading us to achieve mental, emotional and spiritual freedom, or a life without suffering.

When we Overcome Fear we can break free from impulsive reactions that are triggered from domination based tactics used in the everyday world, and from manipulators that use aggression and intimidation in order to take control over our mental perceptions and emotional reactions. From this awareness, we can see these interactions as lessons for mastering our personal growth, which we gain incredible spiritual strength from. We live in a mind controlled world that uses fear based perceptions to socially engineer slavery. What steps can you take now to begin to free yourself from the patterns of mental bondage and personal suffering, forming strong mental skills for recontextualizing fear and improving your ability to emotionally self-regulate? What spiritual lessons does fear reveal to you now?

Frequency of Fear and Feeling Unsafe

The frequency of fear is what makes people feel threatened and unsafe in the world, as well as feel disconnected and separated from other people, which generates disunity in the world. Disunity breeds self-deception, false perceptions and many negative ego character flaws that generate relationally unsafe people. People with a lack of empathy or ethical conduct have a tendency to deeply criticize, blame or judge others. When fear rules us, darkness rules us. It also rules our relationships, which extinguishes the possibility for sharing deep human heart connections and forming empathic and loving bonds. Please take note of how fear is rooted in darkness and can destroy ethical conduct, respect and empathy for others very easily. Fear destroys the hope for unified cooperation to exist between people which breaks down compassionate communication, that could be directed towards problem solving greater issues that impact all of humanity. One controller type person that uses fear to manipulate others for power can easily destroy the accumulated unity, positivity and trust earned in an entire organization or community, in one fell swoop. Thus, fear is the main manipulation tool of the controller archetype that is designed to generate perceptions of being threatened and feeling unsafe in the company of others and in any kind of social setting. It also produces relationally unsafe people, who are generally unethical, disrespectful people that lack empathy for others.

Essentially, unsafe people have weak character qualities that tend to spread fear and disunity, which make other people feel unsafe while in their presence. Many unsafe people have developed walls to distance themselves from others because of their hidden fears, that stem from unhealed personal trauma. All of us have been in the company of an unsafe person and noticed how uncomfortable and tense we may feel while in their presence. When we cannot be authentic and truthful in the presence of another because we fear they will judge, persecute or attack us for revealing ourselves, we feel deeply uncomfortable, drained and unsafe when we are in their presence. Many relationally unsafe people are ruled by their fears and many of their reactions and impulses are made unconsciously, through their unhealed mental or emotional triggers.

Let’s bring to mind some fear based negative ego qualities that create Relationally Unsafe People, people we cannot be completely truthful around without fearing we will suffer some kind of repercussion, attack or punishment. Unsafe people can be judgmental, blaming, manipulative, dishonest, narcissistic, emotionally unstable, irresponsible, gossips, Gaslighters, control freaks, back-stabbers, demanding, and entitled with superior attitudes. Sounds like a lot of darkness is present in those behaviors, doesn’t it? When in the company of people that demonstrate these fear based negative ego qualities, we may need to create strong boundaries and set the terms of our interaction with them. In some cases we may need to sever the connection entirely. There is generally nothing positive that will come from continually feeding destructive, harmful or abusive relationship patterns that refuse to heal or evolve. We have to plant seeds where there is fertile soil, if we want a garden to grow. And to shift out of the negative polarity of fear, one may need to pull weeds, or walk away from that relationship pattern as an act of self-love and self-preservation.

However, if we habitually feel unsafe with others, it may be we need to demystify the reasons we feel afraid, and discern the difference between people that demonstrate unsafe behaviors, and those who demonstrate responsible and safe behaviors. This also means that if we feel unsafe, it is our spiritual duty to build safety within ourselves by developing inner strength, based in the higher qualities that make us a safe person to be around. Strong spiritual foundation is built upon the cornerstone of moral character development and building trust inside and outside for ourselves. Trust is built upon the consistent ethical behaviors of moral conduct where people are treated with equal respect and kindness, and allowed to be who they are without repercussion. As much as you may feel unsafe with others, are you yourself a safe person for others to be around? Many times what we fear in others is the hidden unconscious behavior that we have not cleared from within our own deepest selves. Until we are willing to look at these hidden fears, we can also easily project or transfer these fears onto other people.

As a basic guideline for extracting fears by replacing negative qualities with positive qualities, is monitoring day-to-day thoughts and behaviors. We can look to GSF Behavior or simply adhere to the Golden Rule. Treat others’ as you would like to be treated, and intend to build self-esteem through esteeming actions.

At some point it is helpful to realize that the current accepted reality of negative ego behaviors and the frequency of fear, has been used against people of the earth as a psychological weapon to weaken them. Fear is broadcasted everywhere in our environment and this has produced relationally unsafe people all around us. Fear weakens moral character and it stunts the higher attributes of generosity, kindness and tolerance for others. The manufacture of endless enemies in the mainstream media maintains the mass perception of continual threats, which condition more fears and learned helplessness into the unconscious mind and pain body of humanity. The fear broadcast drills down into our personal lives, infecting our thoughts, behaviors and relationships with the frequency of fear. The frequency of fear produces feelings and perceptions that we are unsafe, unsafe with others, unsafe inside ourselves. Knowing that we live on a planet imprisoned through the mass broadcast of the frequency of fear, can be helpful to disentangle us from the mainstream fear broadcasts and fear based reactions of people around us. Refuse to take on and wear the frequency of fear running in the exterior. When we can see the fear agendas operating in the external, we can go within and sift through what is sourcing from within. Becoming aware of what fears may have been taken on through being with fear based people, as well as noting the outer agendas that use forms of electronic harassment and media based mind control.

Establishing Safety to Overcome Fear

If we are to begin to recognize the qualities that define safe people and safe relationships, we need to first understand what a safe person is and why we need that kind of safety to overcome fear. We need people in our life that will be honest with us, telling us where we are creating harm and potentially where we may need to change, in order to improve ourselves. We need friends that walk according to the truth and are accepting of us, yet they are honest about our weaknesses and faults without condemning us. Relationships in which people use shame, guilt or condemn us for our actions are ultimately destructive and traumatizing, which does not produce emotional or spiritual growth. These are the unsafe people that require us to be different than who we are, in order to be accepted and conditionally loved by them. Conditional love that must be earned is useless, it is a made up projection from the negative ego demands and is not real love. If we do not have this kind of safe person around us yet, we can become that person for our selves and others. As we intend to clear fears and improve our character, we attract similar people.

Safe people can be fully present with others, connecting at deep and intimate levels. Safe people can speak truth to one another, without being offended or taking things personally. Safe people give others the opportunity to grow and become their highest expression, for them as God intended. Safe people create loving and positive feelings and inspire good works, such as being in service to others. Safe people create relationships that allow people to be as they are, and draw us closer to feel unity and connection with all of life.

In order to heal our mental and emotional body to overcome deep fears, we must know how to establish safety within ourselves and recognize what makes us feel unsafe. Taking good care of our body, having a consistent meditation or spiritual practice to become more inner directed, avoiding exposure to self-harming behaviors, and learning how to manage fear or trauma reactions is essential to being safe within yourself. The first step is to identify what makes us feel safe and stable and to do those things every day. We must make an effort to identify what choices we do have, and make changes in our environment that can increase our sense of safety and comfort while in our physical space. Assess the physical and emotional safety of your environment, and realize it may be necessary to remove people or situations from your life who are entrenched in destructive and harmful behaviors, in order to make the necessary changes to your lifestyle. When we are more competent in emotional self-regulation our inner safety is enhanced, so that trust can be formed, as we discover that we really do have the resources inside of us for feeling comforted and safe.

(Source: ES Newsletter – Overcoming Fear)

 

~via EnergeticSynthesis.com – Time Shift Blog – March 11, 2019

MATEO SOL: “6 Signs You’re Experiencing Spiritual Maturity”

In our society, we have a very two dimensional understanding of maturity. Most people define it as an accumulation of experiences that come through the process of aging. But this isn’t really true.

The truth is that maturity has very little to do with our external experiences, and everything to do with our inner processing of the world. Yes, you might have experienced a lot of challenges and hardships in life, but if you weren’t present and aware of what was happening and the way in which it could help you to learn and grow, all of your experiences simply turned into moments where you unconsciously and emotionally reacted, not maturing at all.

While we have no control over aging, we do play a part in our ability to mature. Maturity is something that comes with conscious intent; something that evolves as we become more aware. It isn’t how “knowledgeable” or “smart” we are either, as knowledge is a product of past fears, mental patterns, memories, reactions and illusory concepts of the self.

Instead, true maturity is the state of being internally free enough to respond consciously, to be responsible enough to see the end result our thoughts, feelings and actions and how they will affect ourselves, others and the world at large.

Developing true maturity impacts so many different areas of our lives. Below I elaborate:

1. Maturity is Courageous

Maturity involves inner freedom and freedom is the result of having courage — the courage to think differently and behave differently.

In a society that considers “maturity” as the pursuit of careers, spouses, mortgages, children and materialism, it takes immense courage to truly be mature and to pursue a path with heart, reconnecting with our authentic selves.

2. Maturity is Honest

Many people avoid the truth of who they really are by piling on beliefs, labels and roles in their lives and clinging to them. However, the mature person, in their lifelong pursuit of self-discovery comes to see all the ways in which they deceive themselves into a false sense of being.

Common examples of spiritual immaturity involve avoiding the shadow elements of human nature, believing that we have transcended our “lower selves” and are in touch with our “higher selves” and confusing the fearful voices of our core wounds with our intuition.

3. Maturity is Loving

Most people’s idea of love is to love only to receive love. “I need you to love me so I can love you back” is not a very mature way of loving. To be mature means that you can love someone unconditionally, even if they don’t love you back because your own self-love is more than enough.

The spiritually mature person loves because the state of love expands their limited sense of self and reconnects them with the divine. They don’t just love to be reassured that they are lovable by another.

And if the other person is mature enough to love back the same way, the love becomes even more powerful.

You’ll often come across people that hold love as the highest possible spiritual form, which it is. But to experience that love you must first have attained the personal freedom and responsibility that is necessary to unconditionally love.

4. Maturity is Compassionate

Many religions will teach you to do “good” out of duty through pity and sympathy (both include feeling sorry for another because they are in a position inferiority to you), as opposed to empathy when you can feel and understand their pain as equals. Many are compassionate also out of the underlying stimulus and promise of “rewards” in the afterlife. However, this is completely destructive and a perfect example of immaturity.

The spiritually mature person doesn’t act from a place of dutifully needing “to do good” which is tainted with all kinds of unconscious desires such as self-gratification, power, prestige and control. To do any mature charitable act, our motivation must come from a place of inner peace and freedom.

5. Maturity is Forgiving

Resenting other people is addictive. It gives us a false sense of power by believing that we are protecting ourselves from getting hurt again, and we are on the “moral high ground.” It tricks us into an unhealthy sense of self-importance; “I’ll never forgive you. What you did to ME was UNFORGIVABLE.” It is yet another way in which our misery and self-pity make us happy.

True forgiveness, on the other hand, involves taking responsibility for ourselves and making the decision to no longer attempt to justify or attach ourselves to feelings of hatred and anger. We are aware enough to know how damaging such heavy feelings are to us and the quality of our lives.

6. Maturity is Accepting

Maturity involves knowing what you can change and accept that which you can’t. A person who lives in a constant state of conflict with the world is one who is enslaved to their own internal reactions. They are not free to respond.

I am often confronted by people who ask me how I can be so at peace with the state of affairs in the world; the injustice, the chaos, the inequality that saddens them to the point of depression or feeling like their sensitive natures don’t belong to this world.

This is closely tied with the forgiveness I mentioned above. I’m not OK with the injustice of the world, but I don’t resist it either. I’m aware enough to realize that change can never, and has never, come from an external system, but from an individual internal decision. To be able to help the collective maturity evolve I must first be able to accept and acknowledge the mess that we are in without resisting it and running away into my self-righteous ideals, without judging it and condemning others so as to make them defensive and lose receptivity to my message.

You can’t cure the turmoil of the world when you’re acting from a place of inner turmoil. The acceptance of yourself and acceptance of others is like learning how to flow in a stream without ending up like another solid pebble at the bottom of the river.

The spiritual awakening process of maturity is the beginning of the journey of inner blossoming; it is the beginning of the journey toward the fulfillment of your own potential. Coming to truly know that potential means knowing that you require equal part sun as you do soil in order to be grounded, but to dance in the wind as well.

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

LIVE BOLD & BLOOM: “12 Of The Most Important Values To Live By”

What values are important to a life well-lived?

What do you want to be known for? What qualities do you admire in others and work to cultivate in yourself?

And how do those qualities reflect your core beliefs?

Your life values are those that, once you identify them, help you with decision-making and provide the building blocks for your character — specifically the one you want to have.

For example, if one of your top value in life is courage, you’ll likely seek out new challenges so you can act in spite of the fear that comes when you’re faced with the possibility of failure or rejection.

And if forgiveness has recently become one of your values to live by, you’ll want to remind yourself of your new commitment when you’re about to spend time with someone who has hurt you in the past.

But what is the point of identifying your values, and how do they contribute to your growth and happiness?

To answer this question, we’re exploring 12 of the most important values in life and showing how they influence everything you do.

But before we do that, it makes sense to explain what values are in the first place.

What Are Values in Life?

Values are about what you consider important to the life you want to live. They inform your priorities and, when practiced consistently, form the character you want to have.

They’re rooted in your core beliefs about what makes for a life well-lived and about the behavior you want to model for others (including children if you have them).

Shared values are the basis for a common code – a value-based compass – that speeds up decision-making and unites those who share that code.

By expressing those values, the common code articulates different aspects of the shared mission and becomes the key motivator for those who share it.

You can take each of the following examples of values in life to create a code or motto that motivates you to practice that value every day, so it will become second nature when it’s most needed.

12 Most Important Values To Life By

 

1. Courage

Courage is about doing what you believe needs to be done — not in the absence of fear but in spite of it.

You might feel disinclined to offer a genuine apology out of fear that the other will reject it, but courage will help you apologize anyway, because it’s the right thing to do, out of respect for the one you hurt or offended. Whether they accept your apology or not is their business.

Courage requires a step outside of your comfort zone. If you have no fear, you don’t need courage, but when something you know you have to do makes you feel sick inside, courage is what makes you do that thing anyway.

Courage code: “I do what needs to be done, even if fear comes along for the ride.”

2. Kindness

Kindness is about treating others the way you want to be treated.

It’s more than just holding your tongue when you’re tempted to say something unkind; kindness looks for ways to make life better for others. It takes delight in lifting others up and reminding them they’re not alone, invisible, or insignificant.

Kindness and compassion are closely related; the latter involves the readiness to see a situation from someone else’s perspective and to give them the benefit of the doubt. It also takes into consideration what the other person has gone through and chooses to respond with kindness rather than anger or vengefulness.

Both demonstrate at least a subliminal appreciation for the connectedness of all living beings; when you show kindness and compassion to others, you benefit (at least) as much as they do.

Kindness to yourself is also important, and it’s the basis for self-care. Don’t forget to be as kind to yourself as you want others to be.

Schedule time each day for reasonable and thoughtful self-care, and practice mindfulness to be fully present for it. In practicing kindness to yourself, you also make yourself better able to render kindness to others.

Kindness code: “I treat others as I want to be treated — with thoughtfulness, patience, and respect.”

3. Patience

When someone is pushing your buttons, taking your time or attention away from something you want to finish, or making your life harder in some way, you practice patience by putting yourself in the others’ shoes, trying to see the situation from their perspective, and responding with kindness and respect.

No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience or a burden, and sometimes your priorities have to change to make room for something (or someone) more important or more likely to help you grow.

Patience code: “No matter how I feel when someone interrupts me or gets in my way, I always treat them with the same patience I hope for from others when necessity compels me to interrupt them or get in their way.”

4. Integrity

Integrity is about acting and speaking in accordance with your beliefs.

If you say one thing but do the opposite, witnesses to this contradiction aren’t likely to recognize you as a person of integrity. They’re more likely to accuse you of hypocrisy.

Though you may not be fully conscious of the disagreement between your words and actions, if you believe one thing but your actions profess a contradictory belief, you might feel a growing unease and unhappiness with the way you’re acting.

It doesn’t feel right. And you’re faced with a choice: either change your belief, or change your actions.

Integrity code: “What I believe is made clear by what I say and do.”

5. Gratitude / Appreciation

When gratitude is a core belief, you make time for it every day. You prioritize both feeling gratitude and expressing it — in your thoughts, in the words you speak or write, and in your attitude and actions.

You might create the habit of writing a daily gratitude list. And if you recognize the importance of emotion to the fullest experience of gratitude, you’ll likewise place a high value on a daily mindfulness practice.

Showing appreciation to others for their words and actions is also essential to making this a core value. Just as you appreciate it when others thank you for a job well done, for a thoughtful gift, or for rendering the help they needed, others appreciate that recognition too.

And far too often, we act as though others must already know how much we appreciate them. Don’t assume that they do; make sure of it.

Gratitude code: “In the morning, throughout the day, and in the evening, I feel and express gratitude for the good things in my life. And I make sure everyone who has done something good for me knows I appreciate them for it.”

6. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is about letting go of anger and resentment toward those who have hurt or offended you.

You’re not saying what they did was okay or not a big deal; you’re acknowledging that what they did was hurtful but choosing to forgive them in order to be free of the anger and resentment (toward them) that are making you miserable.

In forgiving them, you take back your power and choose happiness and peace of soul for yourself, even if the one who hurt you has never shown the slightest hint of remorse.

Everyone has a capacity for forgiveness — just as everyone has the capacity to hurt others with their words and actions — but not everyone has cultivated a habit of forgiveness.

We learn to be more forgiving by forgiving more. If you write morning pages, add a short list of people you forgive, adding what you forgive them for and something you appreciate about each person.

Forgiveness code: “I forgive those who have hurt me, because I know I’ve made mistakes and hurt people, too, and I want to be free of this anger and resentment. I choose freedom, and I choose to genuinely want (and work for) the good of those who’ve hurt me.”

7. Love

Love sees the good in everyone, and it wants good things for them. You may not always know what’s best for someone else, but if you love them, you want their ultimate happiness, and you want to see them grow.

You recognize that no one reaches adulthood with their character fixed and unchangeable; we’re all a work in progress. Things your 20-year-old self would say might appall your 40-year-old self. It’s part of being human if you’re a human that continues to grow.

Did someone you love do terrible things in their 20’s or 30’s — things they would never do now (in their mid-40’s)?

Forgive them for not knowing better before they learned whatever stopped them from doing those terrible things. And forgive yourself for not knowing that human beings are all capable of terrible things — just as we’re also capable of growth.

When you love someone, you don’t base that love on the kind of person they were ten or twenty years ago, or on the person, you hope they become or that you wish they were. Your love tells them, “You are enough — just as you are today.”

You recognize that their beliefs and behavior may change as they grow, but since your love doesn’t depend on what they believe or on whether you agree on everything, your love doesn’t lessen with time and with the challenges those changes bring.

Love code: “I love with both passion and understanding; real love is wide awake.”

8. Growth

If growth is one of your core values, you look for opportunities to grow as a person and to help others grow, too.

You take the time to identify your values and your overall mission, so you can live in accordance with it and become more and more the person you have to be in order to fulfill your mission.

You know that growth isn’t a destination but a process, and you want to enjoy that process and help others to enjoy their own.

You might take an interest in coaching or in group growth opportunities, where members support and encourage each other. You recognize true and wholehearted collaboration as an asset and a growth facilitator, and you prioritize growth over comfort and security.

Real growth might mean shaking things up at home or at work, but the more committed you are to your growth and to that of those you care about, the less you mind rocking the boat.

Growth code: “Every day, I’m growing more into the person I want to be.”

9. Listening

If active listening is a core value for you, you value others’ input and invest time and energy in learning how to see things from their perspectives.

So, it makes sense that when someone wants to tell you something, you give them your full attention and thoughtfully consider their words.

Whereas before you felt tense with the expectation of having to defend your beliefs against an unfriendly viewpoint, you’ve learned (through practice) to listen with genuine openness rather than an ego-centric fear of being proven wrong.

You recognize that you don’t know everything, and you don’t see even familiar things from every angle, so you appreciate it when others share their perspectives. And your body language as well as your feedback shows them you’re listening and that you care about what they have to say.

Listening code: “I listen to others with my full attention, so I can learn from them and show thoughtful consideration for their ideas.”

10. Respect

If you want to be known for treating all human (or living) beings with respect, you probably base that respect on something more fundamental than someone’s rank or social status.

Otherwise, why would you consider it a priority to treat all humans with equal respect — regardless of their age, income, or background?

Or why would you put more energy into making sure the least exalted among you is treated with respect than into making sure others treat you with the same consideration.

It doesn’t mean you don’t consider yourself equally worthy of respect, but you find it easy to put yourself in other people’s shoes, so in making sure they feel respected, you feel more respected, too.

Respect code: “I treat all living beings with the same respect with which I like to be treated.”

11. Self-Giving

Another word for self-giving is sacrifice, but self-giving has a more positive connotation. Essentially, you’re giving of yourself — your time, your attention, your energy, your treasure, your abilities — to help or enrich another.

Real love doesn’t hesitate to give of itself until it hurts, knowing that the momentary pain is nothing compared to the benefit won by that self-giving.

The word “selfless” implies that someone has given so much of themselves, they’ve reserved nothing for their own use or enjoyment, but in giving yourself — if you give out of love — your joy is in what that gift brings to others.

Self-giving can be overdone but only when the motive is pride (or insecurity) rather than love.

Self-giving code: “I give of myself to others not only to connect with them but to acknowledge our connectedness. What I give to them, I also receive.”

12. Vision

You may be used to talking about vision in the context of a specific person’s “vision for the future,” but the larger sense of vision is not something that you own or that comes from you; it comes through you and inspires you and others.

Because the larger vision isn’t confined to your ego, the power of that vision is free to attract, illuminate, and flow through you.

Your vision is connected to one that is infinite and uncontainable — you do not exist to serve yourself at the expense of others; you exist to cooperate with others in the creation of a community that benefits all living creatures.

Your personal vision — what you see as your response to the larger vision — informs your personal mission and the process by which you live out that mission.

It’s not about the lifestyle you want or the things you’ll have when you’re “successful.” It has more to do with allowing yourself to be led by the greater vision through your personal links to it — your intuition and inner wisdom.

Vision code: “I live according to a vision guided by my inner wisdom and judgment.”

Now, it’s your turn.

What are your values? And what will you do today to put one (or more) of them into practice?

One small action today makes more of a difference than you probably realize.

Think of each small action as a seed you plant that, as long as you nurture it along the way, grows into a healthy tree with roots and branches, shedding seeds of its own.

Your values are the life in every seed you plant. Choose the best values, and make them part of your blueprint for personal growth.

And may your courage and passion for growth influence everything you do today.

 

~via LiveBoldandBloom.com

NEZEL PADAYHAG: “5 Types Of Fear That Are The Opportunities To A Positive Change In Your Life”

Considered to be an emotional response triggered by an imminent threat, our fear is the greatest challenge we all need to face and overcome in our life.

If our fear is always being avoided, it will become a monster that locks us up in the dark prison of our minds.

We hide, we run, we act stupidly just to avoid fear. And the more we resist it the bigger monster we create of it.

The truth is, fear has full control of us because we don’t live in the present moment, but in our mind, and in our mind fear can be anything.

Fear is a protective program, it’s not against you. But if we let fear to make the decisions for us it will protect us to the point where we find ourselves locked within our own prison.

Behind every fear there is a truth that needs to come out into the open. Every kind of fear is just a door that hides some truth inside.

Once you find the courage to open what’s hidden inside, you will find the biggest opportunities for growth and evolution in your life.

There are different types of fear. We are affected by different type of fear at different points in our life depending on what we need most for growth and what holds us back.

Here are the 5 most common fears that are disguises for big opportunities. Find the one that has the biggest effect on you right now and see what kind of truth it’s within.

5 Types Of Fear That Are The Opportunities To A Positive Change

1. The fear of change.

You’re afraid of change because familiarity breeds comfort. Like a child who doesn’t want to lose sight of his mother on the first day of school, you don’t want to get out of your comfort zone because it’s where you feel protected and secure.

But as you grow older and start to see the world, you realize how small your awareness had been.

Had you not let go of the sight of your mother, you would not have known another world that is open for you to explore.

If you’re afraid of change, you deprive yourself of growing, evolving, and of testing your limits. The fear of change keeps you locked up in an unhappy place, be it a toxic relationship or unfulfilling career.

This fear is an opportunity to accept the inevitability of change and proactively step out of your comfort zone and grow. It highlights the limits of your comfort zone so you will know where growth and evolution begin.

2. The fear of being alone.

Most often, the fear of being alone is prompted by your own feelings of insecurity. You don’t feel secure with yourself because you feel you’re not good enough on your own.

You have been used to relying on other people for your security and happiness. Dependence isn’t the same with sharing and working together.

Being separated from your mother as early as infancy makes you feel disconnected. As a child, you have an unmet need that needs fulfillment.

But as you grow up you can take care of yourself. This dependency, if not overcome, creates a fear of being alone.

And ironically, if you do not spend time alone you cannot prove to yourself that you can be just fine by yourself, hence, you cannot overcome this illusion of dependency.

If being alone is one of your fears, it only means you need to work on your self confidence and self worth.

Once you’re confident to spend time being alone, without feeling less, you will find your own self worth. You will begin to see that a lot of people are like family.

Look into this fear and provide comfort to your inner child. It’s one way of healing yourself from this fear.

This fear is an opportunity for you to become self sufficient and independent. It highlights all the things you think you cannot do by yourself. Look at these things and do them by yourself. Each activity will reveal more of your self worth.

3. The fear of standing for your own truth.

Being conditioned to get validity from others for every word that you say leads you to be afraid of standing for your own truth.

Even if you know your idea is much, much better than that of the common belief, you refuse to speak thinking others might disagree.

This fear might have started in your childhood when you experienced bullying or when you were ridiculed by your immediate family or caregivers for saying your truth.

As a result, you guard yourself against anything that doesn’t feel comfortable, hiding your true self.

But your truth is a gift not anyone possesses. No one can see things the way you do. When you follow your own truth, you attract like minded people who want to live freely like you.

The way to get out of the cocoon you have built for yourself is to open up and be your genuine self.

This fear is an opportunity for you to be and express more of yourself. It highlights where you are incongruent in your reality. Use this knowledge to tell your truth and your reality will reshape with things you love and resonate with.

4. The fear of trying.

You’re afraid to try because of the possibility of failing, or succeeding, which is what terrifies us the most.

It’s normal to fail. Only a few endeavors succeeded with the first try. Most successes passed through the bridge of failures. And we think we want to succeed.

But most often, we are terrified of both of them. In fact, we are afraid of trying because it means we will face reality and it’s either not the way we think it is, or it is and we are right.

Either we are wrong and we cannot fantasize anymore, or we are right and we might get the results we want and they are disappointing in reality.

In both cases, we cannot fantasize about our results. We face reality and we either fail or see it’s not like we fantasized.

The fear of trying comes from loving our fantasy for the result more than the result itself. But reality is better than fantasy, even if it’s not exactly how we fantasized it.

This fear is an opportunity for you get what you want to get. It highlights the things that really matter to you. Use this fear to see the things you really want to get, however, let go of fantasizing and try to actually get them.

5. The fear of rejection.

The fear of rejection has something to do with being afraid of not being good enough. It’s how society conditioned us to feel.

But if you’re able to tweak your mindset a bit you’ll see that rejection only means something better is within you and you are not showing it.

If you believe your lack of certain skills caused you to get rejected, then do something to improve those skills.

If you are scared of being rejected because you doubt you are good enough, open yourself to rejection.

In both cases you will improve yourself to be the best version of yourself. The point of this is the realization that the rejection has nothing to do with who you really are.

If you get rejected it has nothing to do with the real you. We are all good enough, but thinking that some outside factor can validate us makes us not good enough.

Open yourself to these things and be rejected, you’ll either see all the skills you want to improve or you’ll see they were never really a factor to tell your worth.

This fear is an opportunity for you to become the best version of you. It highlights all the things keeping you from becoming your best self. You do this with giving your power away to them by seeking validation. You decide your own worth.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com