ALETHEIA LUNA: “12 Signs It’s Time to Move On and Burn All Bridges”

“It is not selfish to burn bridges when the person on the other end is feeding off your soul. In fact, deliberately moving toxic people from your life is a sign of self-love and respect for your personal needs.”

~Aletheia Luna

 

There often comes a point where we outgrow the people in our lives, develop different interests, and even in the best circumstances, lose people due to the natural cycle of life and death.

But when is the right time to move on from a relationship that feels doomed? Should we wait it out … should we try to pick up the broken pieces, and if so, for how long? At what point is it acceptable to walk away and never look back?

Burning bridges is a tough and serious decision to make. When we “burn bridges” we are essentially cutting off all contact with a person and making it impossible to return. If you’re struggling with this decision, there are a few things you might like to know first.

When Burning Bridges is the Wrong Choice

Cutting people off is not always the right decision. As much as we would like to quickly dispose of a person who is causing us trouble, sometimes the problem originates more within us than them.

For instance, burning bridges might be the wrong choice if you’re wanting to dispose of a person due to fear of intimacy and the unwillingness to be vulnerable. Both of these problems will not be solved by cutting a person off, and in fact, making such a decision will exacerbate and deepen your insecurities. If you’re uncomfortable with sharing your entire self with another person in a friendship or relationship, the problem obviously isn’t the other person, but your own internal fears and traumas. In order to work through this problem, be honest with yourself and the person in your life. Explain how you feel. If they truly love you, they will understand and will stop trying to make you open up.

Another example of a wrong time to move on would be in the heat of anger (or another strong emotional reaction). When we are consumed by emotions our logic is overridden and we cannot think or see clearly. So many poor and even fatal decisions are made when our amygdala has gone haywire (bring to mind all the crimes of passion you hear on the news). In order to prevent yourself from making a rash decision, force yourself to breathe in and out for a couple of minutes. Removing yourself from the person or situation also helps your mind and body to settle down.

The final example of a wrong time to move on is when a relationship changes and stops being fun and exciting all the time. So many people tend to mistakenly believe that there’s something “wrong” with their relationship as it matures and grows because it’s no longer filled with the same ecstasy experienced at the beginning. But the reality is that every relationship changes: you will not experience the same dizzy euphoria as you did when you first fell in love. But there will be new emotions to experience as you grow and change with your partner. It is normal to feel a bit of boredom every now and then, but this does not necessarily mean that you need to burn bridges and move on. Obviously, if you’re feeling constantly bored and unfulfilled then you should seriously reconsider your relationship. But don’t make the mistake of hopping from partner to partner in an attempt to find that one person who makes you feel euphoric 100% of the time. It just won’t happen.

If you need more guidance on how to improve your relationship, read my article How to Save a Relationship or Marriage. You might also like to read more about how to create a deep spiritual connection with your partner.

12 Signs It’s Time to Move On

So when is it the right time to move on?

At some point in our lives, we all need to make the heart-wrenching choice to sever contact with certain people. For some of us, that might mean burning bridges with our ex-partners or friends, and for others, this might mean cutting off contact with our parents, siblings or even our own children.

It is unrealistic — and even dangerous — to believe that all relationships can be repaired, no matter what has happened. We cannot change other people, no matter how hard we try. Yes, we might be able to influence them, but the choice to change comes from them, not us. We cannot force others to change. Therefore, sometimes we need to accept that it’s time to move on, let go, and open a new chapter of our lives because no matter what we do, a person will only change if they are interested in changing.

Letting go can even seem cruel to some people, especially if a strong emotional bond is present. But the reality is that we have to take care of ourselves as well. If a person is not a source of comfort or support in your life, then they hang around you like dead weight holding you back from self-fulfillment. It is not selfish to burn bridges when the person on the other end is feeding off your soul. In fact, deliberately moving toxic people from your life is a sign of self-love and respect for your personal needs.

Here are some major signs that it’s time to move on:

1. They don’t show interest in your thoughts, opinions or needs

Your relationship is very lopsided. Even when you try to express your thoughts and needs, you are met with a blank, uninterested wall. Life seems to revolve around the other person, and whenever you try to draw a conversation towards yourself, this person will immediately try to hog attention. In the past, you may have drawn attention to the fact that this person doesn’t show interest in your needs, but nothing changed and they made no effort to pay attention to you. This person has an “ME first, you second” attitude.

2. They emanate constant negativity

No matter what you do or say, the other person is always unhappy. This person might nitpick, whine, criticize, judge, and moan about you or other people all the time. Not only that, but you always seem to go away feeling miserable after spending time with this person. They are like a damp heavy blanket suffocating your soul.

3. They don’t encourage your freedom

A major red flag: if the other person is controlling and authoritative, back away slowly! If you feel trapped and unable to be your true self, it’s most definitely time to move on. Feeling trapped can also be subtle and passive, for example, a partner or parent who tries to keep you dependent on them so that they have power over you.

4. They twist the truth

You struggle to trust this person because they have lied to you so much in the past. Lying is not always active, it can also be passive, for example, withholding information or details that you needed to know. This person has repeatedly broken your trust and is not transparent with you.

5. They don’t prioritize your relationship

The other person doesn’t seem to value your relationship/friendship as much as you do. While you put in so much work to improve your relationship with them, the other person doesn’t seem to care at all. Even when you have asked them to uphold their side of the relationship, they still ended up prioritizing other things over you. For example, they might spend long nights out with their friends at the pub and return at 3am. Or they might forget dates, meetups or agreements and put work or other commitments above you. While busyness is a normal part of life, this person doesn’t seem to have time on their schedule for you at all.

6. They create constant drama

You feel exhausted having to deal with all of the problems and dramas surrounding this person. Even when something goes well for your friend/partner/family member, they quickly find something else to be unhappy about. You have a sense that this person thrives on drama and is empty without it. You’re tired of hearing detailed accounts of their fights, work dramas, relationship tragedies, righteous opinions, ad infinitum.

7. They feed off your energy

This person seems to be fuelled by your attention and emotional reactions. They might enjoy provoking you to elicit a response that makes them feel like they have power over you. You also feel very tired around them, and almost sucked into their gravitational pull. If you feel this way, you’ve likely got an energy vampire on your hands. While I don’t particularly like this term, it accurately describes people who enjoy leeching off our energy.

8. They’re relentlessly needy

You feel smothered by this other person and like you’re bound to them with a ball and chain. Not only do you have to take care of your needs, but you feel as though you have to take care of their needs as well. This person seems to constantly demand attention, pampering, affection, and favors from you. You’ve tried encouraging this person to stand on their own two feet, but they seem intent on clinging off you. This person seems to be incapable of being self-assured and constantly seeks approval from you.

9. They have physically hurt you

In moments of rage, your friend/partner/family member may have hit you or physically hurt you in some way. While they may have apologized, your trust and confidence around them have been broken. Physical abuse is a crystal clear sign that it’s time to move on and burn bridges, forever.

10. They make you want to hide your true self

You’ve tried being relaxed and open around this person, but you’ve been met with coldness, criticism or judgment. As a result, you may have resorted to hiding your true self and wearing a mask instead. Gradually, you may have even started to forget who you truly are, having become a shell of your former self instead. You feel sick of changing who you are for the other person.

11. They manipulate you

You chronically feel emotionally blackmailed or gaslighted by this person. Sometimes you even feel like you’re the abuser, when in fact, the other is just playing mind games with you.

12. They intentionally hold you back

On the surface it may appear that your friend, partner or family member has “the best intentions for you,” but really, they don’t. They are scared. They don’t want you to change. They don’t want you to reach your full potential, for that will make them feel left behind. They don’t want to see you happy, for that will reflect how unhappy they are. They don’t want you to take risks, for that will force them to reconsider their own life choices. As the old truism goes, “misery loves company.” Unhappy people want to be surrounded by other unhappy people because it gives them some sense of consolation. As a result, you might feel like you have to dim down your lights, blend in, and become a wallflower.

After reading this list:

After reading this list, please know that you don’t have to say “yes” to every sign. Even if you’re experiencing just one or two of these signs, you should seriously consider the possibility that it’s time to move on. While you don’t have to necessarily burn bridges, you might like to create space and distance and see how you feel.

Hopefully these signs can gently awaken you to the possibility that it’s time to open a new chapter of your life. And please know that feeling things like stress, shame, and grief are all normal reactions. Personally, when it was time for me to burn bridges I felt intense emotional and psychological turmoil for many months. In my case, I had to cut ties with my entire family in order to escape their oppressive fundamentalist religion. But to my surprise, I felt so free and liberated that all of the pain of going through separation was worth it.

I hope you can find the same kind of freedom. Your heart and soul are stronger than you may think.

 

About the author: Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a psychospiritual counselor, tarot reader, and professional writer, Luna’s mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance.

 

~via LonerWolf.com

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ALETHEIA LUNA: “How to Channel Your Soul Through Automatic Writing”

Do you want to discover a simple, quick, safe, and powerful way to connect with your Soul?

One of the best techniques out there is automatic writing. Automatic writing can be practiced by anyone, from those who have just begun their spiritual journey, to seasoned travelers.

I want to share with you a concise and detailed way to practice automatic writing based on my own soulwork experience.

What is Automatic Writing?

Automatic writing is the practice of writing words in a trance-like state that originate from a place outside of conscious awareness. Psychologists and spiritualists have varying beliefs about the origin of automatic writing, with some arguing that it is sourced from the unconscious mind, and others claiming that it originates from supernatural forces such as spirit guides and angels.

My personal belief is that automatic writing is sourced from the unconscious mind which is a doorway into the Soul or Higher Self. This makes automatic writing a wonderful way to gain guidance!

The Benefits of Automatic Writing

When you put in the effort to learn, there are many benefits to automatic writing. Here are a few examples:

  • You gain direct guidance from your Soul/Higher Self
  • You’ll have more clarity in your daily life as a result
  • Improved ability to make wise decisions
    Your intuitive abilities are sharpened, honed, and developed
  • You can connect with your Spirit Guides and their perspectives
  • You feel supported and deeply understood
  • Improved ability to trust your instincts and intuition

And there are many other benefits, such as the fact that automatic writing is quite a calming practice that literally and metaphorically opens your mind!

How to Channel Your Soul Through Automatic Writing

Essentially, automatic writing, when broken down is simple. It involves:

  • Getting a pen and paper/opening a notepad or word document
  • Thinking of a question to ask
  • Writing down the question
  • Relaxing your body and mind
  • Allowing the writing to flow spontaneously

However, automatic writing in practice is something that you’ll have to patiently develop (unless you have a natural gift for it).

You also might find, like many people, that the first time you try automatic writing it goes really well. But after that, you struggle a lot. The reason this happens is that when we try something new, our minds are often empty of belief and expectation. However, afterward, we begin to accumulate mental baggage which blocks the process of spontaneous revelation.

Don’t worry if this happens. All you’ll need to learn is how to empty the mind, and I’ll share some tips below about how to do this below:

1. Think of a question that you want guidance about

The whole purpose of automatic writing is to access guidance from your Soul, especially if you struggle to hear it in daily life.

Start each session with a clear question, and write it down in your notebook or word document. Choose a question that has really been pulling at your heart or eating you up inside. The more emotionally-charged the question is, the clearer your response will be.

It’s also important that you address your question to someone or something in particular such as your Soul, a Spirit Guide or your unconscious mind.

For example, your question could be “Dear Soul, why do I keep sabotaging my happiness?”

Try to keep your questions simple. If you have many questions, break them up into different sessions of writing — this will make the process easier for you.

2. Relax your mind

Learning how to relax your mind is the most important part of automatic writing. When your mind is still and empty of thoughts, writing spontaneously becomes much easier.

Examples of possible ways you can relax your mind include:

  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
  • Mindfulness
  • Visualisation
  • Yoga

Do whatever suits you and relaxes you the most.

3. Enter a gentle trance

As humans, we have the capacity to enter trance-like states very easily. The most popular trance state we enter into is while watching TV!

A trance-like state is a form of altered consciousness in which your normal thinking brain relaxes. For automatic writing, entering a trance is very useful because it facilitates the spontaneous flow of information.

Common ways to enter into a gentle trance include listening to music, yogic/holotropic breathing, mantras, repetitive tasks, guided meditations, self-hypnosis, and many others.

Choose whatever works best for you, and don’t be shy with experimenting. I personally like listening to calming music and blending that with mindfulness or meditation.

4. Allow the flow of information

Once you feel ready you can begin to write. Don’t worry if at first the words are gobbledygook or if you can’t follow the stream of information. In fact, if you’re completely unaware of what you’re writing, that’s actually a very good thing! It means that you’re tapping into something that is far greater than your thinking mind.

It’s also very common during this stage to find yourself judging what you write and analyzing it. This is quite normal. If you find your mind getting involved, gently bring yourself back towards whatever practice you used before to enter a trance-like state. For example, if you were rhythmically breathing, go back to that. You’ll likely have to repeat this step a number of times.

I prefer to look away when I’m writing so that I’m not easily drawn into judging what I’m writing. But other people prefer looking. Experiment and see what suits you.

If you’re not used to writing, you’ll probably carry a bit of inhibition at first, which is natural. With practice, you’ll get into “the flow” of it, meaning that you’ll find automatic writing increasingly easier and easier to do without thought.

Before starting an automatic writing session, it’s important that you give yourself as much time as needed to express what needs to be expressed. One surefire way to hinder the flow of information is time pressure and the expectation that it should take a certain amount of time. In my experience, automatic writing can take a couple of minutes anywhere up to half an hour or more.

Basically, create a space in which you can relax as much as possible mentally. Remember, you can always interpret what is written afterward.

5. Interpret the information

At a certain point, you’ll intuitively sense that your automatic writing session is coming to an end. Other times, you might abruptly stop writing and no more information comes.

Once you’ve stopped, it’s time to review what you’ve written. Try looking firstly for coherent sentences or keywords that may pop out. Sometimes you’ll also find patterns, and in some situations, even words from different languages.

Also, if you’re confused about what has been written, you can always use that as a question to ask in your next automatic writing session. However, when I’m confused, I like to wait and ruminate on what has been written for a while. If I haven’t figured out what the message is after a week (which is rare), I use that as another question.

How to Know Whether You’re Really Channeling Your Soul

The best way to know for sure that you’re receiving guidance from your Soul is how you feel while writing. Do you feel a sense of inner spaciousness, lightness, and other good “vibes”? Or do you feel heavy, emotionally-charged, and frantic?

In my experience, I know for sure that I’m connecting with Soul/Spirit when I enter a state of no-mind in which I am completely present, calm and at peace.

However, when writing becomes frantic and heavy, it is usually coming from the mental or emotional energy “body.”

Another way to tell whether you’re really channeling your Soul is by reviewing what is written. Are the words authoritative, clear, and wise? Or are the words closer to what your mind sounds like (disjointed, critical or vague)? Words from your Soul will always sound and feel crystal clear.

I hope this advice helps you out and inspires you to begin practicing.

What are your experiences with automatic writing? If you have any tips, please share below!

 

~via LonerWolf.com

ALETHEIA LUNA: “Being Spiritual Doesn’t Mean Sh*t If You Can’t Hold Space for Others”

“If we ever hope to grow at a deep level and feel authentically connected to others, we need to learn how to hold space for both ourselves and others.”

~Aletheia Luna

 

So, here’s the thing. We might do Instagram-perfect yoga. We might meditate for at least an hour a day. We might pray. Say mantras. Do mudras. Send love to the world. We might have a hoard of crystals and other spiritual trinkets. We might do elaborate daily rituals, eat a cruelty-free whole food diet, and fast every month. We might burn incense, smile all day, say affirmations, and say “love and light” or “namaste” a lot. We might call ourselves spiritual seekers, healers, empaths, intuitives, old souls, or yogis.

But in my humble opinion, all of this doesn’t mean sh*t if we can’t show compassion and be there for others.

The Hypocrisy of Saccharine Spirituality

Firstly, I want to start by saying that I am by no means innocent. I have judged others before, turned a blind eye, shown unkindness, and committed spiritual bypassing — all while under the self-designated label of being “spiritual.”

I think to some extent, we all have. That is why I feel that the topic of this article is so important to cover — hypocrisy is something that we’re all capable of. The tendency is latent within each and every one of us. And I think we all need to understand and work to be aware of that.

But there are some things in life that tend to trigger, bring out, and exacerbate this hypocrisy. In this case, I am referring to a certain popular variety of spirituality. I call it Saccharine Spirituality — and it is a type of spirituality that is defined by a sickly sweet emphasis on “good vibes only” and “love and light” without much depth or real-life rawness.

Saccharine spirituality is the type of spirituality out there that involves worshiping the “feel-good” and “high vibe,” but actively avoids, denies, or shuns anything negative and uncomfortable. Saccharine spirituality is all about feeling empowered, developing self-love, and celebrating forms of spirituality that look good on the surface — but at the same time, it produces a phobia of anything too real, too emotionally challenging, too blood-and-dirt, too “unawakened” or “low vibe.”

And it doesn’t take much to see that saccharine spirituality is alive and thriving more than ever. We can literally see it everywhere: on social media, in real life, and in all spiritual and religious spheres.

I first witnessed saccharine spirituality growing up in the Christian church I was raised in. I remember how the church abandoned, passively shunned, and ignored one of the women who had been attending the church for 20+ years. This woman’s husband had been prosecuted for child molestation and was going to prison. I was the only one who spoke to this gentle soul, despite the fact that we were all supposed to be “brothers and sisters in Christ.”

I now witness this type of abandonment and hypocrisy in the spiritual realm.

I hear and witness self-described sensitive “empaths” show an extraordinary lack of empathy and self-entitled judgment towards others.

I watch “old souls” tear each other apart like animals.

I see spiritual seekers ostracize and react harshly to any person who thinks critically.

I look on as “healers” rush to fix, ignore, predict, or diagnose the suffering of others.

I watch as “psychics/mystics/witches/yogis” (*insert spiritual label here*) love talking and posting about themselves, but ignore meeting others on a deep level.

I’m sorry. I don’t care if you’re a talented healer or psychic. I’m not interested in whether you’re a self-identified empath or spiritual seeker. I don’t want to hear about how much mystical power or intuitive prowess you have. Being spiritual doesn’t mean sh*t if you can’t hold space for people.

What Does Holding Space Mean?

Holding space is very simple. It means being completely present with another person. Holding space means giving another the opportunity to be completely heard, seen, and understood. I’m not talking about trying to fix, give advice to, or pathologize the other person — when I say holding space, I mean it in the most simple way possible: just being 100% there for the person, without trying to change or force advice onto them.

To witness another person and be completely receptive to what they have to share is scarcely practiced. How often have you felt deeply heard, seen, and understood by another? How often has someone sat down with you and genuinely asked: “Hey, share with me how you feel” and held space for all your joy or sorrow? If you’re like most people: pretty rarely.

It’s no wonder that most of us are so emotionally starved. It’s no wonder that most of us are so desperate to be seen.

In a world full of stress, incessant business, emotional isolation, and self-absorption, holding space for someone is the most precious gift you can give. That is why I say that being spiritual doesn’t mean shit without this one important practice. Who cares if you possess extrasensory gifts or can meditate for six hours straight? Who cares if you have deep self-knowledge or can enter alternate planes of consciousness at will?

If you can’t bring those skills into your life in a down-to-earth way, they mean nothing.

If you can’t practically apply them in the blood-and-grit of daily life, they mean nothing.

If you can’t connect or show kindness to others, they mean nothing.

If you can’t sit down with a person and ask “Hi. How are you really?” and actually listen wholeheartedly, don’t even bother.

In the end, if your brand of spirituality encourages self-absorption and a superficial feel-good denial of other’s pain, it’s a waste of time.

“Your pain, your sorrow, your doubts, your longings, your fearful thoughts: they are not mistakes, and they are not asking to be ‘healed.’ They are asking to be held.” ~Jeff Foster

 

How to Hold Space for People

Holding space is about giving space.

Too often we jump to the part where we want to fix, instruct, or heal the person — or even worse, hog the conversation, talk about ourselves, and “one-up” the other person’s pain. But the truth is, most people (including ourselves) are just looking for a person who will sit with them in all of their joy or misery, and BE.

Mindful presence is the core of what holding space means. In other words, holding space means that we simply sit with a person and give them our undivided attention in the spirit of kindness.

“Undivided attention!?” you may think, “I don’t have the energy to do that!” Don’t worry. I realize that holding space for others isn’t always possible. You’re not alone. If you’re anything like me, your energy reserves are very limited. So it’s unrealistic to expect ourselves to always hold space for others, especially when we are tired, stressed, or sick. In which case, don’t be a martyr. Take care of yourself. Have a break. Step away. Have a nap. Top up your energy reservoir.

But if you’re still struggling to hold space for others, there might be a deeper underlying issue that you need to work through.

For example, do you often feel yourself talking over or interrupting others? Do most of your conversations center around your issues, thoughts, and feelings? Do you feel uncomfortable when others get too emotional? Do you find deep topics of conversation unsettling? These are all signs that you aren’t holding space for yourself. In such a case… how can you hold space for others when you aren’t holding space for yourself?

If we ever hope to grow at a deep level and feel authentically connected to others, we need to learn how to hold space for both ourselves and others.

Here’s how to do that.

Holding space for ourselves and others:

1. Mindfully tune into yourself

How can you become receptive and open to others without doing the same for yourself? Tuning into your thoughts and feelings is a practice called mindfulness. It requires you to become curious about what is going on inside of you. And to do that, you’ll need to slow down and breathe a little. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling at the moment?” “What type of thoughts/stories are running through my head?” Also be attentive to your body and notice whatever sensation, ache, or pain you feel. Simply note how you feel and move on with your day. If you need help doing this, I highly recommend that you use an app I use called ‘Calm’ — it will motivate you to develop mindfulness as a skill.

2. Be transparent with yourself

Express how you feel in an authentic way. Allow yourself to be seen by yourself. To do this, find a notebook or journal that you can dedicate to your thoughts and feelings. Journaling every day about what is worrying or concerning you will create more clarity in your life. Not only that but when you make this therapeutic tool a habit, you will feel more emotionally balanced and capable of truly holding space for others.

3. Release pent-up emotions

Don’t allow your emotions to build up inside of you. Find healthy outlets to express them such as through artwork, intense exercise, catharsis, or simply having a good cry. When we are motivated to “help” others out of the need to relieve our own internal discomfort, we’re not being kind. We’re not being empathetic. We’re just not. Instead, we are using others as a way to feel better about ourselves. Finding a safe form of catharsis will allow you to be calm and centered enough to show compassionate attentiveness to yourself and others.

4. Learn to listen more than talk

Master the art of listening. If you are a person who is used to chattering away, experiment with being quiet and allowing others to talk. How do you feel when you don’t talk so much? You might feel a sense of relief, or alternatively, you might feel unseen or ignored. Journal about these feelings. If you feel uncomfortable with allowing others to speak more than you, ask yourself “why?” In what ways are you depending on others to be seen and understood, rather than yourself? Practicing active listening involves making eye contact, letting others speak uninterrupted, indicating that you understand what the person is saying, and listening without judgment.

5. Let your mind be like water

Listen to other people without forming responses in your mind. How often has someone shared something interesting, and you miss the rest of what they say because you’re too busy constructing a clever/insightful reply? It’s tempting to fill the spaces in conversations with thoughts. After all, our minds think around 800 words per minute, compared to 125-150 words we speak per minute. But experiment with listening wholeheartedly to what a person says. If thoughts come into your mind, gently refocus your mind on what the person is saying. Then, after the person has stopped talking, give yourself a few seconds to gather thoughts, then respond. I promise that your response will be much more engaging and interesting to the other person because you have gathered all the nuances and details (instead of prematurely forming a response).

6. Let compassion guide you

The purpose of holding space for another isn’t to be a saint. It isn’t to be a martyr. It is to be entertained or to get karmic brownie points. To hold space for a person is an act of compassion, an expression of love for another human being. It not only makes you feel good, but it also makes the other person feel seen, heard, and understood. What could be more precious than that?

7. Practice with a friend or family member

An easy way to practice holding space is to schedule time every week with someone close to you, and to exchange mindful presence with each other. Notice how it feels to be completely received by another person. Imagine giving that to others on a regular basis!

8. Know your limits and take self-responsibility

Are you tired, cranky, overwhelmed, or otherwise incapable of holding space for another? Relax. It’s normal and 100% fine to feel that way. But make sure that you take responsibility for how you feel.

Final Thoughts

Holding space for others doesn’t mean that you have to be a pushover, doormat, or unnecessarily submissive person. Sometimes you will need to hold space for yourself more than others. Sometimes you will enter long periods of life where you are incapable of being present with others. That is normal. Not all of us can be Eckhart Tolle 24/7. So do the compassionate thing and draw a line. Learn to say a gentle no to others and be OK with it. If someone is becoming overly clingy or needy, be assertive, draw clear boundaries, and step away in a firm but caring manner. It is OK to be selective about who you hold space for, particularly if you dislike the person and struggle to stay present with them. (Hey, we’re all human!)

You might also be short on time, but still wish to hold space for another. In this case, explain to the other that you only have a couple of minutes to spare, or set another date and time to catch up.

Remember, holding space needs to come out of a place of compassion and the desire to help others be seen, heard, and understood. If you are doing it out of obligation, pressure, or duty, take a step back. Change course. Do something else.

The most important ingredient for holding space for another is the ability to hold space for yourself. By genuinely taking the time to wholeheartedly listen to your inner thoughts and feelings, you will be better equipped to show the same to others.

Spirituality is not just about learning to love ourselves. It is also about learning to extend that love and care to others in a down-to-earth way. One of the best and easiest ways to do that is by simply listening to others. You don’t need to always give them pep talks. You don’t need to always rush to prescribe a solution to their problems. Often, what people need the most is just a person who is receptive enough to simply listen without judgment.

To be completely seen, heard, and understood in the presence of another living soul is one of the most healing forces in the world. I hope you take the time to share this gift with others.

 

~via LonerWolf.com

ALETHEIA LUNA: “9 Ways to Awaken the Divine Masculine Within You”

If any human being is to reach full maturity both the masculine and feminine sides of the personality must be brought up into consciousness.

—M. Esther Harding

 

We hear a lot these days about wild women, female spiritual ascension, and the awakening of the sacred feminine. Go on any form of social media and you’re bound to find discussion surrounding sisterhood, female mysticism, womb magic, and contacting/worshiping the goddess within.

While it is important that we honor the divine feminine, we must not forget that the divine masculine is alive within each and every one of us as well.

The only way we can truly become awakened and spiritually mature beings is to integrate both sides of our nature as men and women — not simply one above the other.

Why Has the Divine Masculine Been Ignored?

How often have you seen the divine masculine discussed or revered (as opposed to the divine feminine)? Be honest: not much. Maybe a few people here and there have touched on the matter… but overall people aren’t paying that much attention to the topic.

Let’s face it. There’s not an overwhelmingly large number of positive role models out there of the divine masculine. In fact, to come across a truly mature and integrated male is rather like stumbling upon a rare delicacy or mythical unicorn.

Why is this the case?

The unfortunate reality is that up until this point in history, we have mostly been presented with the shadow side of the masculine. We have seen how bloodthirsty, arrogant, domineering, and destructive masculine energy can be. Therefore, most of us have lost our interest, and dare I say respect, for this fundamental aspect of existence.

The tragic truth is that most of the large-scale suffering in history has been instigated, inflicted, and/or carried out by men. And until this day “The Man” (a phrase that refers to governments/authorities) continues to inflict oppression and spread greed, prejudice, and corruption.

The crusades and witch hunts, two major world wars, genocides, tribal race wars, dictators, terrorist groups, fundamentalist religions/cults, and the mass rape and murder committed across the world… I could go on and on about the atrocities committed largely by men. It’s no wonder that many people have a bad taste in their mouth and the divine masculine is being ignored.

Benefits of Awakening the Divine Masculine

Here’s what you can expect to experience once you begin this type of work:

  • More self-confidence
  • Enhanced ability to be objective
  • Improved critical thinking/analytical skills
  • Emotional balance
  • Connection to the Warrior within
  • Increased ability to set strong boundaries
  • More self-assertiveness
  • Enhanced will-power
  • Improved self-discipline
  • Mental clarity

9 Ways to Awaken the Divine Masculine Within You

As I said previously, spiritual maturity is about nurturing, honoring, and balancing both sides of your nature. And ALL men, women, and non-binaries/trans, possess both the masculine and feminine aspect inside.

Ignoring, suppressing, demonizing, or treating one type of energy as “less than” another is immature and ultimately creates suffering. Don’t give fuel to your shadow self. Don’t perpetuate more division within this world. Learn how to awaken both types of energy within yourself in a healthy way. Here’s how:

1. Examine your wounds surrounding the Masculine

As a male or female (or non-binary), what has your experience been like with men? Have you had supportive male figures in your life (e.g. your father and/or brothers)? Have you experienced mostly abusive relationships/connections with men? Or have you experienced a little bit of both?

Examining your wounds will help you to examine any unconscious beliefs, biases, or prejudice you have towards men. These mental and emotional blockages are very revealing and will help you to develop and strengthen a healthy bond with your inner divine masculine. Write down your experiences and reflect on the themes that arise such as abandonment, friendship, alienation, love/hate, emotional connection/distance etc.

2. Take self-responsibility

Look after yourself. Own your actions. Take responsibility for your happiness. Don’t permit yourself to become a victim who needs to be “rescued.” To awaken the divine masculine, you need to be accountable for your thoughts, feelings, and choices. Don’t blame other people when things go wrong; this is pointless and a waste of energy. Respect yourself, be mature, and reclaim your warrior energy.

3. Contact your inner Father

We all possess many sides of our nature. Psychologist Carl Jung called the different faces of our psyches “archetypes.” The Father is a universal archetype that we all carry inside, regardless of whether we’re male or female. One powerful way of awakening your divine masculine is to contact this inner Father and develop a relationship with it. I recommend practices such as journalling, various forms of artistic expression such as painting, automatic writing, and even using tarot as a way of contacting your inner Father. Explore what he wants to share with you. Remember that your inner Father is kind and benevolent. In what ways can you father yourself better or be the father that you never really had?

4. Deconstruct your conditioning

What have you been conditioned to believe about “what it means to be a man”? We collectively and individually carry so much baggage when it comes to defining masculinity. Common forms of conditioning that many of us have received regarding men include, for example:

  • Men shouldn’t cry (because it makes you a “wimp/sissy”)
  • Men must be stoic and not express their emotions
  • Men must have a successful career
  • Men must be the head of the household
  • Men are primarily logical and left-brain oriented
  • Men have to be interested in sport
  • Men are the protectors of women and children
  • Men must “dominate” women physically, sexually, and career-wise
  • Men are expected to be aggressively self-confident
  • Men must look strong and have muscles

Can you think of any other forms of conditioning that I have left out?

Once you have discovered what your culture has taught you about men, you will be more capable of consciously redefining what masculinity means to you. This will allow you to develop a healthy relationship with your inner divine masculine. Ask yourself, “what does mature and balanced masculinity look like to me?”

5. Find a masculine teacher/guide/figure you admire

Thankfully there are some wonderful examples of embodied divine masculine energy out there. These men may be among your inner circle of friends or family members (and if so, feel blessed!). If you don’t know anyone who reflects the divine masculine in your life, don’t worry. You aren’t short of options out there!

There are many teachers alive today who embody the divine masculine. There are also deceased teachers from the past who express masculine energy in a mature way. Don’t be afraid to use fictional heroes or mythical gods as your guides either. Just ensure that you don’t idealize or worship these figures — simply admire, respect, and learn from them. Ultimately, what is important is that you learn from these role models and embody + express your own inner divine masculine.

6. Connect with your inner Warrior

The inner Warrior is another face or expression of the divine masculine. But please don’t mistake what I’m saying for the way warriors are portrayed in modern times. Your inner Warrior isn’t interested in dominating, killing others, or “fighting for peace.” Your inner Warrior supports and protects you. He takes no bullshit. He will defend your rights peacefully but assertively. He will cut through the lies and see with clarity. He values truth, courage, and inner strength.

When you bring more of the Warrior energy into your life, you are awakening the divine masculine. You are reconnecting to the Wholeness deep within yourself. To build a strong connection with this energy, you might like to explore the look and feel of your inner Warrior. What is his personality like? What does he enjoy doing? When does he already appear in your life? And in what areas could you benefit more from his presence? Examples of ways to connect with your inner Warrior include practicing martial arts, boxing, vigorous exercise, guided visualizations, becoming an activist, yang yoga, artistic self-expression… and the list goes on.

7. Be assertive and stick up for yourself

Being assertive isn’t about being angry or confrontational, nor is it about throwing yourself in another person’s face. To be assertive is to respect yourself and your needs. If you’re a quiet person or introvert, it’s likely that you struggle with assertiveness (I’ve explored how to overcome that passivity in my book Quiet Strength).

One of the best ways to start with being assertive is to define your needs. What need is not being met? How do you feel when your boundaries are being overstepped? Assertiveness requires courage, so it is important to take little steps. Above all, always remember that your needs and opinions are just as valid as anyone else’s.

8. Stand in a confident way

Our body language has a powerful impact on how we feel (and vice versa). Try this experiment for a moment: let your shoulders drop forward, hunch over, and cross your arms so you’re in a “C” shape. How do you feel? Now straighten your back and shoulders and let your chest be exposed so you’re in an “l” shape. How do you feel?

Although it might be uncomfortable and foreign at first, improving your posture will help to send the unconscious signal that you are confident, calm, and secure in yourself. This is an amazingly simple way to get in touch with your divine masculine side.

9. Stop being passive, start being active

Be the instigator, initiator, and giver within your relationships (and life in general). Take the initiative to go out of your way to set goals, make plans, and work towards what you dream about. Don’t let passivity make you apathetic and lazy. Feed your inner fire and do something with it.

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If you work with essential oils or herbs, you may like explore herbs such as licorice root, damiana, ashwagandha, and essential oils such as cypress, cedarwood, sandalwood, and vetiver to supplement the advice in this article.

If you work with crystals, you may like to incorporate the following stones into your rituals: shiva lingam, red jasper, green tourmaline, tiger eye, pyrite, malachite, and labradorite.

Ultimately, there is no division in life — it is the human mind that likes to label and separate things. The masculine and feminine are therefore two sides of the same coin. I hope this article has inspired you to create more balance and wholeness in your life.

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~via LonerWolf.com

ALETHEIA LUNA: “4 Popular Myths About Being An Empath”

Thin-skinned, hyper-sensitive, sooky, wimpy, spineless, wussy, feeble, weak, fragile, melodramatic, temperamental…

If you can relate to, or have been called a combination of any of these words, chances are you’re part of a unique group of people: the Empaths.

Occurring in an estimated 5% of the population, Empaths are known for their highly developed ability to sense the emotions and thoughts of the people around them. As author and empath Christel Broederlow put it “empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels”, this includes the abilities to intimately understand what a person desires, yearns for, and is currently feeling, suffering or thinking, as well as the ability to feel other people’s bodily illnesses. These occurrences manifest themselves as energy vibrations that the finely tuned empath can pick up on, or “tune into”.

Commonly identifying as clairsentients and HSP’s, Empaths possess an ability that is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, the empath is an excellent listener and counselor, knowing the best way to comfort and assist those around them. On the other, being an empath can be painful and tiring. It’s common for the empath to be weighed down and constantly congested with the negative emotional energy of others, often creating physical and psychological disharmony.

Although the empath has a wonderful gift, and is often greatly cherished by those around them, they are often challenged and confronted by a variety of misguided perceptions towards their innate gift.

Myths & Misunderstandings

“You need to grow some thicker skin! Stop being so overly sensitive.” I wish I could tell you how many times I heard that in my childhood! Growing up as an empath, you may have experienced similar insults from your parents, friends or peers, and perhaps even worse.

It’s not at all trendy or popular to be sensitive or feeling in our society that values efficiency, cold calculation and industrial resilience. Therefore, you may have experienced and still experience, a lot of antagonism towards your behavior as an Empath. I will explore 4 of these main misconceptions below.

Myth #1 – Empaths are navel-gazing and self-absorbed.

Truth – We often focus more on others than on ourselves.

It’s true that Empaths are often unexplainably moody and quiet on the outside. However, this isn’t because they’re excessively absorbed thinking too much about themselves and their feelings. Rather, the empath is often deeply affected by the exterior emotions of others that he experiences as his own. The empath’s ability to intuitively feel the feelings of others is what weighs him down so much. In fact, it’s characteristic of the empath to pay more attention to others needs than his own.

Myth #2 – Empaths are mentally ill.

Truth – We are magnets for negative energy. This often creates psychological disbalance within us.

Empaths are excellent listeners, confidants and counselors. For this reason, it’s common for people to be drawn towards their sincere and caring natures, almost like magnets. Therefore, empaths often experience a lot of “emotional baggage dumping” from other people, and have difficult releasing themselves from the negative energy that remains in their minds and bodies afterwards.

Unfortunately, this can lead to a lot of lingering depressive emotions that the empath is left with. Thus, the empath can appear to be mentally ill and depressed, and in some cases legitimately is. However, in most cases the empath is congested with remnants of harmful emotional energy, like sinuses are congested with mucus during a flu virus.

The root of the problem doesn’t lie with the empath , it’s a result of their outer emotional climate.

Myth #3 – Empaths are psychologically frail.

Truth – We are biologically programmed to be more sensitive and in tune with our surrounding environment.

As empath Nicole Lawler wrote, Empaths are essentially “walking around in this world with all the accumulated karma, emotions, and energy from others”. Understandably, this results in a lot of inner emotional tension for the empath who is more prone to crying and exhibiting other signs of “weakness”.

Additionally, the empath finds it extremely difficult to partake in many “normal” activities. For instance, watching a movie about Nazi concentration camps is extremely emotionally upsetting for the empath , and getting a job in an office is overwhelming and tiring for the empath who is bombarded with other people’s emotions constantly. Therefore, it’s not surprising that the empath is often perceived as “wussy”, “frail” or “weak minded” to the person who fails to comprehend the constant pressure the empath lives under.

The fact that most empaths aren’t driven clinically insane by the constant emotional flux they experience is testimony enough to their mental strength.

Myth #4 – Empaths are lazy.

Truth – We often lack mental, emotional and physical energy due to our intense empathetic ability to understand others.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) amongst other physical issues like headaches, insomnia and Fibromyalgia, have all been commonly attributed to Empaths.

If our minds are constantly overloaded with stress, tension and pressure, it therefore translates that our bodies are as well. This often results in sicknesses such as the ones mentioned above. Thus empaths often lack the energy and therefore desire to do many things, preferring to relax (including taking naps) instead.

 

 

~via LonerWolf.com