DEJAN DAVCEVSKI: “How To Get Out Of Victimhood Mentality And Thrive In Life”

There are two ways to live, either that things happen against you, or for you. In this article we’ll tell you how to get out of victimhood mentality.

What is victimhood mentality? It’s this flawed way of thinking, a mindset where you think the circumstances are against you for some reason.

It gives us an inflated sense of self importance and that’s why it’s so addictive. We think we are so important that the whole world is against us.

We believe that there are limits, people and circumstances preventing us from being happy. It’s someone else’s fault, not ours. This is a fierce prison.

It’s comforting, but it will enslave you indefinitely. When you get out of this mentality it’s when you will actually start to live again and to thrive.

5 Ways To Get Out Of Victimhood Mentality:

1. You do not lack anything.

One of the biggest false lessons we learn as we grow up is that we need something to make us complete.

The world teaches us through media, propaganda and stories that you need a soulmate, you need to be wealthy, you need a purpose to be happy.

The reality is that you do not need anything. You are complete and whole right here and now as you are reading this.

You don’t need anything. You are enough to be happy, to be yourself, to start becoming who you desire to be. The things you think you need are illusions.

They are a carrot on a stick making you endlessly chase your own tail. So stop. You don’t lack anything to give your 100% right here and right now.

2. Nothing is happening ‘to you’.

Majority of people like to think that they are so important that when it starts to rain, for example, it’s because something is against them.

Tiny little beings, on a tiny little land, on a tiny little planet out of billions just in our Galaxy, planet that follows massive, interconnected systems.

And we dare to think that we are so important that all the mechanisms in our Galaxy conspired to create this rain, just so it will mess our hair.

The reality is that nothing happens to you. Things are neutral, but we need to feel important. It’s okay, but see things as happening ‘for you’ not ‘to you’.

3. The world is abundant.

There is one flaw in our mentality that makes us think the world is scarce of things. Scarce of resources, opportunities, things.

In reality, the world is so abundant of things that it’s hard for our mind to really grasp all the available options we have constantly around us.

There are countless opportunities every single second, all around you, countless things you can do and experience, countless resources.

There are so many books you can read, movies you can watch, songs to listen, meals to try, places to visit, art to see, it’s not possible to see 1% of it.

Just think about this. No matter what you want, if you go every single second of every single day doing it, you will experience less than 1% of it.

4. Nobody is stopping you.

If you are like most people you would find countless excuses of why you can’t do the things that you want to do. This is victimhood mentality.

In reality and in all probability, nothing and nobody is actively stopping you to do what you want to do. Think about this. Really do.

You want a better job, who stops you from leaving this one? You want to travel, who stops you? Want to find the love of your life, nobody stops you.

Really. No one does. You can get up, right now, and start walking. Go wherever you want. Right now.

That’s why you have a mind, to find a way. Instead of using it to complain, use it to find a way. Nobody stops you from living the life that you want.

5. No one owes you anything.

We often have this idea deep inside our subconscious mind that the world owes us something. That we deserve to have what we want to have.

And it’s okay to feel like you deserve to have the things that make you happy, but it’s not ok to think you deserve for something to just serve them to you.

Yeah, you deserve to be successful but you still have to work for it. That’s what deserving means, accepting that you would go the distance.

Feeling that you deserve all those beautiful things and that fact to motivate you to take necessary action. Nobody is responsible to give you anything.

The only one responsible for getting what you want to get is you. Just like everyone else is responsible for themselves. Nobody owes you anything.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

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FIONA REILLY: “Four Tips for Effective Listening”

The gift of being heard is something really precious. Having someone listen attentively to our expression or story is very healing and can enable us find our own understanding, acceptance, balance and joy again. Listening sounds like a very simple thing and indeed it is, yet many of us struggle to listen effectively. Being a good listener requires being present and fully attentive to the other. It is not about offering advice or fixing anything or making the other feel better, it’s simply being there and paying attention.

 

“Whatever life we have experienced, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Four Tips for Effective Listening

So how might we listen more effectively… there are many things that can help! Below I outline four suggestions that I have found to be fundamental to good listening.

Be Present

Initially, it is vital to be present and with the speaker, to give them our full attention. If possible find a quiet place for a listening exchange where you are unlikely to be disturbed. Turn off phones and any background noise. Honour your boundaries, if you feel you only have 20 minutes to listen, say so at the beginning so the boundaries are clear or explain that now is a not a good time and arrange to connect when the time is right. To the best of your ability come from a place of acceptance and compassion and avoid judgement of them or their story. Be fully attentive to them and the energy between you.

 

“Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don’t have to do anything else. We don’t have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

Simply Listen

Many of us want to try to fix and make things better for the other person, yet the most beneficial way is for them to work through whatever is arising and to find their own solutions. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain or confusion or whatever their experience is, to explore it and then they may feel empowered to move through it. Telling someone they need to be strong or things will get better or something similar isn’t effective longterm and can be disempowering. So try not to fix the situation or offer solutions unless they are invited. When listening our purpose isn’t to make a person feel better, simply by having their experiences heard in a non-judgemental and accepting way can allow things to shift and heal.

 

“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.”

~Paul Parker

 

Focus On the Speaker’s Perspective

While it’s useful to be able to identify with their experience, telling someone of your similar experience is not usually helpful, so try not to habitually compare their situation to one that you have experienced. It is of course fine if you are having a two way conversation, however if you want to encourage a person to explore their experience, your story isn’t what they need to hear, at least not until they have worked through their own stuff. It can take from what the speaker is saying and turns the attention away from them. Occasionally it may be appropriate to share your own experience, use your intuition on when that feels right. You could check with the speaker if they’d like you to share what happened to you, though mostly I find it best to stay with what the speaker is sharing.

In order to acknowledge their experience and what they have shared, you can reflect back to them what you heard them say, for example “You felt very angry when that happened”. Such a reflection does a number of things, it shows that you are listening, that their feelings or expressions are valid and enables them to go into more depth around the issues. In focussing on the other person you may notice the subtleties of body language, tone of voice… etc., which can sometimes indicate more than their words and again if appropriate you can reflect back what you notice.

Don’t engage in a drama or exaggerate the situation, sometimes what is being shared may arise feelings in you, acknowledge these internally though put them aside you can always return to explore them yourself at a more appropriate time.

Become Comfortable With Silences

For many silences or gaps in conversation cause discomfort and they rush to fill the quietness with something. However allowing a silence lets the speaker know that you are there for them and ready to listen when they are ready to speak. Speaking in order to break a silence usually ends up in directing the speaker in a different direction, than what may have otherwise arose next. If you do feel to ask questions, do so for clarity and understanding. The facts or details usually don’t matter. If you do feel to ask questions try to keep them open ended, you could you phrases like “How was that for you?” to encourage more disclosure or as I mentioned earlier reflect back what you have just heard.

Acknowledge Pain

This is an excellent video relating to how to support a grieving friend and the principles offered could be used with other challenging situations, not only grief. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain, to explore and accept it and then they may feel empowered to move through it.

 

“One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing. Listening to someone. Simply listening. Not advising or coaching, but silently and fully listening.”

~Margaret J. Wheatley

 

With loving gratitude for all those who have shown me how to listen well and for my continued learning. I wish you well with your listening explorations,

Fiona

 

~via WakeUp-World.com

DEJAN DAVCEVSKI: “The 3 Best Mental Tools You Already Have That Will Help You Build A Better Life”

Most of us know how we want to live. We know exactly what we need to do, maybe even how, and yet less than 1% of the people are living on their terms. Why is this?

The short answer is that people lack proper education, nobody has told them that there are mental tools they can learn to use, nobody has showed them how.

Just like you need tools to build, for example a house, you need mental tools to build the reality you want to live in.

There are countless mental tools developed by people who were in desperate need of them. These people needed these tools so much that they created them to help themselves.

Before you go out exploring all the existing mental tools, here are the 3 best and most essential ones you will need to create a better life for yourself.

The 3 Best Mental Tools To Build Better Life:

 

1. The 5 Second Rule.

Most of you know “The 5 Second Rule” to be something that applies to food that you might have dropped. But this is a different rule.

This is a mental tool developed by TV host, author and motivational speaker Mel Robbins and it’s the main thing that helped her rise even higher when she was hitting rock bottom.

This so called “5 Second Rule” is really simple. All it means is that whenever you want, or need, or should do something, count from 5 to 1 and lift off into action.

Mel first started using this mental tool in the mornings, when she felt like not getting out of bed. She started counting 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and on 1, without thinking, she just got up.

The truth is, you will never going to feel like it’s the perfect moment for taking action. However, with this simple tool you will have mental leverage to launch yourself into action.

2. Turn ANTs Into PETs.

So, of course, we are not talking about actual ants. ANT is short for Automatic Negative Thoughts and PET is short for Positive Encouraging Thoughts.

Dr. Daniel G. Amen got the idea when his home was infested with ants. He looked at the real ants and realized that most people have minds that are infested with negative thoughts.

Most of us think the same 90% of the thoughts every day, and most of these thoughts are negative. There are over 20 mental distortions that twist our reality to seem more negative.

There is an easy tool that Dr. Daniel developed, to turn ANTs into PETs, and it’s in a form of asking yourself 5 simple questions whenever you notice a negative thought.

Is the negative thought true? Can I absolutely know that it is true? How do I react when I feel this thought? Who would I be without this thought? What’s the opposite thought?

3. What’s Pulling, What’s Pushing?

If you are like most of us, you have had a dilemma when you didn’t know what to choose between two or more choices. Most of us have such dilemmas daily.

And this is normal. However, most people don’t really know how to choose the best out of all their conflicting options.

There is a simple mental tool you can use, in a form of 2 simple questions that will clarify so many things for you.

Whenever in a dilemma between two choices ask yourself “What’s pulling me in that direction, love or fear, abundance or scarcity?”

Now ask yourself “What’s pushing me in the opposite direction, love or fear, abundance or scarcity?” Choose the options that are inspired by abundance and love.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com

CONSCIOUS REMINDER: “Leave The Past In The Past, And Start Living In The Now”

A lot of people are living proof of how they can be captured in the claws of the past. Signs which show that you are living in the past are many, but you need to be strong enough to recognize them.

Here are actions you should use in order to live in the present.

1. Don’t escape the moment

Life is a battle, trying not to face with the reality will cause you bigger problems. Facing the fear will hell you to overcome it. After dealing with every issue, you will be stronger as a person, and you will appreciate every minute spent in the present.

2. Embrace your pain

Everything that life serves to us, is served with a reason. You should embrace that and move on. Pain and suffrage are part of life, and we cannot avoid them. They makes us stronger, and enrich us with experience.

3. Ground yourself

No matter what your problem is, you need to stay grounded. In order to achieve this you can go outside, put your arms on tree, focus, and feel the object, analyze what you are hearing and feeling. You are here now, and there is no other place that you need to be.

4. Project a better future

What you are surviving now, will make you a stronger and smarter person. You deserve a better future, so with new experiences you are capable enough, to reconstruct your project for your future. Don’t be anxious, make your dreams become reality.

5. Remember what didn’t go wrong

Experience is the best thing that you can get from your past. Learn from the mistakes, and try not to copy them in the present. Think before you act, and you will build your life as if it was an empire.

6. Welcome new joys

You need to get free from the claws of the past, and let happiness to enter in your soul. You should give yourself another chance, and move on with your life. Live your life fully, for yourself and for the people around you.

7. Make necessary changes

Changes will make you to stay in present, not to lose yourself, and to stay focused. Eliminate the fear from new things, change your job, your home, meet new friends. Break the monotony down.

Once you do this, you will see how all of the pieces in your life are getting into their place. And it is really satisfying to watch, believe me.

 

~via ConsciousReminder.com

NEZEL PADAYHAG: “10 Tips How To Become The Best Person That You Can Be”

We all have bigger potential within us than we think we have. We can be and do much, much more. We can influence the world on a much bigger scale.

Success in all areas of life depends largely on how you carry yourself. Whether you want to be the best lover or worker, you can’t become one without having to work for it.

You need to be the best that you can be before you can attract the best things and the best people to come your way.

You need to be aware, though, that becoming your best self doesn’t mean things will flow smoothly in your life. You may still encounter hardships along the way.

Yet, these things are easy to handle when you have become the best version of yourself. The suggestions below will help you become one.

10 Tips How To Become The Best Person:

1. Love yourself the way you want to be loved.

There is no one in the world who can provide you the love that you need except your own self. You alone know yourself inside out, including your strengths, weaknesses, failures, successes, and quirkiness.

If you can love yourself despite some of the things that you hate in yourself, then it would be easier for others to love you the same.

In the same way, you can’t love others for who they truly are if you can’t love yourself for who you really are. Make it a point to love yourself genuinely and be energetically vibrant.

2. Go deeper and discover the beauty within you.

As Aristotle pointed out, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” It’s because while growing up, we have been conditioned to believe we need to become someone else.

Seeing yourself other than who you really are may block you from seeing your true beauty.

You are a divine being destined to spark. But you can’t see yourself this way unless you connect to yourself much more deeply.

3. Accept your own uniqueness.

Avoid the pitfall of comparing yourselves with others. You have your own journey and have a different path to take.

Don’t be afraid to express your unique self because that is who you are. You don’t need approval or validation.

Follow your own unfolding and focus on your unique gifts. You alone carry the kind of gift you are intended to share with the world.

4. Forgive and heal yourself.

Carrying grudges decreases your life force. Forgive others even if they don’t ask for it. Forgive yourself too.

Healing begins with the act of forgiveness. When you forgive, you free yourself and heal yourself from all the pains that you may have accumulated for so long.

Once freed, you begin to gain access to your life force.

5. Be aware of your inner critic.

Most often, your inner critic is your worst critic, telling you to be more than what you can be. Don’t fight this inner critic because you will only waste your energy.

Instead, be more compassionate with yourself.

When this critic speaks tell yourself how much you love yourself for all that you are. Love conquers all, your inner critic included.

6. Follow your gut feeling.

Learn to honor your gut feeling or intuition.

Most often, it carries the answers to your questions and serves as a guide in making important decisions.

Your intuition is your inner knowing that only wants the best for you.

7. Practice meditation.

A regular practice of meditation goes a long way.

Meditating for at least 15 to 20 minutes a day is enough to calm your mind, free you from stress, and enhance your well being.

It’s also a great means of connecting with your inner being.

8. Honor your body.

Your body is your physical manifestation in this world. It’s how others connect to you on a physical level.

When it’s in good shape, your connections outside and inside can go smoothly.

Give it the self care that it needs. Feed it with nourishing food, get enough rest, and do physical exercises.

9. Design your best life.

You have in your capacity the full power to design your life the way that inspires you to wake up every morning with vigor and excitement.

You can create a unique living that suits your special needs.

It’s the kind of life that may not be the ideal one in the world’s standards, but one where love prospers and where you can be absolutely happy.

10. Strive to make a difference in your small part of the world.

Wherever you are, you can make a difference in your own unique way.

Your contribution may be small, but giving all your best to the world can create ripples that will ultimately touch the lives of more people than you could expect.

Even becoming the best person that you can be is enough to create a spark in the hearts of others that you may come into contact with.

Remember, the greatest person you are to meet in this world is still within you. Awaken that person and be the best that you can be.

 

~via LifeCoachCode.com