NIKKI SAPP: “How To Be Confident While Remaining Humble”

“There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance… it’s called humility. Confidence smiles, arrogance smirks.”

~Unknown

 

Somewhere along the line what we recognized as confidence may have been misconstrued a little. We started associating traits like aggressive, loud, opinionated and arrogant with being a confident person. You’ve probably seen the type, or maybe you are the type.

They know FOR SURE that what they believe is the unequivocal truth. Therefore they need to tell everyone about it… constantly.

When they aren’t able to convince someone to believe exactly as they believe they may be caught calling others, “asleep” or a “sheep” or any other plethora of derogatory names that I probably can’t mention here. We also may have misconstrued what it means to be humble a little bit too. Being Humble is associated with weak, shy, meek, and someone who cowers to others.

Someone who is so unsure of themselves or their beliefs that they keep them to themselves and are too insecure to tell everyone they meet their opinion on everything. Is there a way to be both? Can a confident person also be a humble person? In order to answer that question we must dissect what it means to be truly confident, and how does “artificial confidence” come about.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her”

~Lao Tzu

 

There are many reasons a person may develop artificial/arrogant confidence. One may be cognitive dissonance, which means they may be holding on to a belief so tightly that when evidence is presented that contradicts this belief they may be completely unwilling to look at the new evidence. They may have become so attached to this belief that it has become a part of their sense of self.

Since they are completely attached to who they think they are it may be a painful experience for them to open their mind up and see things from a different perspective. The actual energy behind holding on to a belief so tightly that you are unwilling to let it go is fear.

The human ego is always afraid to be found out, so to speak, therefore, any threat of someone or something coming along and debunking one of its belief attachments may bring about a negative emotional reaction such as anger. Anytime anger is involved we can be assured that fear is the culprit behind it.

Genuine confidence doesn’t need to get angry because there is no part that fears being wrong or that others aren’t believing them. Another reason a person may develop artificial confidence is because they are insecure.

An insecure person may not truly believe in their theory or themselves so they feel if they can convince others that they are absolutely the right one they can at the same time convince themselves.

This is often done in an aggressive manner, because they are attached to the outcome of people believing them. Again, the fear behind not achieving the outcome they desire is causing them to act in a rude or aggressive manner. Genuine confidence can remain quiet, kind and humble because there is no underlying fear that needs other people to believe exactly what they are saying.

Genuine confidence is humble. It kind of realizes that most people are operating from their own level of understanding and trying to convince them that they are “stupid” or “wrong” usually won’t work anyway. The humble part of them realizes that LIVING and BEING their truth is always more effective than incessant talking or convincing ever will be.

Also, humble confidence isn’t attached to being right. In fact, it happily welcomes new ideas and beliefs because it knows that only when it opens itself up to seeing things from all perspectives is it able to perhaps learn something new.

“The time which people spend in convincing others, even half of this time if they spend on themselves, they can achieve a lot in life.”

~Arvind Katoch

 

In order to maintain humble confidence about our beliefs we must do two things. One is question ourselves….constantly. You may ask yourself, “Do I know absolutely without a doubt that this belief is true?” Meaning, “Did I see it with my own eyes”- normally the answer to this will be no.

So not to say that you won’t have some beliefs about things that involve situations that you weren’t physically there, but it just means that you always maintain a healthy sense of doubt about your beliefs.

This doesn’t mean that you’re unsure of yourself, it means you are wise, because it means you are open to hearing new evidence. Or you can ask yourself, “Is it possible that I am so attached to this belief that it has become a part of who I think I am?” Or even, “Does it matter if the person I am telling about my belief believes me or not? In this present moment does the fact that they are convinced or not convinced change anything in this exact moment in time?”

“Confidence is silent.

Insecurity is loud.”

~Unknown

 

You may find that most of the time, the answer to that is “no.” The other thing a person can do in order to remain humbly confident in their beliefs is to realize that every person they come in contact with can only understand things from their own level of understanding. Which means they are only operating from their own personal programming which may or may not be completely different than yours.

So yes, there may be times when you tell someone something and you enlighten them to something that they hadn’t thought of before but there will also be times where any effort to convince will fall on deaf ears.

When you are unattached to the outcome, you will be fine with either without getting frustrated or angered. Once we realize that our “truth” may not be someone else’s “truth” we can completely relax into interpersonal relationships and take every interaction with a human being as a potential learning experience, which will allow us to always be learning and growing as a person.

 

~via FractalEnlightenment.com

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MATEO SOL: “5 Things Every Sensitive Man Should Know”

If you have grown up as a male in our society you’ve been taught one very clear message: emotions are a weakness, big boys don’t cry.

Being “strong” means you have to be forceful, aggressive, competitive and largely unemotional. If for some reason you are born sensitive, cooperative and compassionate, you are perceived as “weak,” “effeminate” or “weird.”

Throughout history, men have gained their identity, peer respect and self-worth through status, sexual prowess and money all of which contributed to their sense of power. In a physically demanding hunter-gatherer and agricultural world, men had to be the warriors that shouldered the responsibility of providing for their families. But now as women have become more independent with our society shifting to value mental labor over physical labor, men are struggling to let go of their old warrior habits and role dynamics.

However, regardless of our external bodies and sexual orientations, we all carry differing degrees of masculine and feminine energy. Some people will carry equal amounts, others will carry more of one than of the other (which might oppose their physical bodies), as can be seen in females referred to as “tomboys” and sensitive men.

It saddens me to see so many fellow men who outright ignore their sensitivity, or are aware of it but choose to reject or hide it. Many people associate sensitivity with neuroticism or low self-esteem, and courage with “numbing the pain.”

Sensitivity and courage are not mutually exclusive. To be sensitive is to be aware of the feelings and perspectives of other people as well as your own. To be courageous means to be completely aware and to feel fear yet to still fight for what you feel is right or what you want.

In fact sensitivity and courage can compliment each other; the greater your sensitivity and fear is, the greater your courage has to be to fight through it.

In psychology, Carl Jung was aware of the differences between masculine and feminine energy, and divided them into his Anima and Animus Archetypes. Personally, I’ve found that by embracing my sensitivity as a male and using it alongside my logic and courage, I have become a much wholer human being. In the end, to be intelligent is useless unless you can combine it with sensitivity. When intelligence is filtered through sensitivity, it becomes wisdom.

5 Things Every Sensitive Man Should Know

Here are some vital lessons I’ve learned as a sensitive man that I want to pass on:

1. Sensitivity Helps You to Grow Deeper Connections

When a man is capable of transforming his insecurity about being sensitive into something empowering, it can allow him to create deeper connections with others. For instance, I’ve found that when I go beyond simply sharing factual information and opinions with my male friends, I see a whole new side to them which is more meaningful and creates a deeper long-term bond.

2. Sensitivity Encourages Emotional Maturity

I feel that the evolution of men will be one towards a balance of strength and sensitivity. One of the biggest struggles for men in relationships is to openly express their emotions or show vulnerability. This emotional distancing is done to display “strength,” but quite often the more sensitive female lover perceives this as ambivalence, being “unavailable” or even a phobia towards commitment. To be able to give love, show love and receive love freely is incredibly attractive.

3. Sensitivity Makes You More Body-Conscious

Sensual awareness is not limited to sex (although it does make you a better lover), but rather, it extends to the body as well. The greater your sensitivity is to your body and its senses, the more you’ll learn about yourself, the better you’ll be able to take care of yourself, and the healthier you’ll feel. However, I’ve observed that often many sensitive male students of mine have tried to drown their emotions out with food as an unconscious buffer.

As a sensitive man, I’ve discovered a variety of foods that I can feel my body quickly rejects by making me feel subtly ill. I’ve also learned that having long hair not only allows me to express my Anima externally, but it also serves as an extension of my nervous system amplifying my empathic senses. It’s no surprise that the Incas, Mayas, the Samurai and the Native Americans were aware of this (the latter using their hair almost like “antennae.”)

4. Sensitivity Allows You to Become More Creative

Creativity is not the result of logical empirical deduction, it is the child of playfulness and sensitivity. Creativity is born in the right side of the brain instead of the left.

To be a painter, writer, musician, actor, photographer or anything creative requires a sensitivity towards beauty and emotion.

5. Sensitivity Helps You to Grow Spiritually

A thirst for wisdom and truth can only come to those who possess a spiritual sensitivity. To strive toward a better society and the peace of man demands an immense amount of courage to stand up against the status quo and a great spiritual sensitivity to question it.

Jesus, Buddha, the Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. were all figures who possessed this quality to speak the truth and question cultural morality, virtue and justice. Many people who have embraced their sensitivity will know that they are often the ones whom their friends come to, to ask for counsel and advice.

How to Embrace Your Sensitivity

In our society men are rarely taught how to express their feelings, and so it can be very difficult to know where or how to begin. In fact, if you are like most men, you’ll find it difficult to even become aware of what you’re feeling in the first place, e.g. how the mood of your boss may be affecting you, or how the stress from your busy schedule is making you short-tempered. And when someone asks how you are, you are so disconnected from your emotions that you’ll resort to the habitual “I’m fine,” making it harder for anyone to provide any support.

Ignoring feelings won’t making them disappear though, in fact, the more we ignore our feelings the larger they’ll grow. I’ve often seen men who appear to be well and calm before they burst out in an explosion of anger or rage when something bad happens. It’s often these very same men who become isolated and depressed due to their tendency to avoid and limit their social contact to avoid emotional vulnerability.

How do we embrace our sensitivity? Recognizing and accepting ourselves as sensitive men is the first step. No matter what “macho” ideals you’ve been taught, sensitivity is a gift, not a weakness. To be more empathetic and to be able to appreciate art, music and beauty, is a blessing. While burying our feelings is certainly easier, acknowledging our feelings helps us to empower ourselves which requires much more courage, and is a lot more rewarding. Can you imagine how many wars and ecological forms of destruction could have been avoided if we all cultivated greater sensitivity?

The next step is to examine your feelings about sensitivity. Is it a “weakness” or some kind of illness to you? You’ll have to change the core beliefs you hold about masculine sensitivity in order to accept it. Only after this can you integrate aspects of your sensitivity into your daily life. You can do this by changing your old habits of ignoring or hiding your sensitivity and instead decide to slowly process through them, expressing them to yourself and your trusted loved ones.

It takes time and effort, but changing our personal paradigms is essential in order to embrace our own sense of personal power. It’s time to change this outdated male ideal of aggressiveness, thick-skin and emotional retardation. By empowering sensitive men with self-confidence, we’ll all contribute to a more peaceful, balanced and healthy planet.

Once you become aware of your feelings and have learned to express them, you’ll begin drawing loving people into your life, you’ll be able to help others through their own problems, and you’ll be able to feel as though every part of you is living life to the fullest.

 

 

~via LonerWolf.com

CHRISTINA SARICH: ” 4 Super Powers Of The Highly Empathic”

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Many empathic or highly sensitive people feel that their ability to feel so many different emotional energies in their environments is a curse, but with recent research suggesting that empaths are actually highly psychic, you may want to hone your empathic skills instead of hiding them away, or bemoaning their existence.  Here are 4 super-powers of empathic people, that you too can develop:

1.) Read People’s Minds

Empaths have a form of psychic ability that is considered a rare gift.

Mind reading isn’t a parlor trick.  We all do it to some degree, taking cues from people’s body language, and verbal discourse.  A skilled non-verbal decoder can tell if someone is lying, someone is happy or sad (even if they claim to be the opposite), or if they are manipulating others with their speech and gestures.  We can all be ‘mentalists’ picking up on inconsistencies in someone’s words and body language, but empaths take it a step further.

Many empaths receive psychic images, statements, hues, or smells intuitively which indicate to them, a reality beyond which most are aware.  If you pick up on these energies unwillingly, you could instead focus on them, and see if you can create an even stronger psychic experience, turning your empathic skills into full-blown ESP.  Then you can literally walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, and know exactly what that would feel like. IMAGINE the possibilities.

How many wrong turns, missteps, or arguments could you avoid?  How much success could you experience learning from others’ mistakes?  Knowing when someone is lying, or telling the truth?  Priceless.  Instead of shunning your empathic ability to feel everything — use it to become a true mind reader.

2.) Become Your Own Emotion Superhero

If you have a crazy ability to empathize with others, why not turn this around, and use it to your own benefit?  So many people today are completely disconnected from their own emotions.  You aren’t.  This may seem like a tremendous burden — feeling what they ought to feel, AND feeling what you feel, but if you were able to develop some discernment, and focus on your own emotional growth, this gift can become your greatest super power.

The act of listening to your own feelings and thoughts is self-empathy — it’s compassion in action.  It could completely and utterly change how you communicate with people.

For instance, let’s say you are visiting family for the holidays or a long weekend and one of your uncles says, “Don’t you know this president is going to ruin the nation?”  Your internal dialogue as an empath might be something like, “Oh my God, he has no clue how every person is affecting this country, and this planet, and the people who are running the show aren’t presidents or politicians, they may not even be on this planet! What an idiot.”  This is what your emotional triggers might be around a simple statement that someone from your family makes.  But what if you honored those feelings and learned how to communicate them lovingly?

What if instead, you internally stated, “Wow, hearing what my uncle just said alarms me, to the point of even feeling panicked because that statement doesn’t agree with the world I see, or how I believe this Universe is formed, and I’m scared of being at odds with my family member.”  Super power indeed.

Empaths can trigger heart-based communication by honoring their emotions.

You could instead say to your Uncle from this emotionally aware place, “Yes, we all ruin the world a little or make it closer to a paradise every day by the thoughts, deeds, and actions we engage in.”  This statement might go over his head, or open up a whole different type of dialogue that is more in alignment with who you are.

3.) Transmute the Negative Only You Can Feel

So many people are affected by negative influences which are invisible in the world today.  Empaths are acutely aware of this.  An empath can even walk into a room where a negative conversation or act just transpired, and though it isn’t currently happening, they can sense the negative energy that lingers.

Flowers can change the energy of an environment.

Instead of being a victim of this sensitivity to energy —  look for positive energy first, and TRANSMUTE that negative energy.  Practice a quiet five-minute Tonglen meditation.  Bring high-energy plants or flowers to a place with low energy, or simply utter encouraging words and thoughts to people around you who were also affected by the negativity.  Even better?  Find the humor in the situation and share it.  Even the most vile circumstance has a funny side to it.  Use laughter to literally create intimacy and openness where there was none.

4.) Turn Your Sensitivity Into a Highly Coveted Skill

Do the wrong sheets make you break out in hives?  Are certain smells absolutely revolting to you?  Do non-organic foods cause you terrible gastrointestinal distress?  Do you need quiet in order to sleep, and alone time in order to off-load all the smells, sights, sounds, and emotions you’ve absorbed all day long?  Instead of looking at this trait as if it were a burden, use it to your advantage.

Need more beauty and peace as an empath?  Create it yourself.

You could become a perfumer, and advise companies on removing chemicals and adding natural scents to their products.  You could help others eat divinely prepared food by becoming an organic chef.  You could develop quiet spaces like gardens, libraries, or meditation rooms that not only you need, but that others would revel in, without even realizing that they were desperate for your gift.  Use those sensitivities to create a peaceful haven in the world, and your empathic skills are no longer a curse, but used to fulfill your life’s purpose.

There are many more ways you can put your empathic super-powers to good use.  Feel free to share your ideas in the comments section, or when you share this article to social media.

 

 

~via TheMindUnleashed.com

JENN GRANNEMAN: “12 Things a Highly Sensitive Person Needs”

highly sensitive person needs

If you’re a highly sensitive person like me, you know little things can be too much. Busy environments, violent images in movies, or weekends with little downtime can stress you out. Because you’re so in tune with your environment and other people, life can be pretty exhausting, which makes you withdraw — and non-sensitives don’t understand.

But there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone. High sensitivity is actually fairly common, found in 15 to 20 percent of the population, according to Dr. Elaine N. Aron, author of the book, The Highly Sensitive Person. Both introverts and extroverts can be sensitive, as well as people of all personality types, although high sensitivity is probably more common among INFPs and INFJs.


What’s your personality type? We recommend this free personality test from our partner Personality Hacker.


Sadly, because many people don’t understand what high sensitivity is, you may have been told to “toughen up” or “just get over it.” You may have always felt different from other people, but you didn’t have a name for what you were.

High sensitivity can make life challenging but not impossible. When I’m in a routine and doing plenty of self-care, I forget about my sensitivity. But a recent trip reminded me of just how frazzled my senses can get. I was rushing from one activity to the next, hanging out in loud, crowded bars and restaurants, and meeting many new people. To top it all off, I wasn’t getting enough sleep or the kind of exercise that makes me feel good, like cardio and yoga. After five days of “vacation,” I was completely fried.

How can we as highly sensitive people cope with our trait? Here are 12 things we need:

1. Time to decompress

Noisy, busy environments — like a crowded mall during the holidays, a concert, or a big party — can wreak havoc on a sensitive person’s highly reactive nervous system. Likewise, packed schedules and high-pressure situations, like a job interview or the first day in a new school, are overstimulating. If you know you’ll be in situation that will frazzle you, plan some time to decompress in a quiet space afterward. It’s best if you can be alone.

2. Meaningful relationships

We get bored or restless in relationships that lack meaningful interaction, according to Aron. This doesn’t mean we’re prone to relationship hopping, rather, we actually work harder to inspire intimacy and interesting conversation. It also means we’re selective about the people we let into our lives to begin with.

Interestingly, many sensitive people are great to be in a relationship with because they not only tune in to what’s good for them but also to what’s good for others. They pay close attention to what their significant other wants. Aron calls this characteristic “mate sensitivity,” which means the ability to rapidly figure out what pleases their partner and act based on that intel. This behavior goes for friends, family members, and co-workers as well.

Basically, it makes us happy to make others happy.

3. People who support us

Sensitive people may cry or become emotional a lot. “Sensitive people can’t help but express what they’re feeling,” Aron told the Huffington Post. “They show their anger, they show their happiness. Appreciating that is really important.”

4. A gentle, healthy way of managing conflict

No matter who you are, fighting with a loved one is miserable. But sensitive people tend to feel extra anxious when conflict arises — and an internal battle takes place. We feel torn between speaking up for what we believe is right and sitting back so we don’t provoke an angry reaction from the other person. Often we subjugate our own needs because we’d rather “go along to get along” than fight.

On the other hand, sensitive people can make great conflict resolvers, because we tend to see the other person’s perspective. We have high levels of empathy and can easily put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.

5. Time to get things done

Sensitive people like a slower pace of life. We like pondering all our options before making a decision and regularly reflecting on our experiences. We hate busy schedules and rushing from one event to the next. One of the hardest parts of my day during the work week is getting moving in the morning and leaving my apartment on time. Saturday mornings, when I don’t have to work, are for going at my own pace. It’s calming and restorative to know I don’t have to be dressed and ready to go anywhere anytime soon.

6. Plenty of sleep

Lack of sleep (less than 7 hours a night, for most people) makes the average person irritable and less productive, but lack of sleep for the sensitive person can make life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep soothes my ramped-up senses and helps me process my thoughts and emotions. How much sleep I get can literally make or break my next day. Without proper sleep, every little stressor seems ten times worse.

7. Healthy meals spaced regularly throughout the day

When I don’t eat regularly, I get hangry. This is because, according to Aron, extreme hunger can mess up a sensitive person’s mood or concentration. To fend off feelings of crankiness and discombobulation, maintain a steady blood sugar level throughout the day by eating regular healthy meals and snacks.

8. Caffeine-free options

Sensitive people (surprise, surprise) are sensitive to caffeine. I drink one cup of coffee in the morning to get me going, but I don’t have any caffeine past noon. Even a mug of green tea later in the day would leave me tossing and turning at night. Plus, having too much caffeine leaves me feeling jittery and wound up in an uncomfortable way.

If you’re sensitive, consider limiting your coffee, soda, and tea intake. Watch out for sneaky sources of caffeine, like chocolate. Remember, the darker the chocolate, the more caffeine. For example, Hershey’s Special Dark Chocolate Bar has a walloping 31 milligrams of caffeine, almost as much as a can of Coke!

9. A space of our own

If you live with others, make sure you have a quiet place you can retreat to when you need to get away from noise and people. Turn on your favorite music to drown out any unpleasant external noise.

10. Low lighting

If possible, turn off the overhead lights in your home or office and substitute a lamp.

11. Time to adjust to change

Transitions aren’t easy for anybody. (Hey! Who moved my cheese?) But for sensitive people, transitions can be really rough. Even positive changes, like starting a new relationship or moving into a dream home, can be overstimulating and require an extra long period of adjustment. For example, I recently moved into a wonderful new apartment in a city I enjoy, but I literally felt off-kilter for months until I got used to my new situation.

12. Beauty and nature

Like most sensitive people, I’m deeply affected by my surroundings, especially the way they look. Cluttered, chaotic, or just plain ugly environments bother me. I feel calm spending time in nature, my city’s favorite neighborhoods, or my simply decorated apartment (especially when it’s actually clean and tidy!).

When it comes down to it, the key is to embrace your sensitivity rather than work against it. Sensitive people make incredible leaders, partners, and friends. We have high levels of empathy and we’re usually creative and perceptive. Maybe the world could use a little more of what we have.

 

 

 

 

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