Twin Flames and other strong soul connections cannot come together in a codependent relationship. The love that these souls have for each other is simply far too pure, too bright and too divine to accept a pattern of codependency. However, the conditioning and life circumstances that many Twin Flames incarnated into make codependent relationships the only form of affection that they know. Consequently, codependency patterns are one of the greatest obstacles for Twins coming into a 3D Union.
Do we know the difference between codependency and twin flame love? Between loving unconditionally, and becoming a doormat? Between setting boundaries and pushing people away?
All Twin Flames are wired for Union. We may, or may not enter into it fully in this lifetime, but this is what our souls are yearning for. And yet the way we learned about love was often quite dysfunctional.
Almost all advanced souls had considerable difficulties growing up, often incarnating into very dysfunctional or damaged families. Most of us did not get a good picture of healthy love. Most of us spent our formative years having no idea what healthy love is.
Additionally, the collective ideas about “love” have outlived themselves. Twin Flame Union is not a “relationship”. The template of “relationships” that we have inherited is no longer working in our society. And this is not necessarily a bad thing! On the cosmic scale, we are undergoing a great transformation, especially in terms of the relationship between Masculine and Feminine. This is part of what the Twin Flames are here to do — to help shift the ideas about “love”, to bring in the model of love that is based on a face-to-face communication of equals, the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine dancing with each other, on all levels, in all dimensions.
But this can only happen through healing.
Codependency and Inner Child Healing
The unbalanced love of a codependent comes from our wounded inner child. The deep and unprocessed wounds are causing us to either cling like crazy, or to push our Twin away, sometimes quite unconsciously, and often as if against our own will.
The wounded inner child feels she is not good enough. That’s what she learned, and that’s what her universe keeps reflecting unto her, until she is healed. Our bodies are not good enough, our education is not good enough, we are never competent enough, our identity (ethnicity, race, gender) is not good enough, basically, being our own self is not good enough.
The key to truly healing this wound is not to fight the harsh criticizing inner voice, or to forcibly numb it with alcohol, food, or over-achievement. Instead we have to try and rescue it – this inner voice is actually an integral part of us – a part which has been cut off from us, and is wounded and in pain. It is actually your inner child that is crying out for healing and comfort.
It is true that the twin flame journey is a process of ascension. There is no other way but up. But guess who is leading the ascension, guess who is the intuitive, the divinely connected part of ourselves? The inner child! The subconscious mind that acts out in ways that often perplex us. And so in order to go up, we have to go down into the basement of our pain, scoop up our inner child, heal her, and let her come out and play.
Healing and Fixing Others
I feel it’s easier to address the workings of the human mind by defining the many sub-personalities within us. And so let’s accept a working definition, that in addition to our inner child, we also have an inner parent. And if our inner child is unhealed, the inner parent will usually be over-responsible and out of balance, as well.
An over-protective inner parent reflects feelings of inadequacy. I feel inadequate, therefore, I will try to fix you. Everything is better than dealing with my own pain. Attempting to fix another person, to heal them against their will is the dysfunctional side of the inner parent. And if our inner child is not healthy, if our scared little boy or girl is sitting in a dark basement shaking with fear — our inner parent is guaranteed to be quite dysfunctional.
We need to balance our compassion with wisdom. If your child never gets to know that some things are unacceptable, he will most likely grow up into a monster. If you can’t say no to a child, who might be yelling and screaming and kicking to get his way, you are guaranteed to become the puppet of someone who doesn’t even have the maturity to know right from wrong. It is the same with our sub-personalities.
Trust. Trust that the Universe that brought you this far is not going to leave you now. Trust, above all, that they have their own capacity to heal. You don’t have to run out and heal their inner child against their will. Most times, all you can do is set the boundaries and do your own inner healing.
And you know what? It’s not only about you. Sometimes they will be our parent. The good parent who refuses to give us what we think is love. Even the unawakened, the seemingly irrational rejection by our Twin Flame is doing us the greatest service of all — teaching us to love. To really love. To love ourselves, to love the Creator, to love the Beloved, to learn about what love really means. It is the service that their souls took on for us, a far greater service than what we can comprehend in the 3D, where we are fooled by appearances.
Why Is It Like This?
Meeting our twin flame is a powerful soul activation. So powerful that, in fact, all of our soul shows up, at least temporarily. I believe that only parts of our soul incarnate in each particular lifetime, to work on a specific issue or lesson. This is in part due to the nature of this world, where the 3D reality cannot “hold” the completeness of our soul. This changes when Twin Flames meet for the first time. The burst of energy that twins generate when they meet calls up the whole soul, from the highest heavens to the deepest dungeons.
This explains in part what happens during the separation process. Some parts of our soul that came up had been hijacked by dark energies, had been stuck in the lower levels, completely devoid of light and love. It is not just the inner child, it is those parts of our soul that are so desperate for even tiny morsels of light. Now that we have seen the light, we want our Twin to stay in the role of a Divine Lover for us. And they can’t, because they are not there yet, just as we are.
Until we clear this desperation, we are pretty much stuck. The Spirit needs to fill all the deep dark desperate corners of our soul. The parts of us that disconnected through trauma. The parts of us that have descended into hell, be it literal or metaphorical. The parts that are in utter terror to loose even the tiny bit of light, terrified to descend again into darkness. All of those parts come to the surface when we meet our twin. And the good news is — we get to heal those parts, no matter what.
As Above, So Below
If I feel really deprived and small in relation to my twin, and will put up with absolutely anything, this is also reflected in relation to the Universe. Somewhere deep within me is the perception of lack — that there isn’t enough coming from the Universe, that there isn’t enough love to go round, enough money to go round, enough jobs to go round. And the Twin is the reflection of what I think I deserve. Of my unworthiness.
If I see my relationship with my Twin that way, this is a reflection of my relationship with God. God is not there for me. Which, ironically, means I have to get it from my Twin. He is the best possible person I can get this from. And he can’t give me what I ask. This pattern only reinforces the already existing concept of lack. See, God doesn’t want to give me anything, he never wanted me to be happy in the first place!
We must learn to receive love directly from the Source. This is not about anyone giving love to us. This is about us becoming love. If we see love as something outside of ourselves, if we demand love from others, or blame them for not loving us, we are giving our power away.
We have learned from the society around us that love is out there, that we have to change to get love, not realizing that we can receive love just as we are. We don’t need to be anything other than who we are right now at this moment in order to be loved.
While we may understand this intellectually, and even think that we implemented it before in our lives, there are layers of our soul that have not integrated this concept. And these layers have shown up when we met our Twin Flame! The trick is to give up all our yearning and our sense of lack to the Universe, and ask to be filled. Ask the Universe to take over some of the parenting. You don’t have to do it all by yourself.
We need to heal our desperation to want our Twins in whatever way they show up for us. We don’t accept morsels. We are not undeserving of God, of love, and of deep communion. But to receive the higher, we need to say no to the lower. And for some of us, this is the hardest thing in the world. And there are no guarantees. But once we let go of the need to control the situation in 3D, once we heal that needy part of ourselves, the spiritual connection with our Twin Flame will shift. It will be like finding a pearl that is so precious that everything else pales in comparison. Everything we owned, needed and strove for becomes just an empty sound.
Ultimately, this is about us becoming One with the Universe.
by Inga Nielsen,
Guest writer, In5D.com
About the author: Inga Nielsen, MPH, brings in a unique combination of knowledge, metaphysical and practical, as well as deep-seated passion for healing and communion with the Divine. Inga assists people in connecting with their higher selves, spirit guides and high beings, through accessing the Akashic Records. Inga was trained in a variety of healing techniques, including hypnotherapy, inner child work, meridian therapy, breathwork, yogic practices and energy clearing. Inga is a Reiki master and a professional intuitive. She is here to assist people in raising their vibration and living from their soul, as facilitators of their own ascension. You can find out more about Inga on her website, healing-radiance.com.